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Pregnant Woman Balks After Overweight Friend Demands She Let Her Borrow Her Wedding Dress

A bride looks into the mirror admiring herself in her dress

Borrowing clothes is always an issue.

Everyone likes to play nice and pretend they all enjoy it.

But there are limits.

And when it comes to ceremony that is a big threshold.

Case in point…

Redditor throwawy_mydress wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not wanting to let my friend have my wedding dress?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (32 F[emale]) am 16 weeks pregnant with my first child.”

“My husband ‘Howie’ (36 M[ale]) and I are very excited for this child, especially after having an early miscarriage back in September.”

“One of my biggest fears is weight gain.”

“I’m already not small but not huge, either.”

“I’m smaller than the average sized American woman but could lose about ten to twenty pounds to give you an idea.”

“I was already concerned about my weight before I got pregnant, so now the idea of losing my pre-pregnancy weight on top of whatever I gain now is stressful.”

“Howie wants to lose weight, too.”

“We decided to pick an outfit we’d like to try to fit in again after the baby arrives to meet our weight goal.”

“Howie chose the outfit from the day we met and I chose my wedding dress from our April 2022 wedding.”

“My friend ‘May’ (34 F) is getting married to her fiancée ‘Joe’ (37 M) in September of this year.”

“I’ve gone with her dress shopping a couple of times but she hasn’t been able to find one that she likes.”

“I discovered over the weekend that the dress she actually wanted was mine, and she was looking for one similar but couldn’t find it.”

“May then asked me if she could borrow mine.”

“I said don’t want my dress altered for any reason because it’s mine, and I made a lot of customizations to it.”

“It truly is my dress, and no one has one like it.”

“But May told me she’s in a bind because there’s not much time to order a dress and have it altered in the time for her wedding.”

“I felt bad but told her no.”

“I don’t want anyone wearing it, period.”

“May kept pressing about it, and I also told her it wasn’t just because it’s mine but because of the weight loss idea my husband and I had.”

“May is two wedding dress sizes larger than me.”

“I also have an hourglass figure where May is more shaped like an apple.”

“No insults, but it’s just how she looks.”

“Plus, my dress still fits me.”

“I’m just anticipating it won’t after giving birth, and I want to make that my weight loss outfit.”

“If I let her borrow it, it would have to be altered so much that it wouldn’t be mine anymore.”

“May told me I had an entire wardrobe to choose from and no one fits their dress after a few years, anyway.”

“She also said that baby weight usually doesn’t go away (she has 2 kids), and that I should be thinking about her wedding.”

“I still said no.”

“But a few minutes ago, I got a text from Howie asking me if I agreed to give her my dress.”

“I said no, and Howie sent me a screenshot from Joe saying Howie can bring my dress over when he gets off work and thanked me for being so generous.”

“So it sounds to me like May told Joe I agreed when I didn’t.”

“Now Joe is angry because he thinks I changed my mind.”

“Howie told him I never agreed.”

“Now May is texting me, asking why I’m so attached to a dress and saying I’m not being a good friend because I’m more interested in a material item than her happiness.”

“But I feel like this is self-explanatory?”

“It’s my dress. The end. Am I insane?”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole. 

“NTA. It’s your dress. She just doesn’t want to pay for a dress.”  ~ New_Palpitation_6431

“This is one of those many AITAs where the background info is basically irrelevant.”

“It’s OP’s dress, she doesn’t need provide a reason to say no on something like this.”

“‘Friend’ gets to ask once, but she’s not entitled to jack.”

“But yeah, turns out that in her own mind ‘friend’ is so entitled that she tried to social engineer the transfer of the dress – steal in all but the word.”

“Ample reason to break the friendship.”  ~ Boeing367-80

“This is the biggest issue.”

“She basically tried to steal the dress when you said no.”

“I don’t think May is a good friend.”

“I think you need to rethink that entire relationship.”

“I wonder what she was planning on saying to you after she had your dress taken apart and made two sizes larger and showed up at her wedding in it?” ~ These-Coat-3164

“Exactly, she’s making OP feel bad for repeatedly saying no to giving her a wedding dress.”

“A dress that would hold a lot of value to any woman.”

“A dress she’s devaluing by saying any other dress in her wardrobe would be as good and she’s trying to guilt her into giving it to her by saying she values materialistic items more than their friendship.”

“All the while she has stooped as low as trying to trick her husband into giving it to her fiancée, essentially stealing it.”

“If it’s just like any other dress, why can’t May go to Walmart and buy herself a white dress?”

“Can’t believe I typed all those words just to say May sucks, NTA.”  ~ Hairy-Mousse-5263

“I’d like to know what she thought was going to happen once OP discovered the deception.”

“She thought she could trick OP’s husband into bringing her the dress and not ask OP first.”

“But let’s say her plan worked. OP would have, at some point, noticed the dress was missing.”

“Maybe not right away, but probably before the wedding.”

“Or, let’s say it didn’t happen until the wedding.”

“OP shows up and sees her ‘friend’ wearing HER WEDDING DRESS, like WTF?”

“This is a friendship-ending event.”

“It’s more important for her to get the dress than to keep OP as a friend.”  ~ Lanky-Temperature412

“And why do you want to look exactly like your friend on her wedding day?”

“I wouldn’t want to borrow a friend’s wedding dress in the first place.”

“I don’t want my wedding pictures to be a carbon copy of yours.”

“Not to mention, diff styles of wedding dresses look very different on everyone.”

“May has never seen herself in this dress.”

“She has an idea of how she will look in it because of how OP looked on her wedding day.”

“She is going to be sorely disappointed when reality does not match her imaginary vision.” ~ CatmoCatmo

“100%. No means no, and you’ve got to have some giant cahones to ask for someone else’s wedding dress.”

“Doesn’t sound like the friend even offered to BUY it.”

“When you aren’t holding any cards – there is no argument.”  ~ kroniclyunimpressed

“Doesn’t matter what the dress is.”

“My BFF and I growing up were the exact same size, and very nearly the exact same shape (I have more chest), and we frequently borrowed each other’s clothing.”

“After asking. Once.”

“We also frequently had outfits that were special to us for some reason or other, and those were off limits.”

“So as soon as a NO was said, that outfit was never asked for again.”

“Reason not needed.”

“OP’s dress is OP’s to decide what to do with, and no one else gets a say in the matter.”

“End of story. NTA.”  ~ BloodWynne65

“Who is the bigger AH…””

“The OWNER of a dress that had it customized and fitted who is'”attached to a material item over friendship…'”


“The ‘friend’ who is 2 sizes too big for said dress (and while I am not an expert, that is a LOT of inches to let out from seams- panels will be required, and if not done well, destroy the original dress- and from the description, OP is Size 12 ish, and ‘friend’ is size 16 ish.”

“I have been both- and it is not a minor difference!) who WANTS said dress who is “attached to a material item over friendship.”

“Hint- one is NTA AT ALL, the other one is 100% TA.”

“Especially for assuming that since she could not lose her baby weight OP will not be able to.” ~ scarybottom

“In fact, all of the verbiage regarding ‘my weight loss dress’ just makes me even more unsympathetic to the OP.”

“And I also think it’s ridiculous that people save their wedding dresses in all kinds of complicated ways — just another way to justify wasting ungodly amounts of money on something you will literally never look at again.”

“However, my strong personal feelings about the absurdity of the whole thing are completely irrelevant.”

“No means no.”

“She doesn’t need to justify herself. NTA.”  ~ TheNavigatrix

“NTA. No is a complete sentence.”

“You do not have to give an explanation.”

“If May keeps pushing use that line: ‘I said no, and no is a complete sentence.'”

“Given one of the things she said to you, if you’re feeling petty, I would add: ‘You have two children. You should understand that.'”

“May might also need to hear a lot more nos from you, such as, ‘No, we won’t be attending your wedding or getting you a gift.'” ~ B3GayDoCrimes

OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.

Your dress, your rules.

Don’t let this dampen your special time.

Good luck.