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Woman Excludes Friend From Fancy Book Club Ball Because She Would ‘Ruin The Aesthetic’

A group of friends discussing a book in library.

Consuming all kinds of literature has proven to keep the mind agile well into people’s senior years.

One of the byproducts born from the love of reading is Book Clubs.

A group of people who read and discuss works that inspire them.

Movies have been made about them.

BOOKS have been written about them.

Some clubs are intimate, and others are massive.

Either way, it’s meant to be a fun experience for all.

People gather. They read. They learn and bond.

But sometimes, issues with the invite list can stir up a little drama.

Case in point…

Redditor YellowSockMonkey wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not inviting my friend to my party because she would ruin the aesthetic?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (29 F[emale]) started a small online book club for book lovers in my city about a year ago.”

“I know it sounds a little nerdy, but it’s not like that.”

“We’re all just some girls who like to read and share our thoughts, especially on historical fiction.”

“Well, I’ve been seeing a lot of those book balls on TikTok recently where people throw huge parties where everyone dresses up extravagantly in ball gowns and those intricate masks and parasols and whatnot and thought it looked super fun.”

“Only there wasn’t any being held anywhere near me, so I decided to hold an intimate one with the girls from my book club.”

“There are about a dozen of us, and we’ve met up multiple times so we’re all good friends.”

“One of these girls is a close friend of mine, I’ll call her Sam (29 F) and she does not like to dress up at all.”

“She’s always in sweats or athletic clothes, never does her makeup or hair, just doesn’t really care about her appearance even for formal events.”

“I remember she skipped our prom and wore jeans to our ceremony, which is fine, she’s a beautiful girl.”

“But I didn’t want that at my ball, so I didn’t invite her.”

“I sent out beautiful invites that I spent a good chunk of money for, rented out a small hall that fit my budget, catered, and only asked my friends to pitch in about $20 each to cover some costs.”

“Everyone bought beautiful extravagant gowns and accessories and I got even more excited.”

“Well eventually word somehow made it to Sam, and she asked me about the event.”

“She asked if I was really hosting an event for the book club and not inviting her.”

“And after hesitating, I said yes but only because I know she would never wear a ball gown or put effort into looking good.”

“She said she was upset that I wouldn’t want her there even if she wore her regular clothes, and I told her that that’s not fair, that I put in all of this effort for a beautiful event where everyone can be a little extra for one day and I didn’t want her to ruin the aesthetic.”

“She hasn’t spoken to me since then, and the ball was two days ago (a success, by the way- everyone looked amazing).”

“Am I the a**hole for not inviting her because she would ruin the event?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA. I would have sent her an invite and said that the attire was mandatory. That way, she could have chosen whether or not she wanted to attend, and if she didn’t no loss to you.”

“If you two are as good of friends as you say, then you should have at least told her about it so she didn’t hear it from anyone else and feel left out.”  ~ Plenty_Risk2896

“THAT, I agree you were excluding her because she chooses to be comfortable rather than done up.”

“Which is her right you had an issue with her by the way you worded this narrative, ‘She doesn’t put in effort in dressing up, she wears sweats, doesn’t put on makeup, or comb her hair.'”

“You’re reading books for goodness sake. Why would she get dressed up to sit and talk about a book she read?”

“As it was stated, you could’ve given her the option whether to participate or not. You made up your mind that she wasn’t worth allowing her the choice.”

“Definitely the AH, and if I was her, I wouldn’t speak to you either because I see what kind of friend you truly are SUPERFICIAL!!” ~ Icy_Doughnut_4241

“OP should’ve still given Sam the option. YTA.”

“‘Hey Sam, I’m putting together a ball based on those TikTok trends we’ve been seeing, and it will be mandatory for everyone to dress up in [insert description here] attire to fit our book’s aesthetic.'”

“‘I understand you prefer to dress more comfortably, so I wanted to check in with you to see if you’d be interested in going to a dress-up event.'”

“‘What’re your thoughts?'”

“See? Easy.”

“You lay down the boundary and expectation that this event will require people to put significant effort into their outfits, make your friend feel included, and let her make the call on whether or not she’s going to put in that effort.”

“Hell, if she hates dresses, maybe she’d like to dress up in an old-timey suit?”

“By choosing to not invite her friend, OP has excluded her and probably damaged the friendship.”  ~ TheMaskedOwlet

“THIS. Sam may have chosen not to attend (as someone who’s deeply miserable when dressed up in costumes, this would be my choice).”

“Sam may have gone the old-fashioned suit route, which wouldn’t have ruined the aesthetic.”

“Sam may even have decided to leap out of her comfort zone and wear an elaborate gown.”

“OP has no idea what’s in Sam’s head or if this is something she may be interested in trying out for a change.”

“But Sam didn’t get to make any of those choices because OP dismissed her presence as unnecessary and her feelings as irrelevant.” ~ IntrovertedBookMan

“She says she skipped prom entirely and wore jeans to their ‘ceremony,’ which sounds like graduation when most students are wearing a gown over their clothes anyways, so why would jeans matter?”

“I’m with the friend.”

“I mean, I like getting dressed up on occasion, but choosing to skip prom because you don’t want to dress up and choosing not to dress up for an unskippable (okay, it’s not really mandatory, but family can effectively make it so) event, where no one will see your clothes anyways, don’t seem too terribly subversive to me.”

“She recognized that her chosen attire would not be appropriate for prom and didn’t go.

“She may not have chosen to go to a dress-up costume event, but if OP were a real friend, she would have invited her anyways. OP, YTA.” ~ UncommonTart

“Of course she’s mad she didn’t get invited! It would still hurt to be the only one intentionally excluded, even from an event you’d decide not to attend.”

“It would’ve been easy for OP to give her “friend” the option, but she went all Mean Girl instead.”

“Easy YTA.” ~ EmilyAnne1170

“First of all, I’m glad that you actually acknowledged the utter awesomeness of the party and how some events like these need to have full commitment to them.”

“It’s a ball.”

“It’s supposed to be over the top. A fantasy.”

“But everyone else here has been grossly rude about it, calling the party shallow or stupid, which is upsetting.”

“It shows that people can’t have fun in any way without getting bashed.”

“On to the actual issue, yes.”

“I also agree that not giving the friend a chance was mean.”

“Yeah, she’s not into this kind of thing, which is fine for her, but just asking her if she wanted to join would have still included her.”

“As someone who hates Halloween, I don’t celebrate it. I avoid events and quietly do my own thing.”

“Yet, my friends still invite me to their parties even though they already assume I most likely won’t come.”

“It shows they still think about me and still would like me to join.”

“OP, your friend felt like you didn’t want her there. At all.”

“And that feeling sucks.”

“YTA for not including her.” ~ KrazyCrane

“It sounds like the friend wouldn’t have bothered to dress up ergo the comment she made about coming in regular clothes.”

“I do think OP should have told her in advance that he’s having a dress-up party and formal dress is mandatory and she won’t be able to participate otherwise but he would love her to be there.”

“Then she can decide if her friendship with OP is more important than clothes and it makes her look shallow and not OP.” ~ Scrapper-Mom

“YTA. You made an assumption (which may be correct but might not be) that she would not go in party attire.”

“Even people who enjoy the comfort of dressing 24/7, now and then, like an actual REASON to dress up – like a costume party.”

“You should have invited her, and the invitations can indicate the dress code/theme dressing required!” ~ cynicalmaru

“YTA. I understand your thought and reasoning. It’s logical.”

“The dress might not have fit the event, and you are putting time and effort into it.”

“However, being an a**hole in this scenario means lacking empathy.”

“She is your close friend, you said she loves spending time with you and participating in the club clearly.”

“Your effort is not wasted by allowing a person you love to come to hang out and still participate in having a blast.”

“Do you really think a dress is going to ruin a good time with friends?” ~ VanillaKoger1

Well, OP, Reddit has some issues with your guest list omission.

There may be a lot more you and your friend need to discuss.

Good literature shouldn’t tear people apart.

Hopefully, everything can be resolved, and the book club can continue peacefully.