A common adage among couples, particularly after getting married is:
“What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine.”
Someone who apparently doesn’t agree with that age-old saying is Redditor infinite_zerohero, who may have caused irreparable damage to a friendship after questioning if one half of a couple could really consider themself a homeowner.
Surprised by the backlash she received from these friends, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my friend’s fiancé that it’s their new house isn’t his because he didn’t contribute to purchasing it?”
The OP first filled everyone in on her first visit to the soon-to-be married couple’s new house.
“I [35f[emale]] have a friend Ren [32f] who purchased her first house recently with her fiancé Jack [36m[ale]].”
“Fake names.”
“Ren and Jack had us over this past weekend to see their new house at a housewarming/Halloween party.”
“There were several people there, some I knew, and some I didn’t because they were Jack’s friends.”
“I sat outside for a bit with Ren after having been there for an hour and getting a tour of their new house.”
“I asked Ren how it felt to officially be a homeowner, and she said it was probably their biggest accomplishment so far in their lives and they were both so excited.”
“She said she can’t stop looking at our county auditor’s website and looking up the house address to see their name on it.”
“I never heard of this (we live in the states so I’m not sure if this can be done in other countries), and I asked her to show me.”
“She logged into the county auditor website on her phone and showed me the property records.”
“I saw Ren’s name but not Jack’s.”
Ren then disclosed some information which took the OP by surprise.
“I asked Ren why that was.”
“Long story short, she said that her credit score alone qualified them for a better interest rate and since her parents gave her the $35k down payment that she didn’t want his name on it since she and her family had the most to lose should something negative happen with their relationship or one of them passes away .
“(Her will was rewritten to leave the house to Jack as long as they are still married).”
“Jack apparently agreed to this, and they plan to use this house for equity 10 years down the road and at that time his name will be on the new house.”
“(I knew about her the down payment months ago when they started looking).”
“But she said the house is still Jack’s in her eyes since they are getting married.”
With this newfound information, the OP felt it her duty to remind Jack this was the case.
“A few hours later, some people have left and we sat outside around a fire pit chatting with Jack and couple of their friends.”
“I honestly don’t remember what we were talking about, but Jack interrupted me and asked why I kept referring to the house as ‘Ren’s house’ and not ‘their house’.”
“I didn’t notice I was saying it, but I told him that maybe it was because the house is not his.”
“He asked what I meant and I mentioned the house on the auditor website only had Ren’s name on it.”
“Ren said who cares and that he contributes to the bills and upkeep and he lives there, so it’s his house.”
“I said with all due respect, it isn’t legally. “
“The other friends were quiet, but Jack laughed at me.”
“I asked what was so funny, but all he told me after sipping his beer was to get the heck off his property.”
“I told him it’s not his property and I wasn’t going anywhere.”
“Then Ren said, ‘Get off of our property’.”
“I said Jack should be mad at Ren for showing me in the first place and left.”
“I asked my sister about what happened.”
“She said that his name being on the website isn’t relevant because when you marry you share everything you have with your partner and that I was out of line.”
“But my dad said I wasn’t technically wrong and Ren was wrong for showing me his name wasn’t on the house.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors overwhelmingly agreed the OP was, indeed, the a**hole in this particular situation.
There was a general consensus the OP was sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, with some even wondering if she was trying to provoke the couple into fighting.
“YTA.”
“Not your business to point this out in such a way.”
“They are both aware of the legal situation nevertheless if you live somewhere or is your home, isn’t it?”
“This sounds as if you wanted the couple to fight and you got your wish, they did fight- with you.”-NeedleworkerSuch9895
“YTA.”
“Next time, read the room.”
“It was their housewarming, their party.”
“They’re engaged and even your friend told you how she viewed it as their home.”
“You were a guest and you basically p*ssed on their chips when they were celebrating a big event of being first time homeowners.” – Flashy-Promise-6915
“YTA.”
“With all due respect, their finances and their arrangements are their business, not yours.”
“They are a couple living in a house hence it’s THEIR house.”
“If they were renting, would you say ‘I’m going to my friends’ landlord’s house to visit them’?”
“No, because, for you, it is irrelevant whose name is on the title.” -Tomarerax
Several were also baffled by how even when both Ren and Jack were clearly offended by what she was saying, she still didn’t back down.
“YTA.”
“Why even bring it up at THEIR housewarming?”
“Great way to ruin a friendship by being petty.”- Leticia_Fuvkin_Lewis
“Obviously YTA.”
“Jack and Ren both consider the house theirs so what does it have to do with you and why do you care so much?”
“You owe them both an apology for your weird and obnoxious behaviour.” – donkeyinamansuit.
“YTA.”
“You just learned what it means to be technically correct but lost friends because of it.”
“My wife and I have two cars, with only my name on the paperwork.”
“What kind of jerk would I be if I rubbed that in her face?”
“Even though she signed up to pay for both of them?” -ultralame
Indeed, the Halloween/housewarming party might very well be the last invite the OP receive’s to Ren and Jack’s house.
And other guests at the party might also be hesitant to ever have her over, that is, unless they have their proof of ownership ready to show her upon arrival.