Most of us have found ourselves in financial troubles at some point, and the luckiest of us have had someone there who was able to help us through it.
But at some point, that luck sort of dries up.
One woman found herself the target of need on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Though Redditor Free-Cheesecake7195 wanted to help, she felt she had to set some boundaries.
But after receiving pushback, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was in the wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA because I won’t give my friend half of my vacation fund?”
The OP had a close friend that she gamed with.
“I (32 [Female]) have a very close Playstation friend we’ll call Mary ([Female] 28).”
“We’ve played ‘Destiny’ together practically since the game released.”
“We talk, text, and play together almost every day.”
Recently, the OP’s friend was going through a terrible time.
“Within the last year, Mary has lost her mother to [the pandemic virus], had her handicapped father move into their house, and then moved across the US for her husband’s work.”
“A few months ago, her husband’s company shut down and he lost his job. He was the sole breadwinner for the house.”
“He was able to get a retail job in a management position pretty quickly but they live in an expensive area.”
“She is unable to work because she takes care of her kids and her father. Her father does get some SSI but it’s of course not much.”
“The bills quickly piled up, and a few times over the months, our clan members got together and got them groceries and Christmas gifts for her children.”
“Her husband decided to go a different direction because retail sucks and is in a new job that he is in training for for 6 weeks. During training, he only gets something like $500 a week, which of course is better than nothing but it’s still tight.”
“When she mentioned that they were struggling again, I felt sorry for and told her I’ve been in similar struggles and that after hubby finishes his training, things will get easier.”
The OP recently discussed her vacation plans in front of her friend.
“A few minutes later, a clan member entered our chat and he and I started talking about my vacation that was coming up shortly.”
“He mentioned how expensive the area we are going is, and I told him that hubby and I had been saving up, and since our vaca in 2020 was canceled, we still had that money saved up from last year.”
“Mary grew very quiet the rest of the evening.”
Because of this, the OP’s friend decided to reach out for help.
“The next morning when we were texting, she asked if she could borrow half of our vacation savings since ‘we had saved it for 2 years and it was double what it should be.'”
“I told her no, that hubby and I were supposed to go to NYC for our 10-year anniversary, but since [the pandemic] screwed it up, we were going to go crazy this year and have a great time and not have to worry about our budget.”
The OP and her friend argued about it.
“She called me, crying, saying that this money would really help them out and I firmly told her no.”
“I mentioned how many times our other friends and I had already helped them out and said maybe she could sell her PS5 (PlayStation 5) since she still had a PS4 PRO, and that she could get another when her husband’s income stabilized.”
“At this, she BLEW up, screamed at me at how entitled I am, and what a nasty person I was for not helping out her and her family.”
“Today I feel conflicted.”
“I know that I don’t owe her anything, but at the same time, I do feel bad that they are in the situation that they are in.”
“So, AITA for refusing to help her out right now?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some found the OP’s friend to be very entitled.
“Agreed! Most definitely NTA! You’ve given her money for groceries and bills and now she’s asking for more?”
“Idk (I don’t know) how well you know this person or if you have even really met her IRL (in real life) but I wouldn’t give someone half of my vacation money.”
“You and your clan members have done enough. She should get a job she can work from home (I understand this is not easy) but holy glob try! Have fun in NYC OP!” – Forever_aloneVirgo
“So, the ‘give me half your vacation fund because you have twice as much as you should’ person is calling YOU entitled? What fresh f**kery is this? No.”
“Mary’s behavior should firmly absolve you of any and all guilt.”
“Yes, her family is hurting, but that doesn’t mean YOU should give up something you’ve saved for to solve her financial crisis. That you and the rest of your friends have been so generous in getting groceries and gifts for her kids is amazing.”
“That she’d dare call you entitled for not giving her money is a whole ‘nother story. What’s more, her circumstances would make it likely that you wouldn’t be repaid for that loan for a good long time, if ever. It would not be a smart use of your funds. NTA” – slydog4100
Others questioned the OP’s friend’s spending habits.
“OP – NTA”
“Sorry, but I would love a PS5, let alone a PS4 Pro. However, I have a family to help pay for and so I’m still using my basic PS4. I have to save up for a PS5 and I’ll get it when I can…”
“If Mary has a PS4 Pro and a PS5 and is still actively maintaining a PSN subscription to play online, whilst having no savings… she’s not poor, she’s got bad money management skills and is entitled enough to expect you and your friends to bail her out again…”
“Also the double audacity of entitlement that she wants half of your holiday savings?! I’m assuming for a holiday like that you are talking about $2000-3000 upwards so what does she need that much money for in the next 4 weeks?!” – Antra_Vera
“Agreed. When you are struggling to feed your family, you don’t pay for luxuries, and you sell what you can.”
“I have family members who are always complaining about money issues without realizing they are of their own making. They pay for an OnStar subscription, they have a top-tier unlimited data cell phone plan. They replace their top-of-the-line cell phones often and keep the insurance on them.”
“They replace their tablet regularly and pay for data and insurance on it. They buy every new DVD/Bluray that looks interesting (and give many of them away because they don’t like the movie). $2500 high-end riding lawn mower that they replaced with an equally expensive one 5 years later because it broke and they couldn’t fix it themselves (paying someone to fix it was considered too expensive).”
“So many little places they could save that would add up but no, all those things are ‘necessities’. Don’t feel bad about not helping out when she isn’t willing to do what she could to help herself first.” – NotMe739
“Exactly. Some people waste thousands a year on unnecessary luxuries and then complain about not being able to pay for small things.” – DannyBigD
The OP later updated her post.
“Thanks for all the responses and thanks for making me feel like I’m NTA.”
“I just wanna clarify that I’m 99% sure she’s not lying about her situation. We’ve been friends for years. No, I’ve never met her, but we are or were close.”
“She did reach out last night on text and apologized. She said she was stressed and struggling.”
“I did text her back and tell her that she should apply for benefits for helping with her dad.”
“We haven’t texted this morning.”
It seems the OP’s friend is struggling financially at the moment, but there’s a limit as to how much a person can help an entire family. Though the OP might choose to be there for her friend in other ways, giving up her much-deserved vacation and quality time with her husband doesn’t seem like the way to go.