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Bride Balks After Broke Friend Refuses To Donate To Her Wedding After She Helped Pay For Theirs

Bride crying
Antonio_Diaz / Getty Images

Friendship is based on trust.

So what happens when that trust is tested?

That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) WatchRainFeelFire when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.

They asked:

“AITA For Not Wanting To Help Pay For My Friend’s Wedding?”

OP began with exciting news.

“I have a close friend from college who’s getting married, and she’s been asking for my help to contribute to her wedding.”

And immediately stated the problem.

“I think it’s sweet that she’s thinking of me, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to help out financially.”

“My friend and I have been close for a few years now, and I’m happy for her.”

“She is struggling financially, and they have asked that instead of wedding gifts, people can donate to parts of their wedding ceremony (there’s a registry and everything, like ‘table flowers’ and stuff).”

“I’m know she’s trying to save as much money as possible for certain reasons unrelated to the wedding.”

“But I just don’t think it’s right for me to be helping her out with the costs at this time.”

OP gave their reasoning.

“I’m a recent doctorate candidate (soon), am currently writing a memoir, and I don’t know when I will have time to get a job – anything I give is just that much less time I can live on my own.”

“Even if I could afford it, I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to help out when I know her fiance already has a job and could definitely get another, and some of his friends seem well off.”

“I tried to explain my financial situation to my friend, but she’s still asking for help, even a little.”

“She suggested that I could contribute a much smaller amount than others, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I told her that if I was in a better financial situation I would be more than happy to help out, but right now it just isn’t possible.”

“My friend got really mad at me and said that I was selfish and that she expected more from me.”

“Our group of friends all pledged to help pay for each other’s weddings back in college, and she says that since she helped pay for my wedding ($550), I should help her out, even if it’s just $20.”

“She is also threatening to tell our group of friends, just because all of them contributed to my wedding – but she completely ignores the fact that my marriage didn’t last even one year.”

“I don’t want to lose her friendship, and I really don’t want her to tell our friends – my financial situation is private. More importantly, I also don’t want to be taken advantage of.”

OP was left to wonder,

“AITA for not wanting to help pay for her wedding?”

Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: YTA

Some pointed out how unfair OP was being.


“She contributed $550 to your wedding that didn’t even last a year, the least you could do is help with at least $100, or volunteer to help with the wedding such as clean up, etc.”

“You said her fiance can get an extra job, why can’t you get a job?.”

“Seems like you’re just lazy and not even a good friend.” ~ Serious-Day5968

“Hang on a sec.”

“She paid $550 for your wedding to help you, and you aren’t reciprocating like you already agreed?”

“That makes it an easy YTA.”

“Your marriage failing hasn’t got anything to do with this.”

“‘My financial situation is private. More importantly, I also don’t want to be taken advantage of.'”

“Yet you’ll happily take other people’s money for your wedding. Don’t make stupid pledges you don’t intend on following through with.” ~ Mean_Environment4856

“The comment of ‘not being taken advantage of’ Makes absolutely no sense.”

“Like what does she even mean?”

“The friend said 20 is sufficient. You think someone who gave you 550 for your failed marriage is taking advantage of you by asking for 20?”

“My god lady, go get a job and join us peasants in the real world” ~ Critical-Fault-1617

“Wait … am I understanding that your friend group all pledge to help with each other’s weddings and they all helped you, but now you are backing out of a pledge you’ve already taken advantage of.”

“It doesn’t matter that your marriage didn’t last.”

“You still kept your friend group to their word, and they all stepped and honoured that agreement, but now that you have gotten what you wanted out of it, you can’t even find a small amount to keep a promise you made.”

“YTA and you deserve to be called out” ~ Nericmitch

Others questioned OP’s priorities.


“‘…she helped pay for my wedding ($550), that I should help her out, even if it’s just $20.'”

“So OP is risking losing her ‘friend’ & ‘friend group’ over fecking $20….”


“My friend and I have been close for a few years now…”

“‘I’m a recent doctorate candidate (soon), am currently writing a memoir, and I don’t know when I will have time to get a job'”

“Who spends ALL their time writing a memoir so early in life to the point they can’t even work part-time.”

“Most even published authors still have another main job.” ~ IDDQD_IDKFA-com

“I feel like OP’s friend saying any amount is fine, even $20, is the real kicker here.”

“OP’s friend is showing grace and consideration for her current financial circumstances and isn’t keeping a scorecard by trying to hold OP to the same level of the contribution she made to OP’s wedding.”

“That’s a kind and considerate friend that just wants her friend to show she cares by making ANY contribution that is within her current means.”

“I find it very hard to believe that OP can’t offer ANYTHING at all.”

“YTA for not even trying to consider how you could contribute in your current circumstances.”

“And for thinking that bc your marriage only lasted a year, your friend’s contributions are somehow void?” ~nonbinaryn00dle

The memoir idea was just confusing.

“Why the hell is OP writing a memoir?”

“They sound like they’re barely 30, struggling financially, haven’t done anything of note.”

“I guess there must be a massive ego to write about?”

“At least they can include in it the time they made a deal with their friends, took all the benefits from the deal, and then refused to uphold their end of the bargain in return.”

“YTA” ~ WeOnceWereWorriers

“OP states they want to share with humanity all that they have learned about the human condition.”

“Which as a jobless 20 or 30something straight out of university with NO real-life experience is probably almost nothing.”

“Good writers go out there and live life.”

“You can’t write if you have 0 experience of the world outside your bedroom. No matter who you are, your drunken thoughts are not unique or special enough for a memoir until you live life” ~ linerva

OP did return with more thoughts.

“***Ok, after seeing all the reactions and misunderstandings here, I talked with a couple of other friends in our group and showed them the post.”

“They sent me some money ($100) to give to our friend for her wedding. I’m going to offer $5 at first and see if that is enough.”

“Couple of other points: My friend’s fiancé agreed to purchase my ticket to fly, so giving up that money and not going is not an option”

“My friend did also give me a wedding gift which I returned.”

“I do not have the money for a wedding gift, but I believe being there for her on her big day is a present itself – everyone laughs when I say ‘my presence is present enough’ so I don’t think it’s as negative as others see it.”

“I have not been accepted into a school yet.”

“I am starting to apply for PhD programs. I’m writing a memoir as a tribute and gift back for my experiences – and doing it now to prepare to become a doctor.”

“***To clarify, I understood the $100 is to be used for ALL friend weddings in our group, not just the one now.”

“I am NOT just pocketing the money. I am saving it for when others get married, and that means I have to try to ration it out, for lack of a better word.”

“Note – there are only three people left in the group who are unmarried: my friend, one other person, and myself.”

“***A LOT of people are asking about my memoir. I won’t be sharing details here so as to not take it off-topic. Anyone can DM me for more info though”

“***I offered the $5, and didn’t hear back for a couple of days.”

“So today I offered $20 as a gesture of goodwill, without waiting to hear about the $5. She said no, and even had the audacity to tell me I didn’t need to come to her wedding at all!”

“I offered $25, then $50.”

“Still nothing she just seemed to get more upset even when I INCREASED the amount. IDK what she expects literally more than double what she asked for, and it isn’t enough?”

The agreements we make are vital to the relationships we keep.

When we can’t keep our word, often we can’t keep our relationships.

Written by Frank Geier

Frank Geier (pronouns he/him) is a nerd and father of three who recently moved to Alabama. He is an avid roleplayer and storyteller occasionally masquerading as a rational human.