Body shaming and slut shaming often go hand in hand. Often comments directed at women regarding their clothing centers on immodesty.
But a woman doesn’t expect to get this message from close friends.
A woman who was reprimanded for her bathing suit by her female friends turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Not_here_for_long1 asked:
“AITA for refusing to wear less revealing bikinis?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“For context, I (40, female) have always been on the heavier side my entire life. Over the past year I’ve gotten a personal trainer and have been going to the gym 5 days a week.”
“I’ve lost over 50 pounds this past year and I’m very proud of my transformation. I’m in the best shape that I’ve ever been in.”
“So my three best friends and I rented a house on the lake for the week of the 4th of July, which we arrived at on Monday. None of us live in the same state.”
“It’s a nice excuse for us to all get together with our families. Husbands and children.”
“So before this week I had gone shopping for new bathing suits and I bought my first ever two piece bikinis. I had never had the self confidence to wear a two piece.”
“My three friends are also on the heavy side.”
“Anyways, we arrived to the lake on Monday and we all got moved in for the week. The house has a pool and we all rented a boat for tubing and a couple jet skis.”
“Monday everything was normal and we spent the day outside in the pool, in the lake and on the boat and jet skis. Everything seemed normal.”
“Yesterday was more of the same with no issues, until last night after dinner. My friends and I were sitting on the porch talking.”
“When one of my friends made a comment like ‘you need to tone it down’. At first I didn’t know what they were talking about, so I made a funny comment about nothing.”
“That’s when all three of them lit into me. They said that I need to cover up and that I’m making their husbands feel uncomfortable.”
“Their husbands aren’t staring at me or anything. I think my friends are overreacting and are saying that to make me feel bad about myself.”
“I finally realized that they meant my two piece. I asked what was wrong with them?”
“And they proceeded to say ‘no one wants to stare at your a** and tits!’. I was so caught off guard by this that I got defensive.”
“It’s just a normal 2 piece. My tits are covered with some minimal cleavage showing. My a** is completely covered unless the bottom rides up getting out of the water.”
“Before long we were in a full blown argument. They were saying ‘stop acting like a slut’ and I replied by telling them they are just jealous because they are wearing one pieces.”
“After that I was so hurt that I stormed off to cry in my room. I couldn’t even tell my husband the reason I was so upset.”
“I spent the rest of the night in my room. Now this morning, I’m the first one awake, and I’m wearing another two piece.”
“I mean it’s 90 degrees outside. We are spending the day in the pool or in the lake. It’s not like they’re all going to be wearing a cover up.”
“AITA or are my friends just insecure?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Because my friends think its inappropriate to wear a two piece in front of their husbands.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, sounds like they are jealous that you put in the work to lose weight (congrats by the way) and their husbands are boys if they ‘feel uncomfortable’.”
“What’s the difference going to the beach and seeing women walking around in two pieces or whatever else? We go to the beach to have fun, who cares what people are wearing or sometimes not wearing.”
“Unless you are actively trying to flaunt and flirt with the husbands and show off, then I’d say they are insecure and projecting their insecurities onto you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not up to them to say what you can and can’t wear. You’re there to have fun, spend time together, and relax.” ~ deathinliving
“I’m not going to say this is good advice because it’s an escalation, but after talking to her husband if I were I’d have a meeting with all the adults to profusely apologize to the husbands because ‘your wives all told me that I was making you uncomfortable and you couldn’t stop staring at my a** and tits’.” ~ TiktaalikFrolic
“Just go topless and assert dominance. NTA. It’s not a 2 piece unless you’re wearing both pieces. Malicious compliance!” ~ slambooy
“NTA—during breakfast, bring it up the the entire group that it has been brought to your attention that your swim suit is making all the husbands uncomfortable.”
“Specifically mention that the wives have all indicated that the husband’s are uncomfortable.”
“Watch them squirm as the husband’s get upset at their wives for making them sound like creeps.” ~ lordcommander55
“This situation isn’t resolved at all. Bringing it up in front of the group with husbands present should shed a light on how petty your ‘friends’ are being. Also….definitely NTA.” ~ FrankieBubots
“Your friends are definitely just insecure. I live in California and spend a lot of time at beaches/lakes/pools with my wife and her friends or my friends and their wives.”
“Most of the women wear two pieces because they want to tan. It’s a normal thing. Nobody is uncomfortable.” ~ QuriousiT
“Ya know what… a bikini and a one piece both cover up your ‘a** and tits’. What your still heavier friends are unhappy about is that your a** is smaller as is your midsection and they are jealous.”
“I bet if you went around in an ugly mumu they would still be jealous and still find something to complain about.”
“NTA and you need better friends. If you had to cut your vacation because you had an ’emergency at home/work/petsitter’, or whatever, your friends might breathe a sigh of relief that you aren’t there to ‘tempt’ their husbands with your new body.”
“I roll my eyes with disgust at their shallowness. They could have just been happy for you and the work you have put in to get to the point that you are confident enough to wear a bikini.”
“But no, they had to take you aside and light into you. WTF and NTA.” ~ YouthNAsia63
“I’m an American who moved to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for three years, and I definitely had to get used to the teeny string bikinis and the thong bottoms being super common. But eventually I realized it just didn’t matter.”
“They’re more comfortable in Rio’s extreme heat, but also, it’s amazing how fast you get used to butt cheeks and side boobs if you’re seeing thousands every day.”
“One really refreshing thing about Rio is bikinis are not really sexually coded (well, no more than all other clothes are), or at least they are not gated by body type, i.e. there didn’t seem to be a belief that you have to have a ‘bikini body’ to wear one. Old ladies wore them, obese ladies wore them, it was just normal beachwear.”
“Anyway, when I was new there I commented once to a Brazilian friend ‘Those bikinis of yours sure don’t cover much!’ She replied, ‘Yes, but the bits they do cover are very important!’.”
“Like, there could be the eentsiest little triangles of fabric, but by god, the nipples and the labia were COVERED even if absolutely nothing else was.” ~ NorthernSparrow
“As a married man… I can still stare at someone’s a** and tits in a one piece. I mean, I try not to, but women’s swimsuits tend to be very revealing regardless.”
“I mean, so do men’s usually. If you’re swimming, you’re probably showing a bunch of skin, that’s just kind of what happens.” ~ StationaryTravels
“NTA. If a man is uncomfortable with a woman’s outfit that is a HIM problem. You aren’t wearing the outfit for anyone but yourself.”
“Your *friends* are jealous of your weight loss and rocking body. And that is a THEM problem.” ~ SusanfromMA
“Just to be clear, there is a 0% chance the husbands are bothered by this. This is definitely her friends using their husbands as a tool for their own jealousy. NTA.” ~ TheShadowKnows23
“It’s not like she’s wearing the bra piece around her abdomen and the bottoms as a hat. She’s got them covering the right parts. NTA.” ~ FrankaGrimes
“‘My straight male partner doesn’t want to look at your tits and a**’ is absolutely the insecure translation of ‘I don’t want my husband looking at your tits and a** because now I’m worried he won’t look at mine the same way’.”
“And because up until recently their husbands weren’t looking at you that way, you have gone from benign equal to unknown threat.”
“I would bet $100 these are women who don’t hang out with anyone more attractive than them on a regular basis. People like this don’t have friend groups—they collect social insulation.”
“Ignore these harpies. They’ve just shown you they aren’t really your friends.”
“My response would be to be fully covered from head to toe, have your husband make a comment in front of the group, and very coolly say ‘I wouldn’t want to make any of the men uncomfortable, right ladies?’.”
“While making direct eye contact and preferably sipping some Chardonnay or something. NTA. I hate losers like this.” ~ daddy_tywin
It might be time for OP to reevaluate her friendship with these women.