We can all agree that whenever we plan an event, it would be great if everything would just go according to plan. But sometimes that just doesn't happen.
And sometimes the changes in plan can be quite disruptive, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor PerformanceNo7439 recently organized a gaming event with a few friends, only for a 9-year-old to be thrown into the mix.
After being criticized for their reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were wrong for how they handled the situation.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for not letting my friend's child play on my PS5?"
The OP's gaming session didn't go as expected.
"I invited some gamer friends over to play games together."
"One of them arrived with his 9-year-old son. He told me his wife was busy so he had to bring his son with him."
"I was annoyed because I hate children, and my friend had just shown up with one without any prior notification, but I told him it would be fine as long as his son was quiet."
The child didn't respond well to the adult-only session.
"After a couple of minutes, the 9-year-old asked, 'Can I play?'"
"I told him no, this is a gaming session for adults."
"So then he started screaming and crying and went over to the PS5 and touched it in random places until he found the reset button and pressed it."
"Then he turned the TV off."
"Then he grabbed a cushion and started angrily beating it on the couch, all while still screaming and crying."
"So I told my friend to leave and take his son with him."
Not everyone appreciated the OP's response.
"My other friends are telling me that I was harsh and should have just let him play with us."
"But I don't want to have to dumb the game down to a child's level just to prevent him from having a tantrum."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes
Some agreed that was quite the tantrum.
"He's NINE! I would not expect this type of reaction from my five-year-old at someone else's house."
"In our own home on a bad day and he's tired and hungry, then yeah, I can see him having that level of reaction."
"But even in the privacy of our own home, he's expected to accept a no."
"Not saying he would easily accept a no, but it would be expected that he doesn't become a raging a**hole, AND HE IS FIVE."
"NTA" - i_was_a_person_once
"NTA."
"PS5 is h**la expensive and hard to get right now. Also, it's yours, you don't have to let someone use it."
"If your friends don't respect that, get better friends. Who lets their kid throw a tantrum and grope all on someone's expensive tech? Crazy s**t." - VelvetRaynet
"NTA. 2 of my closest friends are fathers, and they know not to let their kids even come close to reaching that point when we're gaming, hanging out, or watching movies."
"Sounds like bad parenting to me." - Pretend_Mine_5909
"NTA. Your friend really should have bought things to entertain the child. It's not difficult."
"A 9-year-old is way, way too old to behave like that. It's not normal behavior at all and your friend should have stepped in before he actually touched anything." - tbeckvcgvcgws
"NTA. DUDE. That kid is f**king with your console, yanking at cords, and interfering with play in-session. He clearly can't be trusted around an expensive piece of gaming equipment." - AnatasiaRomani
Others agreed and said the dad should have come more prepared.
"NTA"
"The friend should have controlled his child or brought something to keep him entertained. You did the right thing by making them leave." - OrcEight
"NTA. It's up to the parent to deal with the kid. If he didn't have childcare, he should have stayed home or given you a heads-up text letting you know the situation, so this whole thing wouldn't have happened." - egoraphobic
"NTA. I always have to minus 3-5 years from a post about a child's behavior on here before it makes any sense to me. Throwing a tantrum like that at his age is just embarrassing."
"His dad was an a** for bringing him without asking in the first place, especially if the dad knows his son acts out like this wherever he is."
"I'd like to say the son may have some developmental problems, but so many kids these days seem to act several years younger than their age, so perhaps it's just that a certain type of bad parenting has become widespread."
"Your other friends can take a hike."
"I can easily imagine Bratty McTantrum throwing the controller in a rage. You shouldn't have to risk your expensive possessions being damaged because some entitled parent brings their ill-behaved child to your house."
"That type of parent is exactly the type to think they shouldn't have to pay for damage too, as 'That's just what kids do,' or some other hand-washing rationalization for irresponsibility." - jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
"NTA, I also don't really enjoy kids. I can usually be nice enough, but I would not want one coming to an adults-only gaming day/night."
"The friend should've asked first or just withdrew from the night and said he'll be there next time."
"If I want to spend time with my friends including their children, I'll make a specific plan for it; otherwise, I'm pretty much a no child area." - elynian
"I'm not a 'kid person,' and not a fan of hosting kids at my apartment, but at least if there's some prior communication, we can figure out what the kid will be doing to keep occupied."
"This could've gone better if OP's friend had called ahead saying, 'Hey man, I got the kid today, can I bring him with me?'"
"OP: 'Uh, maybe, is he gonna want to play with us?'"
"Friend: 'Ahhh, you know what, he might, would you be okay with that?'"
"OP: 'Not really, I wanted this to be an adults-only gaming session. Does he have a DS or Switch he can play to keep him occupied?'"
"Friend: 'No, I think he's gonna have a hard time if he can't play with us, maybe I should sit this one out.'"
"OP: 'That's cool, see you another time!'" - VisualCelery
Though the friends didn't totally agree with how the OP handled the situation, the subReddit understood why they were upset.
The child had a serious tantrum around expensive gaming equipment, the OP didn't know the child would be there, and the child's parent didn't properly plan to keep the child preoccupied while everyone else was gaming.
That sounds like a recipe for disaster, not a fun gaming night.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.