Most people want to help their relatives be healthy any way they can. But when a relative’s health needs require a change in lifestyle, it can quickly stir up conflict.
That’s what happened to a man on Reddit whose weight loss surgery offended his in-laws when he was unable to eat the steak dinner they ordered him at a celebratory dinner.
He wasn’t sure about how he’d handled things, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Neither_Grade_869 on the site, asked:
“AITA for not eating the dinner my in-laws insisted I order?”
He explained:
“I(34M[ale]) am married to my wife(35F[emale]). I have always struggled with my weight growing up. My parents passed away when I was 8 years old and my Aunt took care of me. She had a very high demanding job and would feed me fast and junk food.”
“When I went to high school, I weighed over 200lbs and after graduation, I was at 250. My senior year of college, I weighed about 350lbs and decided to make a change.”
“After I graduated, I decided to work on myself and become healthier. I lost about 100lbs and gained some of it back when my Aunt passed away. When I met my wife, I weighed about 275 and was not happy with my size. My wife loves to cook large portions of food and didn’t see any problems with my weight.”
“I decided to pursue a bariatric surgeon in August of 2020 and got the surgery in November of 2021. My stomach is smaller and it keeps me from overeating. I am slowly losing the weight as I have been eating broth and small amounts of cottage cheese. I have not been able to eat protein or fish as it makes me sick.”
“My in-laws and I don’t have the strongest relationship as they met me when I was still very big. They always thought my wife could do better and would tell me that I was lucky that she settled for me.”
“My wife got a huge promotion in her job and her parents wanted to take us out for dinner to her favorite steakhouse. Knowing I can’t eat a ton, I ordered a cup of soup and water. My in-laws gave me a look and insisted that I order a steak entree.”
“I told them that I could not eat meat yet as it made me sick. I went to use the bathroom and was surprised to see a steak entree being delivered to me. My wife whispered to me to take a few bites to please her parents.”
“I told her that I was not going to eat something that I did not want and watched as everyone finished their meals. There was a ton of awkward silence and FIL [father-in-law] was quite angry that I did not even try the dish. My wife is hurt and thinks I should have just eaten the meal to keep the peace.”
“AITA for not eating the dinner my in-laws insisted I order?”
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Unsurprisingly, nearly everyone was firmly on OP’s side and thought his wife and in-laws were being very insensitive.
“NTA. You have a special diet. You’ve had weight loss surgery. You HAVE to care for you stomach and eat a doctor monitored diet as instructed. They don’t get to guilt you into hurting yourself. Everyone sucks except you.” –Careless-Repeat-7713
“Also, the wife needs a backbone. She is aware of OP’s eating restrictions. Stop playing up to mommy and daddy and stick up for the person you CHOSE to marry. The wife being hurt is just ridiculous. OP atleast went to the steakhouse and chose something he could eat. He didn’t make her dinner about him and his eating, he adjusted and found something he could consume. NTA, not even in the slightest.” –Fun-Tourist-7395
“THIS. Congratulations for making the hard changes to start yourself back on a healthier path. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about taking care of your body.” –omegaxx19
“NTA. I have to wonder if ordering him the steak is their way of trying to sabotage his “diet”. Bet they don’t understand or know anything about bariatric surgery.” –B00k_wyrm
“Double NTA. Tell them to Google dumping syndrome. Ask all of them if a nasty intense 45 minutes of flu like symptoms is worth a bite of steak. It will take months before your ready for anything like that. I’m 5 years out and started at a similar size to you if you’d like to message me for advice or questions.” –enemyoftoast
“Exactly this! This is a dietary requirement under doctor’s instruction. Would the in laws expect OP to eat gluten if they were celiac or order them something with a high sugar content if they were diabetic? Or secretly order something that OP was allergic to?”
“NTA, people need to understand that dietary requirements aren’t limited to allergies. And that doctors can instruct someone to have a special diet for a variety of medical and health requirements. All of which are completely valid. Overall, everyone else was being incredibly disrespectful.” –PersephoneFoxx
“NTA. Wife should have stood up for him. Asking him to eat a meal that would make him sick to please anyone isn’t something supporting your mate. He’s the one who should have felt hurt.” –No-Row8651
“Also, as someone who had that surgery, red meat like steak is HEAVY and I couldn’t eat it until I was about 5 or 6 months post op, it just didn’t sit well in my stomach. Similarly, lamb was heavy and made me feel sick for the longest time. NTA!” –DizzyCaidy
“100% NTA. I applaud you for standing your ground. It is hard when the InLaws treat you like crap and try and walk all over you.”
“I am sorry that your wife doesn’t give you more support.” –Hausmannlife_Schweiz
“NTA!! You did exactly what you should have done. There is absolutely no reason that you should make yourself physically sick simply to appease others. What they did was out of line and uncalled for and quite honestly you’re owed an apology probably from both your wife for not being so understanding and for sure from your in-laws.” –KaleidoscopeNo4431
“NTA. It’s a matter of your personal well being. No meat means no meat, not, ‘Just try a little bit’ your in-laws are AH’s and your wife is a soft AH for putting pressure on you” –DeathCultJester
“NTA. would they rather you took a couple bites of a dish you didn’t order only to get sick and have to leave?”
“i’m more concerned about the fact that your wife didn’t stand up for you at all. that should be the first conversation you’re having after this.” –intergalacticcircus_
“After bariactric surgery you are given a time-line of when you are able to eat things as you adjust to regular eating again. Your wife should have been aware of this and defended your health. Your in laws are entitled asses and wife should have been your rock. Is she cowed by their steamroller personalities? Avoid her family, explain to your wife she should be supportive of your health choices and dietary needs. NTA but you are surrounded by them.” –mymermaidisadog
“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I’ve seen people who were overweight try to sabotage the success of others who were doing better. They argued it made them feel badly about themselves. He doesn’t say how heavy the wife and her parents are… but I’m betting they were overweight too.” –B00k_wyrm
“You can’t have steak (or pork) for 3-4 months after the sleeve surgery. It would have made him very sick. If he didn’t throw it up immediately it could put him at risk for developing a leak in his stomach which is extremely traumatizingly painful and could kill him if left untreated. In laws are horrible, his wife doesn’t seem to have a spine against her parents.” –zyco_
“Definitely NTA. You have a medical reason not to eat the meal. You are not a child and can order whatever you want. Your wife is prioritising her parents happiness over yours. You were under no obligation to “keep the peace” because you did not disturb the “peace”. This some bullsh*t.” –icanschwym
“NTA.”
“I have a lot of dietary issues. There are just certain foods that will instantly make me sick be it gut wrenching pain, gas or straight up diarrhea. & Often i also run into people who insist on making me eat something i explicitly say i cannot.”
“What i do in these situations, (of course after several attempts to simply state it’s not happening) is i just flat out tell them: “Why do you want me to get diarrhea so bad? Do you have a poop fetish?”. It shuts them up. and gets them to leave me the fu*k alone. Idk why people need to police what others are eating.”
“it’s your body. you decide what goes in it. they’re not the ones that have to suffer the consequences.” –holosexual90
Hopefully OP and his wife and her family can find a way around all of this.