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Mom Calls Gay Brother ‘Greedy’ For Refusing To Split His Inheritance With Her Three Kids

Man counting money
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Redditor FriesWithMacSauce recently lost his last remaining parent, so naturally the question of inheritance has been broached.

The Original Poster (OP) has one sister, and they are meant to split everything evenly, however sister feels differently.

An argument ensued between the OP and his sister, driving him to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

He asked:

“AITA for refusing to share my half of the inheritance money with my niblings?”

“My sister [40-year-old female] and I [34-year-old male] recently lost our last remaining parent. We are both devastated, but regardless, the logistics all need to be worked out.”

“Our parents were very clear in their will that our inheritance and all property are split evenly between the two of us. It’s to the tune of around $1 million.”

“Here’s where the problems start. I’m gay, I live with my partner who I’m not married to across the country from the rest of my family. My sister and her husband have 3 small kids under 11.”

“My sister said that since it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever have kids (which still remains to be seen, I haven’t decided that yet)…”

“…and because I live a comfortable life currently, that I should take at least a quarter of my inheritance money and open bank accounts for her kids.”

“Instead of using her own money to do that, she wants to buy a McMansion to get out of their smaller cramped house.”

“Basically implying that her and her family need the money more than I do since they’re married with kids and I’m not.”

“She thinks my parents were unfair when they created the will and that I should ‘do the right thing’ to make up for their mistake.”

“Our entire family is split on the issue. My BIL is obviously on my sister’s side and says I’m being greedy and don’t care about my niblings’ future.”

“Our aunts and uncles and cousins all have differing opinions, with the more homophobic side of the family saying I’m being a greedy a**hole.”

“This is causing a major rift and I’m worried that eventually she’ll cut me off and wont let me have a relationship with the kids anymore.”

“Part of me thinks maybe they do need the money more than me. Maybe I should just let the money go.”


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

    • NTA – Not The A**hole
    • YTA – You’re The A**hole
    • NAH – No A**holes Here
    • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“NTA. Your parents decided to split their estate evenly. What you and your sister decide to do with your halves is completely up to you. I wouldn’t give one penny to sis or her kids.” – Dragon_Fire_Skye

“NTA coming from someone with 3 kids and a brother with 0, your sister’s kids are her and BIL’s responsibility.”

“No one forced them to have kids and they are the greedy ones trying to get more money.” – DelurkingtoComment

“NTA. You sister absolutely does NOT get to decide how you spend your half of the inheritance. It’s up to you.”

“Money doesn’t have to be used to further future generations, and you aren’t less deserving of the money because you do not (yet) have children.”

“There are many other things the money could be put towards. She doesn’t even want to use her money for her children specifically — she wants to purchase a bigger house!”

“You can say no, and still decide you want to privately put it in a trust for them to access when they are 18 to be used for schooling, or whatever you like, if you like.” – fallingintopolkadots

“NTA. Just like you might make the choice not to have kids, she made the choice to start a family knowing that children are financially draining.”

“She shouldn’t be awarded extra money for choosing to live a more expensive life than yourself.”

“SIL seems very entitled and I hope you keep that half for yourself instead of enabling her entitlement and making her believe she’s in the right” – Organic_Account2812

“This. NTA. An inheritance is a GIFT that is well thought out. Respect your parents wishes.”

“A far better choice than giving your sister the money now would be to leave it to your nieces/nephews in your own will so they can have a step up many years in the future…”

“Should you choose not to start a family, leave it to your husband, start a charitable trust, or whatever else you want to do with YOUR money:)”

“Sister needs to be happy she was just handed $500k!!!” – tictactoss

“Wow. Your sister is awfully presumptuous with your money!”

“NTA. Do you not see more than a little underlying homophobia in what she’s proposing? Would she say the same if you were a straight man or a straight woman?”

“Highly unlikely is my guess. Plus as you point out, you may actually want to have kids some day!”

“Don’t give into to bullying, which is what she’s doing as well as the other homophobic AHs in your family.” – Ok-Profession-9372


“It’s your money. You didn’t f*ck those kids into existence.”

“I’m guessing your sister has probably bullied you your entire life and you’ve normalized it if you’re looking at this situation and saying ‘maybe I’m the one in the wrong’” – Fit-Establishment219

“NTA and I’m confused as to why I’m seeing more posts about people who think their family members that don’t have children should pay for their choice to have children.”

“Your sister and her husband can take care of their children, your parents did exactly what they wanted to with their money.” – Firm-Psychology-2243

“NTA, you have just as much right to your whole share as she does. What you do with it is none of her business.”

“I’m sure she and her family can survive (!) on $500k, and even if she gives $83k to each of her kids from her share (what she was planning on taking from you)…”

“…then only having $250k left over is hardly going to leave her destitute.” – greggery

“NTA and your sister is a greedy something or another. You don’t owe her or her progeny anything. If your parents felt those kids needed the money they would have left it to them.

“Don’t let your sister guilt or manipulate you into doing something.”

“And honestly, as a gay man to another.. F*ck your family, man.”

“Your parents did with their will what they wanted and anyone trying to make an issue on anything about it doesn’t need to be in your life.”

“You know family isn’t always who you are related to. Time to cull the herd.” – BrianZoh

“NTA, your sibling just got $500,000…they are now being greedy!!”

“Also the will already kind of includes the kids, Because if the will was split to include grandchildren it would be 25% to your sister, 25% split evenly between her children…”

“…25% for you and 25% for any children you produce, and having produced no children that 25% would go back to you…”

”they are just being greedy and don’t want to set up trusts for their own children.” – Prudent_Fold190

“My parents are purposely avoiding naming grandchildren and spouses to keep things simple. NTA.”

“What your sister does with her half is her business, the same goes for you. Her kids are under her umbrella so to speak and she can do what she feels best.”

“You are not obligated to do anything for anyone (not for kids or anyone else).”

“If you do decide to give anyone any money, I’d like to offer 2 pieces of advice – give it with NO STRINGS and check the tax ramifications for a gift.”

“In the US, I think the current max for a calendar year with no tax repercussions is around $15k.”

“Good luck! 🍀” – petmomintheBLC

“NTA. Nowhere near an AH. That space is solely reserved for your sister.”

“Your parents decided how they wanted to divide their assets. Honor their wishes.”

“Your sister can buy a larger, less expensive home and use the remaining money to open accounts for HER children. Or not. No matter, funding offspring she chose to have is not your duty.”

“Her and your BIL need to readjust their priorities.” – Intelligent-Big-7210

Your sister is getting $500,000 and can’t figure out how to set some aside for her kids? There’s the problem, not you” – Rick_Flexington

The OP went on to update their post:

“Update: I talked to my sister and told her that giving her kids a quarter of my inheritance is off the table. No ifs ands or buts about it.”

“I told her that the most I’m willing to do is leave her children as the heirs to my estate if I don’t end up having kids of my own…”

“…but if she wants to set up accounts for them right now it’s going to have to come out of her own money.”

“She was salty about it but begrudgingly agreed, I think showing her this thread also helped. She’s not going to cut me off from her kids, and she said I was crazy to think she would ever do that.”

“Thank you guys for helping me gain the confidence to stand my ground. Crisis averted.”

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)