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Gay Man Threatens To Cancel Wedding Unless Fiancé Kicks His Best Friend Out Of Wedding Party

Photo by Maico Pereira/ Unsplash

Weddings are a stressful time.

And next to the seating chart one of the most stressful issues is the guest list.

You want people there who support your union.

That’s why it may not be the best idea to invite people who may have a thing for one of the soon to be newlyweds.

Case in point…

Redditor MasterpieceHealthy33 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my fiancé I won’t proceed with our wedding if he insists on inviting his female friend?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (29 M[ale]) fiancé (32 M) has a female best friend since childhood (32 F[emale]).”

“Now I’m not the person who gets jealous over my partner being friends with the opposite gender.”

“I’m bisexual so it wouldn’t be rational of me to have some weird expectations like this.”

“Plus my fiancé has many female friends as a straight guy and I have friends of both genders as well.”

“What bothers me here is not the gender of the friend but whether or not they’re able to respect boundaries.”

“So I’d make the same talk if the friend in question was a male.”

“So to the point. His female best friend, Rachel has always been in competition with me regarding on who’s more important and a bigger priority to my fiancé.”

“At first my fiancé failed to stand up to her and set boundaries but after a small break we had and after we reconciled he realized the importance of boundaries and set hard boundaries with her.”

“I know that whenever she sees me or hears about me she’s not happy but we act kind to each other despite our actual feelings.”

“This situation by the way has been rolling out for the past 5 years that I’ve been with my fiancé.”

“When he proposed Rachel didn’t congratulate us at all and completely overlooked our entire engagement and kept referring to me as my fiancé’s ‘girlfriend.'”

“My fiancé kept correcting her each time even telling her how she’s not funny or quirky doing this she’s just disrespectful and after a certain point she stopped.”

“Now that we are planning our wedding, we picked out our groomsmen and bridesmaids and my fiancé has his female friend as one of his groomsmen, a grooms woman.”

“After my fiancé asked her to join that role, she texted me a lengthy paragraph which to sum it up said :”

“‘Just so you know your fiancé and I are still each other’s priority.”

“You may marry him and have kids with him, share a house with him but right know he picked me as a grooms woman knowing how that would bother you because he cares about not hurting my feelings more than your feelings.”

“You can’t easily ruin friendships like that.”

“Just stay in your lane and accept your place.”

“You might be his wife but I’m his best friend and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Make peace with it and who knows soon enough we might get along.'”

“I showed my fiancé and he said he’ll deal with her and I shouldn’t worry.”

“I told him I’ve had enough, and that the only solution I’m accepting is proper consequences for her actions.”

“That means she’s either dropped as a grooms woman or uninvited.”

“He makes the call for which one it will be but I’m tired of his best friend not having real consequences of her actions and getting her way.”

“I won’t trust him enough to proceed with our wedding if he doesn’t set clear limits and make his friend face the consequences of her behavior.”

“He said what I’m doing is very unfair because he is not responsible for her actions and feels like I’m putting unnecessary responsibility and pressure on him.”

“To be honest the reasons I told him this was because I’m afraid Rachel is right.”

“If she is indeed right about him respecting her feelings and discomfort over my feelings and discomfort and she’s indeed a bigger priority to him then there is no reason for us to get married.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“This might come off horrible & I’m sorry if it does but, should you decide to go through with the wedding, you should really consider a prenup in the event that it doesn’t work out.”

“This chick is obviously in love with him and will never stop trying to come between him & whoever his partner is.”

“In my opinion she sounds a little crazy.”

“If you have rabbits I’d put a lock on the cage so you don’t come home to find them boiling on your stove.”

“Edit to add: NTA.”

“The title made me think you were but after reading the post it’s clear that chick is 50lbs of crazy in a 10lb sack.”

“Fiancé needs to cut ties completely, not simply put some distance between them.” ~ Occasional-Mermaid

“I think you’re handling this in a very calm and fair way.”

“The way she’s acting is childish and ridiculous.”

“As his wife, you should never allow another woman to stand between you and your husband or take the primary place that should be yours.”

“By showing him her actions and asking him what his priorities are, you are being quite reasonable and mature. NTA.”  ~ Spirited-Safety-Lass

“’Stay in your lane and accept your place’ got me heated.”

“OP has been a saint for not losing her s**t on this ‘friend’ since day 1 of disrespect!”

“I hope fiancé means what he says and sticks to it bc from the sounds of it, so far.”

“She’s been right. She has been a priority over OP.”  ~ turd_ferguson083

“NTA. I saw the edit and I’m SUPER happy that your fiancé came to this conclusion!!”

“He might take some time and prodding, but at least he’s able to see the light and put your feelings 1st!!”

“Makes me tend to believe that you’ve got a good one, congrats.”

“Also, I was gonna say that I’d worry that she might try some passive aggressive crap at your wedding.”

“Does your fiancé really want to get into her line of thinking and give her (or anyone really) that opportunity on y’all’s special day??”

“Even if by him doing so, he would create a LIFELONG memory of how that day was ruined??”

“If so then yes, he absolutely cares more for her feelings than yours.”  ~ munchkinita0105

“NTA. You’re not being remotely unfair.”

“The only response to that text is him telling her to get to f**k off.”

“Not just in regards to the wedding, to his entire life.”

“If someone had sent something half as bad as that to my husband I would let them know they were, for all intents and purposes, dead to me.”

“I would not marry this man unless he takes appropriate action.”

“This is insanity.”  ~ nibbler981

“Yes indeedy! OP is NTA.”

“However, if fiancé dumps Rachel, uninvites her to wedding, or demotes her from groomswoman, she will ratchet it up and do who knows what.”

“She ain’t giving up without a MAJOR fight.”

“She will try anything to break you two up and try to make you miserable.”

“Also likely spread many rumors. Be aware.” 

“ETA: Might want some security for wedding & reception if there is even a remote possibility of Rachel doing some sabotage. Beware.” ~ Ducky818

“I was trigger ready with an AH judgement but after that message, I’m with you all the way.”

“I think she should go the wedding.”

“Show her at the end of the day who won when you become the wife.”

“However, for that to be effective she needs to step-down as grooms woman and not be in the bridal party at all.”

“An ultimatum is bad if you’re not ready for the consequences.”

“If you see it as possible he chooses her (even 0.1%) and accept it, go for it.”

“In this case, she’s thriving on the attention and being able to show she matters more.”

“So your fiancè needs to choose if he wants a marriage or to have such a toxic competitive person in his life instead. NTA.”  ~ Anizziepluto

OP swung back with an update…

“Update: The update probably came sooner than I expected and maybe than you expected as well.”

“While I had this post up, I was sitting next to my fiancé.”

“I told him that I don’t want to ask feedback from family and friends and I don’t want them involved in our drama so I’d rather get some unbiased feedback here.”

“He’s been reading some of the responses and while at first he was very defensive over his actions, he just now started realizing on how he has to reflect on this a bit more.”

“I also explained to him once again in detail on why what I think Rachel is doing is bad.”

“And how it might destroy not just our relationship but any future relationship he might get even after we break up because no person would be willing to stand for that disrespect.”

“We are having a chat about it now and he’s thinking of distancing himself from Rachel.”

Sorry Rachel…

“Edit 2: For the record, he decided to uninvite her from the wedding completely and later distance himself from her.”

Well it sounds like OP has it all under control.

And in a promising light, OP’s groom to be is on board.

Reddit is here for you no matter what OP.