Curiosity about sexuality is a normal part of being a teen, but sometimes the curiosity can turn downright invasive.
For one gay man on Reddit, that’s precisely what happened when his teenage cousin kept bombarding him and his boyfriend with very personal questions, until he finally had enough. And now, he and his family are embroiled in conflict.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name Einsteins_Idiot_sun on the platform, took his question to the Am I The As*hole subReddit.
“AITA for refusing to make my cousin a Christmas dress until she stops asking about my sex life?”
As he explained:
“Hiya!”
“Been lurking on this sub for a while now but decided, since I have reason to post now, I’d make an account and ask y’alls opinions.”
“My aunt and cousin moved in with us a few months ago. Their landlord is a complete AH and they had to move out. They are now staying with me, my bf, mum and dad.”
“They’re overall pretty easy to live with but they have a few quirks. Specifically my cousin. She’s seventeen and recently got into ‘yaoi.'”
“You know, the stories about gay guys that are almost mainly targeted to straight girls. I know guys read or watch it to but in my experience it’s mainly straight young ladies.”
“Anyway, this turned into a mighty big obsession. She would ship every single gay couple in movies/tv/books.”
“My family watches Shameless together. If a straight or lesbian s*x scene comes on she will make vomiting noises and cover her eyes. But if it’s two guys, she’s all over that, doesn’t even blink.”
“Recently, she’s started asking my bf and I some pretty inappropriate questions. E.g. like ‘who’s the seme and who’s the uke?’ (had to google what the h*ll that meant). She seems to think all gay relationships are toxic.”
“‘X and Y from x show do it when they’ve had an argument. Y does what he wants when he wants. Are you two like that?’ Um no. We have a healthy relationship babes.”
“Very uncomfortable questions. Now I’m not gonna be a prude. My mum and dad had the talk with me and made sure that I knew all about safe sex and everything, I can talk to them about anything.”
“However I just don’t feel all that comfortable with my cousin being so interested in my sex life. She’s not exactly an angel either. My aunt caught her picking on a girl in her school who’d come out as gay.”
“You know those guys that’ll pick on a gay guy but then go home and watch lesbian p*rn? Yeah, she’d like the straight girl equivalent of that.”
“It’s been getting on my nerves for ages and eventually I snapped at her and told her to give it a rest. I told her that for someone who’s so obsessed with gay people, she can be quite the homophobe.”
“She’d asked me if I could make her a dress for Christmas. It’s the only thing she’s asked for and it’ll let me practice my dress making skills so I agreed. But I told her the other day that I’m not making it for her if she keeps being so invasive.”
“If she can go from now until Christmas without being invasive then I will make her the dress, if she can’t then tough luck. Why should I reward her for that behaviour?”
“My aunt and parents wholeheartedly support me but my uncle called yesterday saying that cousin had phoned him in tears and told him what happened. He argued that she was just curious and that I’d be an AH for denying her the dress now.”
“She has her little heart set on that dress and I know she’ll be gutted if she doesn’t get it (I feel like crap for making her cry) but I am sick of being constantly interrogated about my sex life.”
OP’s fellow Redditors were asked to give their two cents on who’s in the wrong in this situation using the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And a consensus quickly formed.
“NTA. If she wants a dress she can respect your very reasonable boundaries.”
“Your uncle is an enabling asshole. Tell him that he’s raised his kid to live in a world without consequences and that her shitty entitled attitude is partially his fault.”
“You didn’t make her cry. Her entitlement did.” —sh*tsandfarts
“NTA. She can learn actions have consequences. If she fails, get her a pair of socks or a satsuma instead.” —Tennnujin
“NTA… You had your little heart set on her respecting your boundaries, but look what happened.” —2xth
“NTA”
“So she fetishized(apologizies if thats not the right word in this case)gay men and thinks it’s okay to stereotype them and ask invasive questions? But then thinks it’s okay to try and get free stuff from you even after she knew she was making you uncomfortable?”
“Yeah, no. She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut and learn her actions have consequences. And she should be punished for bullying that girl.” —BookWormWolf888
“NTA – becoming a fujoshi is a very bad path for her to go down. She needs to learn that you and your partner aren’t anime boys and that gay men (and also lesbians jfc) aren’t “sin” or “vomit content” she can consume or retch to others about to her heart’s content. This is behavior that needs to end now before she seriously screws up and acts foolish to the wrong people.” —strangytie
“NTA”
“She’s old enough to understand that actions have consequences. If she doesn’t already, she’s more than old enough learn. You’re under no obligation to demean yourself for someone who’s unwilling to respect you and your wishes.” —ImHereForLifeAdvice
“NTA. She needs to learn boundaries and how to respect them. She also needs to learn to respect gay people, as it seems she really only views them in a fetishized sort of way.” —fkalux12
“NTA. Boundaries are healthy. She needs yo respect yours.” —Nebsy_Websy
“NTA.”
“Actions have consequences. You have laid out reasonable consequences for her actions, which are clearly out of line. Time to grow up.” —DLF11
“NTA. I’m a bi woman. I completely know what it’s like to be fetishized. It feels so gross and uncomfortable. Add in the fact that she’s a member of the family and it adds a whole new level of discomfort.” —TealHousewife
Hopefully this family can agree to respect each other’s boundaries and come to a solution.