Not everyone has the same standards when it comes to hygiene and cleanliness.
There are those who feel little to no pressure to ever wash their hands, or clean up a mess.
Others however, can’t handle even the smallest spill, and never leave their home without hand sanitizer in their pocket.
Redditor BethanySinnet017 is a self-anointed “germaphobe”, and was appalled by the lack of hygiene her new boyfriend’s family displayed in the kitchen.
But after angering her boyfriend over the way she behaved, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”, (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ’embarassing’ [my boyfriend] and ‘ruining dinner’ at his family house?”
The OP shared how things in her relationship took a turn for the worse on the night she met her boyfriend’s family for the first time.
“I will get right to the chase.”
“24 F[emale] and I’m a germaphobe.”
“I’ve been seeing ‘Will’ for 8 months and we were just invited to his parents house for a family dinner.”
“This was my first time meeting them.”
“When we got there, dinner was still being prepped by the mom and 2 sisters (in their 30s).”
“All throughout dinner all 3 of them were taking food from the counter, reaching down and feeding the dogs out of their hands and were continuing to use their bare hands to prep the food without washing the obvious dog slobber from their palms and fingers.”
“This continued all throughout them prepping the food.”
“Even to a point where them feeding their dog the cut up veggies that they put out with dipping sauce and continuing to cut up more veggies with again, not washing their hands. “
“So you could physically see slobber on a lot of the finger foods placed out.’
The scene being simply too much for the OP’s “germaphobic” tendencies, she made the decision to leave, but wasn’t able to do so quietly.
“I took Will aside and told him I wasn’t eating any of that food and explained why.”
“He told me not to make a big deal out of it and that cooking the food would basically burn off the bacteria.”
“I told him in response that I truly don’t care and that I would not be touching the food, and said I wanted to leave.”
“I never asked him to bring me home (he brought me in his car).”
“I called a friend for a ride.”
“Now these people knew how I was with germs already because it got brought up in conversation; so it shouldn’t have been any surprise in my opinion.”
“Now on to how I could be an AH.”
“My friend was 20 minutes away and while I was waiting for her to arrive, Will’s mom tried handing me a deviled egg with her bare, dog slobber fingers.”
“I politely declined and she continued to push, stating that I would love it and that everyone brags about her deviled eggs.”
“Will was standing beside me and said ‘just take the egg’.”
“After like 5 minutes of them not letting up, I stated ‘You do realize that there is dog slobber all over this food right?'”
“Wills mom immediately became passive and walked off and Will said ‘Wow, cant keep your thoughts to yourself to save face with my parents makes you insanely f*cking childish’.”
“I just walked outside and waited for my friend because it was awkward after that, and then left.”
“I’m being told I ’embarrassed the f*ck’ out of Will and ruined dinner because apparently his mom was super quiet after that and barely spoke to anybody.”
“He said I should have just kept my mouth shut.”
“Which I would have if they were trying to shove food down my face after I had already said no repeatedly.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly took the side of the OP, and agreed she was not at all the a**hole for refusing to eat contaminated food.
Just about everyone was appalled that the family of the OP’s boyfriend could have possibly felt it was ok to serve the food they were preparing, and were even more surprised that her boyfriend still pestered her to eat it.
“I can get downvoted to h*ll and back but imo that is disgusting.”- ServelanDarrow.
“I have a dog.”
“I never feed her during prep, only after.”
“I wash my hands every time I touch her during prep (if she wants a pet or something).”
“And I’m not a germaphobe at all.”
“It’s basic hygiene.”
“She offered, you said no, she pushed, you countered.”
“So first, I don’t blame you at all for not wanting to eat any of that.”
“You talked to Will, he knew why you were leaving, and you did this quietly.”
“Will could have then helped facilitate that exit- ‘she isn’t feeling well, her friend is coming to get her’.”
“He then could have helped with the egg- Mom, she isn’t feeling well, she will have to try them another time.”
“Instead, he joined in on trying to force food you didn’t want on you, and HE knew why.”
“He made it impossible for you to just politely decline food and make a graceful exit.”
“That’s on him, because his mom feeling bad could have been avoided if he had helped you out, or even helped his mom out by not forcing the egg on you.”
“For the record, I also would have been grossed out.”
“But even if I wasn’t, you get to decide what you put in your body, not anyone else.”
“I don’t see how your relationship survives this though, because that’s the family you would be sharing holidays with, and none of that food will ever be okay for you.”-mfruitfly.
“People can be kind of lax when it comes to food prep in their home kitchens, but some things are still a bit too far.”
“Additionally, his mother reacting so strongly to a simple comment is a bit dramatic in my opinion.”
“Also, Will sounds like he’s kind of an AH.”
“Instead of respecting your decision, he sat there and pressured you into doing something you didn’t want to just to keep his family happy.”
“He should have supported you, or at the very least distracted his mother.”-Load_Altruistic.
“This is one of the reasons people who work in restaurants have to take food safety courses.”-sarkarnor.
“NTA, that’s disgusting.”
“I have dogs and sometimes I’ll feed them little scraps but I immediately wash my hands right after before I continue, although I usually try to toss it on the floor beside them so I don’t even have to touch them while I cook.”
“I would think anyone, germaphobe or not, would be disgusted by this.”
“You were not wrong in any way.”
“Your boyfriend majorly sucks, and I don’t know why you’re with someone who clearly has no respect for you.”- keIIzzz.
“Im not a germaphobe and this still grossed me out.”
“Basic food safety is not a weird or irrational thing to care about.”
“You stated a fact.”
“There WAS dog slobber all over the food.”
“A valid reason why you refused to eat it and didn’t want to have it forced on you.”
“Will and his family are the ones who sound immature and childish.”- Emmett_is_Bored.
Others pointed out that, germaphobe or not, her boyfriend’s family should have respected how the OP declined the food in the first place, and shouldn’t have placed pressure on her.
“‘No, thank you’ should only be required once.”
“Regardless of your reasons for not eating, it really is that simple.”
“The refusal should have been respected, and Will’s mother and he are both TAH here.”- tosser9212.
“And disgusting food aside, they REFUSED TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.”
“Which is bad enough for one person doing it, but then your boyfriend ganged up on you and BOTH of them continued to try to force you to take something you didn’t want.”
“No is a complete sentence no matter how many times the same question is asked!”-Deep_Direction_2984.
“I’m not a germaphobe, but wow. NTA.”
“They wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“You didn’t expect them to drive you home.”
“You called a ride.”
“You tried to be tactful and said no.”
“You told the bf why you wouldn’t eat the food and he tried to force you to.”
“If she’s embarrassed about the dog slobber comment, clearly she knows that you aren’t supposed to do that.”
“Also, just dump the guy, if he hasn’t dumped you yet.”
“He’d rather placate his mom than respect boundaries or your ‘no’.- BioGirl956.
“NTA , people should def respect boundaries.”
“You’d already declined and they continued to push.”
“Not to mention feeding the dogs while cooking and not washing your hands is nasty, PERIOD.”
“As your man , that guy shouldn’t have allowed them to make you feel so uncomfortable smh I’m sorry you had to experience that.”-SweetBxbyRaee.
If this relationship has any hope of surviving, the OP’s boyfriend and his family will need to seriously reevaluate their standards of cleanliness in the kitchen.
They might even want to think about doing so regardless.