We all have that stuffed animal or blanket from our childhood that we can't quite let go of.
Redditor Vancil is sick and tired of their boyfriend's teddy bears.
But here's the catch — they're not from his childhood.
So what does the Original Poster (OP) do about this?
Turn to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA), of course!
They asked:
"AITA for wanting my boyfriend to get rid of his teddy bears?"
They explained.
"So my boyfriend is a great guy, but he has about seven different teddy bears, all with names, not from childhood but like recently bought them between 3-5 years ago."
"He cuddles them and sometimes talks to them. He lives a normal life and makes good money. The relationship is overall good."
"It's not even like he ignores me. I just find it really weird and embarrassing."
"I told him he should grow up and stop being crazy. He started crying and is now in the room talking to the stupid bear again instead of talking it out with me."
"How does this guy make enough money for a 3-bed house on his own yet does stupid stuff like this?"
"For the record, we don't live together and completely support ourselves separately. Should I encourage him to get a hobby or something?"
The OP was left to wonder...
"AITA: For wanting a grown man to stop having teddy bears?"
"As far as I know, nothing happened to make him specifically want a teddy bear. The first one he got because it was a Pokémon thing or whatever, then it just spiraled into more."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"YTA. I'd find dating someone as insecure as you to be weird and embarrassing. I hope he ditches you and keeps his bears." - Elle_Degenerate
"Agree. Someone threatened by teddy bears in a relationship is a new one for me on this sub, lol."
"YTA, his bears bring him comfort and joy, not sure why you'd want to take that away… -_- Either get over yourself and be a better partner or let him go to find someone who doesn't shame him." - squuidlees
"YTA - You made the comment "As far as I know, nothing happened to him..." which is exactly right."
"You have no idea what went on in this man's life to get to this point but still feel like its ok to judge him. If it makes him happy and doesn't hurt anyone, then what's the problem?"
"He is a fully functioning man making enough money for a three-bedroom home. Leave him to his toys." - GoblinandBeast
"YTA. The dude has his life together to the point where he owns a 3-bed house. He's allowed his coping mechanisms."
"Everyone has their weird quirks; if his are really too much for you to tolerate, this isn't the relationship for you." - Venetrix2
"YTA."
"'Should I encourage him to get a hobby or something?'"
"I think he's already got one, but you don't approve of it."
"'I told him he should grow up and stop being crazy. He started crying and is now in the room talking to the stupid bear again instead of talking it out with me.'"
"The first part of your sentence doesn't suggest that talking it out is what you wanted." - diminishingpatience
"YTA in this situation, and quite frankly, if this is the biggest issue you have with your bf then you should consider yourself lucky."
"I'm in a throuple and both my partners [Female age 25] [Female age 28] love stuffed animals and squishmellows of all kinds. Our room is full of them."
"I'd never think to tell them to get rid of them. If it's not weird for an adult female, then it shouldn't be weird for an adult male."
"Sometimes people don't always get to have stuff like that during childhood, so they try to make up for it later in life. Why make him get rid of something that makes him happy?" - thebaylorweedinhaler
"You made him cry over something personal and private that probably brings him a sense of comfort. Do I have to tell you YTA?"
"Everyone has something about themselves that isn't 'normal.'"
"If the worst thing he does is talk to a stuffed animal, you have it better than you think you do, and if you don't like it, end the relationship so he can find someone who loves his quirks and all." - Environmental_Bee678
"So you're saying that you have a sweet, financially stable bf but you're going to screw up your relationship because you're embarrassed he has a childish side?"
"I'm sure if you dump him, he can find someone who appreciates him. Yta" - Odd_Negotiation_557
"Does he think they talk back to him? That they are alive? That they are the reincarnation of some dead person? No? Then YTA."
"He has found a safe mechanism for dealing with stress and sadness."
"While it's a bit unusual, the premise isn't all that much different than keeping a journal, but instead of writing it out, he's talking it out to an inanimate object."
"And you act like a complete AH over it, then wonder why he isn't talking to you?"
"So many people turn to drugs, or alcohol, or risky behaviors, or develop eating disorders, or self-harm in response to stressors, and you're complaining about teddy bears?"
"Maybe the issue is that he turns to the teddy bears because he isn't getting emotional support from his partner." - Material-Profit5923
"YTA"
"He has a hobby. Sounds like what he needs is a new partner." - DemonicSymphony
"YTA and a bully. I hope he breaks up with you. What a jerk."
"I always wish I could reach out to the partners of the people who make these posts and show them the comments so they can see how awful their person is and how they don't need to be treated that way."
"There are way better people out there to settle for someone who bullies you." - axley58678
YTA, you should be happy he didn't break up with you yet. In most societies, men aren't 'allowed' to openly show their feelings or admit to liking more childish stuff like that."
"So why do you make him feel bad about something that gives him joy? People should stop trying to take the joy away from others." - Alqeta
"YTA, maybe try to accept your boyfriend's quirky side instead of trying to force him to change."
"Teddy bears aren't hurting anyone, and if it brings him joy, why would you get in the way of his existing hobbies?"
"Shame on you for shaming him." - Djorgal
"YTA,"
"Why is this such an issue? The relationship is normal, and he does not even have that many teddy bears. You would faint if you saw my collection."
"Seems like he has a hobby, but you don't approve of it. I would suggest you get a hobby instead of getting so worked up over stuffed animals."
"And don't even dare to throw them away or sell them when he is not there. Because I can already see your next post." - Amar_Akbar_Anthony20
"YTA that's not even that many teddy bears, I mean, have you seem some grown peoples' squishmallow collections?"
"it makes him happy, and it's pretty normal these days to see adults with big plushie collections."
"might be concerning that he's talking to them, but this post obv isn't out of concern. It's just you being judgemental" - M4RC3L111
"YTA. Look, we all collectively went through a trauma a few years ago, and people developed different coping strategies. It's not hurting anyone, just don't be so judgemental and rude." - EvenOrchid6345
"YTA. Unless what he's doing is unhealthy than what gives you the right to dictate what he buys? Why don't you just go out and find yourself a manly man Andrew Tate type." - Jbwest31
Plot twist.
"Ok so confession time. I'm actually the boyfriend that was yelled at to clarify it's a same-sex relationship."
"What set my boyfriend off was the plushie I got was from Paw Patrol. I guess it made him extra mad since it's a kids' show."
"I just saw it as a cute police dog and didn't even know what it was from. So I made this post from his view to see if he is right and I am a freak and weirdo, among other names he calls me."
"Like I said, I completely support myself, so it's not like I miss work for my stuffed animals."
"I think it started because the past few years have been scary for the world as whole, and I'm already really sensitive. He would tell me things like man up etc, and I try to but can't."
"I can't tell you, guys, how much reading all the supportive posts that it's ok for me to have plushies have made me cry from the support."
"As for the talking thing, when I talk to my bears, it's mostly me venting about my day while listening to quiet music."
"I'm glad to know that he is the a**hole, and I'm not a monster for wanting to hug teddy bears." - Vancil (OP)
I hope the OP brings the receipts to his boyfriend when he tells him to kick it.
And a few more receipts for some new plushies to add to his collection.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Cancel Date After He Makes Too Many Sexual Comments
Dating can be really hard, because let's be honest, as fun as it's supposed to be, there are some very strange prospects out there.
While some might just be socially awkward, there are definitely some walking red flags, ready to push every boundary, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Suspicious_End_441 had been talking to a guy for a little while and was planning to go on a first date with him when he started sending her increasingly inappropriate text messages.
But when his texts went far past her comfort zone, especially for someone she'd never met, the Original Poster (OP) planned to call off the date and truly never meet the guy in real life.
She asked the sub:
The OP had been talking to a guy and was looking forward to going on a first date with him.
"For context, I (30 Female) met this guy online and have been talking to him the past few days."
"He asked me out, and we planned a date for today. He seems really nice so far."
"I like him, but he’s made a couple of comments that maybe seem like a red flag to me."
"First off, I did my nails for the date, and he asked me to send him a picture, so I did."
"Then he made some comment like, 'Those would look great wrapped around something.'"
"I kinda brushed it off because I know that’s how some guys are... but it did give me the ick a little."
"Then I asked him to tell me more about himself, and the second thing he told me was that he has a high sex drive."
The potential date texted:
The OP no longer liked the idea of dating the guy.
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude, but this made me slightly uncomfortable. I’m wondering what reason you would need to tell this to someone you haven’t even met yet."
"I didn’t think he would be expecting sex on a first date, but this made me rethink."
"I’m also recovering from a surgery that I had three weeks ago, and he knows this. So that literally isn’t even an option for me, not that I would wanna do that on a first date anyway."
The OP considered never meeting the guy in person.
"I kind of feel like he’s making too many sexual comments too quickly, especially considering I didn’t engage with his first comment at all."
"Am I overreacting, feeling like I maybe want to cancel the date and block him?"
"I just feel like these comments are an indicator of his expectations... or maybe he is just 'being a guy'?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some had second-hand "ick" from reading that text message.
"NOR. My face when I read that text: [Dan Levy from 'Schitt's Creek']" - Unlikely_Captain_499
"I’d nope out right after the nails comment. After I blast him for being completely out of line." - WHYohWhy__MEohMY
"If he’s that comfortable saying stuff like that before he meets you, imagine what he’ll say after he knows you better." - ScrambledNoggin
"Gross. That joke should be saved for wife or long-term girlfriend where you know you'll get a laugh... or more accurately, an eye-roll and a 'threat' to not sleep with him for the next three months, LOL." - HovercraftIII1258
"Every time I get my nails done, my husband says something similar to that, and I always reply, 'I think they'd look good jammed in your eye sockets,' and we both laugh, LOL. But we've been married for over a decade. When we met and when we were dating, he was incredibly polite and possibly TOO slow in making advances. THIS is gross." - wingin_it0618
"This is exactly what I expect as a response from a man heavily in the dating scene right now. Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control." - BrayIsreal
"If he's giving you the ick, listen to that. It's not going to go away. Don't waste your own time or his. Plenty more fish in the sea, girl." - Zieglest
"As a man who is heavily in the dating world right now, that sounds like such a turn off, and any self-respecting girl who wants an actual relationship would not even talk to him anymore after this. It's so cringey and makes all of us guys look like there's no reason we want to go out with them other than getting laid. As a guy, it's really annoying; it makes girls weirded out by all of us. Sigh."
"Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control."
"That was the dumbest thing he could say to kill his chances. I wouldn't bother with him." - BrayIsReal
"NOR, I wouldn’t want to go anymore either. Making multiple sexual comments before even meeting someone is purposeful, and I doubt he remembers that you can’t do anything due to your surgery or even considers whether you want to."
"Don’t brush off how your gut makes you feel. If you are uncomfortable, then you are under no obligation to go." - AliBari
Others urged the OP to listen to her gut, not to go on that date, and to immediately block the guy.
"If he is already this forward, making sexual comments to a complete stranger, then it will only increase from here; he’s not going to suddenly stop. OP, if he already makes you feel uncertain or pressured, then don’t bother." - saiphxo
"Your gut is telling you something and wants to keep you safe. Don't ignore it." - SparkEli1
"Stay far, far away from this guy. Block. Don't look back. Men like this use high sex drive as a disclaimer for zero boundaries later." - CompetitionLankys
"Trust your intuition. Don’t go."
"I (39 Female) am very comfortable with casual sex and hook-ups. When single, I have never needed an emotional connection with a man to let off some steam. I don’t need him to make me feel special or like we have potential. I don’t need to know his hopes and dreams. I separate men into 'just sex' and 'potential for more' easily."
"I do need him to show the most basic level of respect and not be a creep. I would stop talking to this guy the instant he started speaking like that, even if my intention was to just f**k him."
"We are already talking, we are already about to go on a date, why is he turning it creepy sexual, what is that doing for either of us. It just speaks to a lack of judgment, I wouldn’t want to trust. If he can’t handle a basic text conversation without being a creep, why would I trust him to be alone with me?" - TheCa11ousB**h
"Ok, so I'm a degenerate, but even I wouldn't say something like 'those would look good wrapped around something' to a person I'd never met."
"I mean... do I have to be dad here and say the obvious? It's some guy on the internet who's looking to f**k. Is that really what you want? He can't even be bothered to type the d in the word 'and.'"
"Also, your nails look cool." - skippybeefree
"I’m more insulted that it’s just a terribly uncreative line. This guy's a bum!"
"Also, it's a huge red flag is the first thing he describes himself as a clean freak and needs things done his way. Sounds like a control freak, which would make me dip out immediately." - JeromeBarkley
"Only you know what you need to do. Feel safe. Feel comfortable. Feel SAFE!"
"If you don't, then cancel."
"Some men (I am a man) sometimes say way too much way too soon, and some men don't know how to hold a decent conversation. Sometimes just telling them how you feel about the sexual comments and seeing his reaction will tell you more than anything else he has ever said to you up until this point."
"But always remember you can choose to back out at any point in a date, even if you turn up to have dinner but can't walk in. The same goes for him as well if he turns up but doesn't walk in. We all have the right to feel safe and comfortable, especially on a first date." - Ok_goal6591
It was possible that the guy was just excited about the date, nervous to talk to someone new, socially awkward, or just joking at an inappropriate level.
Unfortunately, though, it was much more likely that these comments indicated the guy's expectations for the first date and how he would treat the OP if she set boundaries, especially regarding his inability to perform after surgery for safety reasons.
While it would be fun to meet someone new, it was much safer for the OP to wait for someone else.