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Homeowner Balks After Girlfriend Expects Them To Move Into Her Rental Home With Her 10 Pets

two cats with moving boxes
Irina Gutyryak/Getty Images

It’s hard to say no to an animal in need. But no one benefits from irresponsible pet owners.

People shouldn’t adopt animals they can’t afford to feed and house.

They haven’t rescued the animal when they can’t take care of it—they’ve just transferred it from one bad situation to another and deprived the animal of being adopted by someone that can afford their care.

A man dealing with a girlfriend—who rescued more cats than she can afford to house—turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Dramaticthrowaway asked:

“AITA for telling my girlfriend her expectations are unrealistic and that I won’t sacrifice my house to move in with her?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“My girlfriend and I have dated for around 3 years. We have lived separately this whole time, but obviously see each other often.”

“In a few months her lease at her current house (1800 sqft) is going to be up and we’re discussing moving in together. She has 9 cats and a dog and a daughter.”

“I have a dog. I own my house (bought it 3.5 years ago before I met her) and it’s about 400 sqft less than her place.”

“She wants me to move into her house she’s renting when I have a perfectly good home to live in.”

“I understand her concerns about space and the comfort of the animals, but 1300 sqft isn’t THAT small and I feel like it’d be a horrible financial decision to give up on my 2.8% interest rate and start renting again (especially because my home’s value will probably continue to increase).”

“On top of that her rent is MORE than my mortgage.”

“She’s adamantly against living in my house though and is acting like I’m a d*ck for trying to explain it’s a bad decision financially to do this. I haven’t been trying to be abrasive or rude or talk down to her or her desires.”

“But she seems to think if I don’t move into her rented house, I’m not making sacrifices for her.”

“Am I the a-hole?”

The OP added:

“She seems to think I’m being a d*ck because I told her that her expectations are unrealistic and that it’d be financially irresponsible for our future.”

“Her main concern is that there won’t be enough room for her animals to be comfortable. My argument is that financially speaking, space is expensive.”

“We need to make it work and figure it out because it’s not in our budget to own a house bigger and renting isn’t financially responsible when I own.”

“Part of my issue is that she’s currently struggling to pay for the space she has now. She currently shares the house she has with a roommate (who would leave if I moved in) and their dog but is seriously considering a second job to afford it.”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I told my girlfriend her expectations are unreasonable and that she needs to adjust how she views her housing situation.”

“We were planning on spending our lives together, but I don’t know how to work around this when we can’t live together.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.

“NINE CATS? That woman doesn’t rent a house, she runs a F-ING ZOO.”

“Your girlfriend needs an education in compromise. Compromise, it turns out, does NOT mean ‘She gets whatever she wants and her opinion is right. You’re an a**hole if you disagree!’.”

“Absolutely do not sell your house, regardless of whatever else you do.”

“I cannot imagine wanting to live in an 1800 sq/ft house with two adults, two dogs, a child, and nine cats.”

“Even MORESO, I cannot imagine wanting to allow my SO to bring that type of scenario into my home, either.”

“The zoo would be a dealbreaker for me in general, as would her behavior in not understanding how good your position is and why it would be entirely ASININE for you to sacrifice that position.”

“NTA. The more I think about it, the more I realize that your girlfriend is probably either not being forthright or possibly doesn’t even know that she is unwilling to contribute to YOUR house.”

“She could resent that you have a house and she doesn’t, and she could simply not want to contribute to a house/property that she has no ownership in.”

“Which, were it the case, would be hilarious because… wtf do you think renting is, girl?” ~ Aggressive-Bed3269

“NTA. 9 cats in an 1800sq ft home is just cruel (and probably unsanitary). Honestly, any more than about 3-4 cats in a home that size is excessive.

“MAYBE 5, but even that would definitely be crossing into ‘OK, you’re really pushing it’ territory.”

“VERY VERY VERY FEW people have any business owning 9 f’kn cats. I love cats. I’d own every cat in the world if I could.”

“But I live in a ~1100sq ft apartment, and I know that any more than the two cats I have would start feeling really cramped and messy. For 9 cats, you need to live in either a mansion or on a farm or something where the cats have tons of space to roam.”

“This is animal hoarding.” ~ wtfarekangaroos

“NTA. Loving animals is great. Loving animals so much that she can’t afford enough space to keep them is not.”

“You say that the main issue for her is that your place is smaller, and she thinks she needs more space for her animals (which she may very well—space is a big deal when there are so many).”

“But also that she can’t afford her place without help, and renting her place is a bad financial decision versus paying off your place.”

“So she’s wanting you to move in with her and disadvantage your financial situation so she can afford her animals.” ~ calling_water

“NTA. If you give a 1300 sqft house with a 2.8% interest rate mortgage to move into a leased home, you’d be making a terrible mistake.

“Your girlfriend isn’t just unrealistic. She’s out of her mind.”

“The financial benefits of staying in your house are worth her downsize in space.” ~ buttercupgrump

“So she needs a lot of space, mostly for her animals, which she can’t afford on her own.”

“So she’d like you to move in and help her pay rent for her larger house, despite you owning something that would be far more affordable and suitable—if she didn’t have nine cats.”

“NTA. The issue isn’t you, the issue is she has nine cats and can’t afford the space she needs for nine cats.”

“I love cats too, but not beyond my ability to afford space for them. And I certainly wouldn’t expect someone else to help fund that.” ~ calling_water

“NTA. That’s financially irresponsible on her part. Toss away equity to pay MORE money for 400 square feet?”

“And nine cats and two dogs in one space? Does your dog even get along with her pets?”

“You’re in the right here. Financial incompatibility is the #1 reason couples split up, you know.” ~ FuzzyMom2005

“NTA. Even aside from the hard fact that it is not financially beneficial for you to start renting again, no means no. She sucks for not respecting your decision about your daily life, which you are fully entitled to make for ANY reason.”

“Consider this a test run for what life would look like if you committed to her. A test run which served its exact purpose in exposing red flags.”

“When she doesn’t like your living arrangement, and you don’t like hers, you kept things objective and civil while she assumed her stance was correct and got rude with you.”

“She misrepresents any time you don’t obey her instantly by vilifying you. This is also a manipulative tactic to make disagreements about policing your tone rather than the subject at hand, which you have a valid point in.”

“It isn’t enough that you’re both comfortable in your respective homes. She wants to see you ‘sacrifice’ for her. Meaning she views relationships as a zero sum game where she won’t be happy even when she’s winning, she needs to see you lose out too in order to be satisfied.” ~ Sebscreen

“NTA. I have been with my guy for 14 years, and we do not live together. We live differently and are not compatible in the same space.”

“His house is much louder than mine, and I can’t do that. I can’t live in loud.”

“Once all of our kids are moved out and securely on their own, maybe, but we are not hurting by not living in the same home.”

“Outside looking in, it kinda sounds like she wants you to give up your stability to shore up hers, and that is a huge red flag.”

“And nine cats is ridiculous.” ~ imtooldforthishison

“NTA. You guys are obviously not ready to move in together. And that’s okay! You might be better off each having your own private space and solo time.”

“You can still be in a committed relationship without living together and dealing with all the domestic unpleasantness of putting up snoring, farting, dirty dishes, and laundry. Live apart and keep the romance alive.” ~ 666POD

“NTA, and dude, RUN!”

“A partner that expects you to ‘sacrifice’ for them instead of compromise is a gigantic red flag.”

“Plus, this is objectively a bad financial decision on every level. You wouldn’t just be ‘sacrificing’ your home, you’re nuking the main opportunity to build generational wealth in America.”

“You’re giving up a huge opportunity to give something to any future human children you may have so the animals who will not care about a slightly smaller home can have a few extra square feet.” ~ SelectCase

“NTA. Your girlfriend has too many cats because she’s not financially able to support them on her own. The solution is simple.”

“Five of those cats, minimum, need to be rehomed. Four cats, two dogs, your house, no more problem. She’s being irresponsible and a bad pet owner.” ~ Reddit

The OP has some decisions to make, but Reddit was sure selling his house wasn’t something he should consider.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.