Redditor justineyyweanie is a 26-year-old woman who got into a snowboarding accident.
Her physical pain was exacerbated by emotional stress when the manner in which she sought help conflicted with that of her boyfriend.
After a series of back-and-forth phone calls led to a possible fracture in their relationship, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for getting x rays after snowboarding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained why going forward with the procedure was a point of contention with her boyfriend.
“Today I fell snowboarding and knew instantly I broke my wrist and was in physical shock, I was in and out of consciousness, sweating, couldn’t breathe, nauseous, etc.”
“Another boarder stops to help me, calls ski patrol while I call my bf (27 male) to explain what happened.”
“I explain ski patrol is on their way to me, and they’ll be taking me to medical at the park base, immediately starts yelling, cuts me off and says ‘I would’ve just f’king got you, see you in a bit,’ disregarding that I’m actively in the middle of a run with other skiers and boarders pulling over to help get me out of my board and move me off to the side. “
“I call him back, explain I don’t know if my wrist is broken and reiterate my location and that it wasn’t somewhere he could just get me from, and that I don’t think I’ll see the doctor there and instead go to the ER a few towns away if I really thought it was serious considering I have no insurance and we are financially broke.”
“As I got loaded onto the ski patrol toboggan the pain just escalated, the feeling of physical shock came back as I was moving more on the sled, I called my dad who lives 1900 miles away to tell him what happened, and he tells me ‘Go get checked now I will pay for it don’t wait if you can get seen now do it.”
“So I call my boyfriend back and tell him I’m doing just that, and he gets mad at me saying I’m ‘using my parents’ and guilted them because ‘what else did you expect him to say when you told him you were in a toboggan hurt?'”
“I called him again after I got my x rays back, and he said ‘we have a lot to talk about when you come home’, and now we are essentially breaking up because he doesn’t want me to accept help from my family or ask for it because ‘adults just man up and deal with it. I’ve gone days without eating cause I couldn’t afford food.'”
“His parents were and still are ‘fend for yourself’ type of parents. I’m aware I’m very privileged with the parents I have in offering to help, but I don’t think because he doesn’t have the same concept of a support system I should be made to feel awful for turning to mine or accepting help from mine.”
“ATIA for going to the ER after accepting my dad’s offer to help me pay for it?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole for getting the help she needed as necessary.
“NTA but your BF is. You would be better off dumping him as money seems more important than your health. That’s messed up.”
“Happy your dad was willing to help out. Parents are supposed to do that if they are willing and able to.” – einyv
“Honestly what is the point of having family and friends if you don’t support each other and look out for each other?”
“There’s no point in you suffering and potentially doing permanent damage to your wrist for no reason, and I’m sure your parents would so much rather help you than know you were suffering in pain – because they love you and care about you, as parents should.” – StarInkbright
“INFO: in your BF’s mind, what were you supposed to do? Just go home and tape a few popsicle sticks to your broken wrist, take an aspirin and hope for the best??”
“There are some things you really can’t just ‘tough out.’ Broken bones are on that list.” – Kathrynlena
“Bones can set wrong if given time. He has no way of knowing if the bones were in place or off. Your body tries to start healing as soon as it can. If you let it heal in the wrong place, it’ll be more pain and time to try to fix it, if you could.”
“You did all the right things, and he verbally abused you over it. You’re better off finding someone who wouldn’t treat you like this, even if you’d been wrong.” – Worried-Good-7952
“NTA but the boyfriend is a total a**hole.”
“I am recovering from surgery to fix my shattered left wrist. Because I am dealing with Workers Comp, it took 10 days to see an Ortho & another 2 weeks to get approved for surgery.”
“One of the concerns my Ortho has is that the surgery was complicated & depending on how PT goes, I could be classified as permanently disabled.”
“NEVER mess around with a possible fracture.” – Francie1966
“He’s an a**hole. Seriously. You were going in and out of consciousness and he thought a soft brace would be OK? It’s a good thing you’re breaking up.”
“You deserve someone for whom your health and well being are paramount, not some strange idea about self-reliance. Besides, self-reliance also includes knowing when you need help.”
“Don’t settle, you deserve better. Good luck to you and make sure you get an interesting cast! (Also, don’t stick things in there to scratch if you itch, we once had to get my daughter a new cast ASAP before something bad happened when she got a pen cap stuck down there and was too embarassed to say anything until it started hurting.)” – Pencils_
“You dealt like an adult – you asked for help when you needed and followed through with a check up with a doctor to ensure there was no lasting damage.”
“Those are adult things to do. Knowing your limits is important. Knowing when to seek help is important. I can assure you your parents are proud of you for having the clear head to reach out.”
“You are NTA, and your BF should have been grateful your parents are the kind to want to keep you safe when you ask for help.”
“Move on from him and the chip on his shoulder. I hope you feel better.” – Shanisasha
“NTA Love your kind and caring parents. I know I’m planning a whole supportive future for my kids due to the bullshit I endured/still deal with today.”
“My rich mother gave me just enough money for Christmas to fix her cell phone. And then she also wanted a case, so her ‘gift’ for my family of 4 was -$20.”
“Like please let’s not do gifts next year, I’ll come out ahead at least 🥲. This ‘tough love’ he wants is bordering on abusive and he would make a terrible father.” – LeDayz17
“NTA. Ffs, he thinks ending up with a permanent deformity due to leaving two fractures untreated is preferable to accepting help from parents who care about you? This man needs counselling.”
‘Adults just man up and deal with it.’
“No mate, adults have the good sense to accept the help they need when it’s offered instead of persisting with some petty need to prove themselves. Hope you feel better soon OP!” – BooBob69
“Can confirm that your boyfriend offers horrible and completely incorrect advice. You absolutely need X-rays to make sure that a broken wrist is aligned properly before treating it in a cast.”
“Unless it’s a children’s buckle fracture, it’s not typically treated in a Velcro splint so I seriously doubt that he has actually seen a doctor for these supposed multiple breaks. In other words, he is just making stuff up.”
“If a malunited fracture heals improperly, especially for fractures involving the joint surface, it’s very difficult of impossible to correct later and this can cause rapid onset of arthritis and lots of other issues.”
“There’s a limited window of time – 3 weeks or so – before surgery becomes much more difficult so his idea to leave it in a splint without any X-rays is not a good idea. Do you want to be with a guy like this who lies and disregards your health and treats you with disdain?” – asecretnarwhal
Overall, a majority of Redditors suggested the boyfriend’s response to her injury indicated red flags and that getting the X-ray was the right thing to do in her situation, no matter what the boyfriend thought.
In the comments, the OP added:
“I just want to already thank everyone for their kind words, I’ve thought for a little while now he was gaslighting me but today really was the icing on the cake.”