As much as we would all like to be that the world is made up only of kind people, there are some who really seem to go out of their way to be cruel.
Unfortunately for some of us, one or more of those people are a part of our family, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor TomorrowEveryDay felt like she had escaped a family of people like that when she and her ex-husband divorced.
But when she heard from her ex’s latest girlfriend, the Original Poster (OP) decided to be honest with her about what she experienced.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for being honest with my ex-husband’s girlfriend?”
The OP walked away from a difficult marriage.
“I was married for 3 years. We divorced 2.5 years ago. The marriage was bad.”
“I was stupid. I ignored a lot of warning signs because I was naïve.”
“I got my son out of it, but I also know that might not be a great thing for my son.”
“My ex was a widower with kids when we met. He seemed ready, seemed like he wanted to date, but there were signs that I missed or ignored or just was too dumb to do something about, I’m not sure.”
“He talked about his wife all the time and had her photos and their wedding photos everywhere.”
“Everyone loved and adored her and she was this saint in the family, someone who was perfect in every single way, and nobody would ever be as good as her.”
“His kids were especially unhappy about me but nobody treated me well when I look back.”
“I was compared to his wife, made to feel like I was trying to steal from her, made to feel like I was just unimportant in general.”
The relationship ended when the OP became pregnant.
“It all unraveled when I became pregnant and he revealed to me he never loved or had wanted to be with me, let alone marry me.”
“And he didn’t want our baby.”
“His kids sent me off with a big f**k you, saying my son would never be part of the family, and they were right.”
The OP’s ex’s latest girlfriend reached out.
“Someone must have mentioned me to the new girlfriend. Because she reached out and asked me to be honest about why we broke up and why he wasn’t involved.”
“I told her my story and what had happened.”
“She confessed to me that his kids would taunt her, even the one who was in college, and that they made her know she would never be accepted or wanted.”
“They said he, their dad, was pressured to be with her.”
The ex’s family lashed out.
“After talking to her, some of his family found me on FB and told me it was not my place to tell her anything.”
“They said I ruined their relationship because she left him.”
“They said I should leave them alone since they leave me and my son alone.”
“Are they right?”
“Am I in the wrong here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was NTA because she simply answered a question honestly.
“NTA. They treated you like crap and they were already starting to treat the new GF badly, and SHE reached out to you because she suspected something was fishy, and you only answered her questions.”
“She made her own decision and dumped him and you’re under no obligation to lie to make the guy and his family look good, much less after the way they treated you.” – Tough_Stretch
“NTA. She asked you a question and you answered truthfully. The AH’s here are your ex, his kids, and his family. Particularly your ex because he keeps on dating when he’s really not over his first wife.” – tacwombat
“NTA. She asked, you answered.”
“And who are they to be on some high horse while they traumatized others?”
“And who are they to say the deceased wife was a Saint, when they themselves, all of them, are monsters. Did this saintly woman really raise cruel little children to torment others? And the rest of the inlaws, hold her in such high regard, but reflect none of that in themselves?”
“If she is the perfect person they paint her to be, the wife is rolling in her grave at what they have all become.” – OverRipe-Cucumber
Others agreed but also commended the OP for helping the new girlfriend out.
“She reached out and asked. And you were honest and probably saved her a headache.” – disindiantho
“You are so NTA here. Thank you for saving that girl the mental torture of trying to do enough for 3 years before finally giving up and being all messed up for her next relationship.” – capresesalad1985
“NTA. You didn’t seek her out, she came to you. It sounds like she already had her suspicions and even if she didn’t talk to you, she may have come to that conclusion on her own (though you may have saved her some heartache).”
“Congrats on getting out of that toxic relationship and good on you for watching out for new (now ex) girlfriend.” – ElectronicAd8844
Some were appalled that someone could treat other people this way.
“NTA, and if they didn’t want their bad actions out there they should have acted like decent human beings – but really the blame lies with their father for not getting everyone grief counseling and establishing boundaries with his kids in your relationship.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you and your child, OP.” – MissionRevolution306
“This part is extraordinary: ‘They said I should leave them alone since they leave me and my son alone.'”
“Their thinking is wack: Is the fact that your son’s bio-father has abandoned him is seen as a positive? Or are they expecting you to be thankful that the family isn’t having opportunities to openly abuse you and your son?” – GrWr44
“NTA. The girlfriend reached out to you, not you to her, and asked. You just told her your experience, which matched hers. Good for her for breaking it off.”
“But this: ‘When I became pregnant, he revealed to me he never loved or had wanted to be with me let alone marry me.'”
“What the f**k is wrong with your ex and his family? Are they all sadists who love jerking women’s feelings around?”
“They’re upset the ex-girlfriend broke it off because they lost their new victim to play with? Staying in that family would not have done your son any favors. What a rotten example they set.” – Grounded55
While the OP thought she might have spoken out of turn because of how her ex’s family ridiculed her, the subReddit believed she did the right thing.
The girlfriend approached her, not the other way around, and especially in situations like this where abuse, discontent, and romantic neglect are distinct possibilities, honesty is the best policy.