In the United States, it’s true that acquiring an education is more expensive than ever, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to acquire a good-paying job without an advanced education.
That being said, we also have to be mindful of how much we spend on that education, or there will be no hope of paying it off in the long run, advised the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor KeyboardCommando999 worked in Finance and wanted to be mindful of his spending and debts, so when he found out how much debt his girlfriend had in student loans, he was shocked.
But when she also wasn’t very concerned about how she’d pay her student loans off and expected him to help her with them, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure it was the right relationship for him anymore.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for not wanting to pay off the 250K of debt my girlfriend has in student loans?”
The OP recently found out his girlfriend had a lot of debt to pay off.
“I (26 Male) have been dating my girlfriend for three years.”
“I just found out she has 250k in student loans. In six months, her payments are going to start, and realistically, they are going to be around 2,800 dollars per month. She went to Drexel, which costs between 70K and 80K per academic year.”
“She has a Bachelor’s degree in Education and ideally wants to become a Middle School History teacher. Realistically, salary-wise, she would be making around 50K per year.”
“She was working in Starbucks for a bit but quit because ‘it was too much to manage school and work at the same time.’ She is in the process of looking for a job.”
“I work in Finance and currently make 100K per year.”
The OP weighed the pros and cons to decide whether to stay in the relationship or not.
“Objectively, she is an extremely attractive woman but displays no motivation to pay off her loans.”
“I’ve asked her about it a few times before, but she brushes it off like it’s no big deal and displays no motivation to pay it off. She says that it’s ‘our debt’ and that we’ll address it at a later date.”
“After considering all the facts, I decided the headache and expense would not be worth it. I think this is a lesson of life you can’t always skate by on your looks alone.”
“To make a long story short, I dumped her.”
“It’s like I’m above ground now, and she’s 400 feet down a mineshaft, and she wants me to jump in with her and get us both out while she sits and watches me dig.”
“Fundamentally, I can’t deal with that kind of dead weight in a relationship and think that ideally your significant other should be there to build you up, not bring you down.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
First of all, some didn’t understand how the girlfriend spent so much on a Bachelor’s degree.
“$250k in debt for a Bachelor’s degree is insanity. That’s all I have to say about that.” – draznaccataro
“This makes no sense. No Bachelor’s degree costs that much!” – AdvertisingFree8749
“She clearly didn’t think this through at all. Spending $80k per year for four years with aspirations of getting a career that pays $50k per year? She’ll be in debt for the rest of her life.”
“Do not marry this girl. She may have a college degree, but she’s not smart, and she’ll drag you down with her.” – Lissypooh628
“I was just thinking how my husband racked up 180k+ in student loan debt on a bachelor’s… he also went to Drexel. He graduated like 16 years ago BUT he got a Computer Science degree.”
“We’re still paying, we’re close, down to the low-interest stuff, but it’ll be paid off in about five years when he’s 45. It’s one of the things in life he regrets the most. We’re doing really well now, but it was hard to get here.”
“She doesn’t sound like she has a plan at all; she actually may be able to get some loan repayment through working in schools for X years. But she totally f**ked herself financially.” – Anita_Doobie
“NTA. 250k is a ridiculous amount – especially to become a teacher. I am sure she had options to go to a cheaper college or otherwise save money. It just seems very irresponsible.”
“I would question having a relationship with someone with this much debt (especially debt that she chose to take – versus something like medical debt.). I may stay in a relationship, but I wouldn’t marry them unless they had a solid, reasonably plan to pay off (to be fiscally responsible).” – CeeceeATL
“250k to become a teacher is quite possibly the dumbest thing she can do. Please, please, tell her to explore other options. She will be in debt her entire life unless you step in, which you absolutely should NOT do.” – Hiitmetodd
“How did she accrue that much debt only to obtain a Bachelor’s in Education? That just sounds asinine… I was expecting you to tell me she was a doctor now… But uhhhh, that was foolish on her end.” – mps0608
“Uh… wait? Did you just ACTUALLY type that a person has $250,000 in student loan debt… for a bachelor’s degree… in Education?”
“Listen… THIS IS EXACTLY why student loans should not be forgiven. That is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. My wife and I both have bachelor’s degrees, and I have a Master ‘s, and all three degrees didn’t even cost that much. what the fuck!?” – FctFndr
“Going to a private college, taking 5 years to graduate, and borrowing money to live off of in addition to tuition payments. She sounds the type of kid who believes college is for ‘the experience’ instead of an investment in your future with a calculated return on investment… with only concern about finding a guy who can pay the loans off for her.” – FrankParkerNSA
Others agreed with the OP about ending the relationship before marriage.
“Do not marry her. If she has no concern about her financial situation and no concern about her debt, you shouldn’t be making that your concern.” – Greedy-Win-4880
“Bail man, just bail. Absolutely, do not get married. 250k in debt is a deal breaker to me. Sounds like a gold digger looking for a sucker in finance.” – CABJ_Riquelme
“‘Our debt’? And she’s only a girlfriend? You dodged a bullet, my friend. NTA.” – CalmTrifle
“Imagine if he married her and was paying 2800 dollars per month for student loans. She would be demanding a house and vacations and private schools for the kids and wondering why there is no money. Yeesh. NTA, OP.” – Rae_1988
“NTA. She was looking for a magic wand to erase her mistakes. YOU were that wand. $250k loan to make $50k per year? That’s just dumb.” – PatentlyRidiculous
“NTA. She’s not trustworthy, and you don’t have the same ideas about how to manage money. That’s more than enough reason to discontinue a relationship.”
“1. She incurred $250K debt to become a teacher?!”
“2. She kept that debt secret for almost three years.”
“3. She shows no concern about paying it off, because she considers it y’all’s debt, not hers alone, and you’re not even married.” – GAB104
“Walk away now… now. It is not ‘our debt.’ It is HER debt.”
“And after you have helped her payoff ‘our debt,’ she will probably find a new boyfriend. A guy who would have told her to f**k off before helping her. I have friends who have lived this dream…” – TouristImpressive838
“She saw you as a potential ATM. You did well in dumping her. Also do NOT hook up with her again, unless you want a baby-trap situation. NTA.” – NotUrSaviour
“Money is not the issue here. It’s the brainlessness that led to the situation. And the fact that she never told you about this before as she was accruing the debt each semester. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew exactly what she was doing and just expected you to bail her out in the end.”
“If it was reversed, I would also not accept to marry a nitwit with 250k in her bank account.” – Upset-Opportunity341
“NTA. A 250k student loan debt with no clear plan for how it’s going to be handled is a huge problem, especially if she’s brushing it off like it’s no big deal.”
“You’re dating someone who doesn’t seem to be taking responsibility for her future, and that’s a big red flag. If she’s not motivated to fix this, she will just put the entire burden on you. I’m glad you ran.” – TheAbouth
Not only was the subReddit shocked that the OP’s ex-girlfriend was able to accrue that much debt during a four-year Bachelor’s degree program for a future job in Education, but then she had the gall to say that her debt was her boyfriend’s, not fiancé’s or husband’s, responsibility, too.
“Educated” does not necessarily equate with intelligence or common sense; she should have spent a little money on a class or two in Financial Management.