In the United States, it's true that acquiring an education is more expensive than ever, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to acquire a good-paying job without an advanced education.
That being said, we also have to be mindful of how much we spend on that education, or there will be no hope of paying it off in the long run, advised the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor KeyboardCommando999 worked in Finance and wanted to be mindful of his spending and debts, so when he found out how much debt his girlfriend had in student loans, he was shocked.
But when she also wasn't very concerned about how she'd pay her student loans off and expected him to help her with them, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure it was the right relationship for him anymore.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for not wanting to pay off the 250K of debt my girlfriend has in student loans?"
The OP recently found out his girlfriend had a lot of debt to pay off.
"I (26 Male) have been dating my girlfriend for three years."
"I just found out she has 250k in student loans. In six months, her payments are going to start, and realistically, they are going to be around 2,800 dollars per month. She went to Drexel, which costs between 70K and 80K per academic year."
"She has a Bachelor's degree in Education and ideally wants to become a Middle School History teacher. Realistically, salary-wise, she would be making around 50K per year."
"She was working in Starbucks for a bit but quit because 'it was too much to manage school and work at the same time.' She is in the process of looking for a job."
"I work in Finance and currently make 100K per year."
The OP weighed the pros and cons to decide whether to stay in the relationship or not.
"Objectively, she is an extremely attractive woman but displays no motivation to pay off her loans."
"I've asked her about it a few times before, but she brushes it off like it's no big deal and displays no motivation to pay it off. She says that it's 'our debt' and that we'll address it at a later date."
"After considering all the facts, I decided the headache and expense would not be worth it. I think this is a lesson of life you can't always skate by on your looks alone."
"To make a long story short, I dumped her."
"It's like I'm above ground now, and she's 400 feet down a mineshaft, and she wants me to jump in with her and get us both out while she sits and watches me dig."
"Fundamentally, I can't deal with that kind of dead weight in a relationship and think that ideally your significant other should be there to build you up, not bring you down."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
First of all, some didn't understand how the girlfriend spent so much on a Bachelor's degree.
"$250k in debt for a Bachelor's degree is insanity. That's all I have to say about that." - draznaccataro
"This makes no sense. No Bachelor's degree costs that much!" - AdvertisingFree8749
"She clearly didn't think this through at all. Spending $80k per year for four years with aspirations of getting a career that pays $50k per year? She'll be in debt for the rest of her life."
"Do not marry this girl. She may have a college degree, but she's not smart, and she'll drag you down with her." - Lissypooh628
"I was just thinking how my husband racked up 180k+ in student loan debt on a bachelor's… he also went to Drexel. He graduated like 16 years ago BUT he got a Computer Science degree."
"We're still paying, we're close, down to the low-interest stuff, but it'll be paid off in about five years when he's 45. It's one of the things in life he regrets the most. We're doing really well now, but it was hard to get here."
"She doesn't sound like she has a plan at all; she actually may be able to get some loan repayment through working in schools for X years. But she totally f**ked herself financially." - Anita_Doobie
"NTA. 250k is a ridiculous amount - especially to become a teacher. I am sure she had options to go to a cheaper college or otherwise save money. It just seems very irresponsible."
"I would question having a relationship with someone with this much debt (especially debt that she chose to take - versus something like medical debt.). I may stay in a relationship, but I wouldn't marry them unless they had a solid, reasonably plan to pay off (to be fiscally responsible)." - CeeceeATL
"250k to become a teacher is quite possibly the dumbest thing she can do. Please, please, tell her to explore other options. She will be in debt her entire life unless you step in, which you absolutely should NOT do." - Hiitmetodd
"How did she accrue that much debt only to obtain a Bachelor's in Education? That just sounds asinine… I was expecting you to tell me she was a doctor now… But uhhhh, that was foolish on her end." - mps0608
"Uh... wait? Did you just ACTUALLY type that a person has $250,000 in student loan debt... for a bachelor's degree... in Education?"
"Listen... THIS IS EXACTLY why student loans should not be forgiven. That is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. My wife and I both have bachelor's degrees, and I have a Master 's, and all three degrees didn't even cost that much. what the fuck!?" - FctFndr
"Going to a private college, taking 5 years to graduate, and borrowing money to live off of in addition to tuition payments. She sounds the type of kid who believes college is for 'the experience' instead of an investment in your future with a calculated return on investment... with only concern about finding a guy who can pay the loans off for her." - FrankParkerNSA
Others agreed with the OP about ending the relationship before marriage.
"Do not marry her. If she has no concern about her financial situation and no concern about her debt, you shouldn't be making that your concern." - Greedy-Win-4880
"Bail man, just bail. Absolutely, do not get married. 250k in debt is a deal breaker to me. Sounds like a gold digger looking for a sucker in finance." - CABJ_Riquelme
"'Our debt'? And she's only a girlfriend? You dodged a bullet, my friend. NTA." - CalmTrifle
"Imagine if he married her and was paying 2800 dollars per month for student loans. She would be demanding a house and vacations and private schools for the kids and wondering why there is no money. Yeesh. NTA, OP." - Rae_1988
"NTA. She was looking for a magic wand to erase her mistakes. YOU were that wand. $250k loan to make $50k per year? That's just dumb." - PatentlyRidiculous
"NTA. She's not trustworthy, and you don't have the same ideas about how to manage money. That's more than enough reason to discontinue a relationship."
"1. She incurred $250K debt to become a teacher?!"
"2. She kept that debt secret for almost three years."
"3. She shows no concern about paying it off, because she considers it y'all's debt, not hers alone, and you're not even married." - GAB104
"Walk away now... now. It is not 'our debt.' It is HER debt."
"And after you have helped her payoff 'our debt,' she will probably find a new boyfriend. A guy who would have told her to f**k off before helping her. I have friends who have lived this dream..." - TouristImpressive838
"She saw you as a potential ATM. You did well in dumping her. Also do NOT hook up with her again, unless you want a baby-trap situation. NTA." - NotUrSaviour
"Money is not the issue here. It's the brainlessness that led to the situation. And the fact that she never told you about this before as she was accruing the debt each semester. I wouldn't be surprised if she knew exactly what she was doing and just expected you to bail her out in the end."
"If it was reversed, I would also not accept to marry a nitwit with 250k in her bank account." - Upset-Opportunity341
"NTA. A 250k student loan debt with no clear plan for how it's going to be handled is a huge problem, especially if she's brushing it off like it's no big deal."
"You're dating someone who doesn't seem to be taking responsibility for her future, and that's a big red flag. If she's not motivated to fix this, she will just put the entire burden on you. I'm glad you ran." - TheAbouth
Not only was the subReddit shocked that the OP's ex-girlfriend was able to accrue that much debt during a four-year Bachelor's degree program for a future job in Education, but then she had the gall to say that her debt was her boyfriend's, not fiancé's or husband's, responsibility, too.
"Educated" does not necessarily equate with intelligence or common sense; she should have spent a little money on a class or two in Financial Management.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.