The beginning of a relationship is an exciting phase that is full of discoveries as couples become more intimately acquainted.
However, those discoveries can either bring love birds closer together or leave them running in the opposite direction.
A guy who had been dating someone for eight months recently got to know his girlfriend really well, and it caused him to take "paws."
Not knowing how to feel about her after a certain revelation, Redditor ThrowRA20202004 went to Reddit's Relationship Advice subReddit to ask about a possible incompatibility issue.
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"My (24 M[ale]) girlfriend (26 F[emale]) fully believes that she is a cat in a human's body."
He elaborated:
"gf [girlfriend] now thinks she is an otherkin, a cat in a human's body and refuses to see anything wrong with the situation. The echo chamber she is in now has done nothing but enable her and I don't know what to do."
The OP also informed Redditors that he had no intention of offending anyone with his genuine concern.
"I know people are going to think I'm either trolling or baiting but please read before you comment + this post has nothing to do with gender or trans issues and I am in no way intending to be offensive or anything."
"So Gf and I have been together for nearly 8 months, and she's always been a very quirky and nerdy person: does cosplays, very into anime and roleplaying, etc... Nothing too weird."
"We've been kinda distant lately with everything going on and me being an essential worker so haven't seen each other and only talk for half an hour a day."
"Well, last tuesday we got to hang out at her place and she wore cat ears a and a belt with a tail the entire time."
"At first I thought it was either going to be a sex surprise or her testing a new cosplay, but nope, she sat me down, asked me if I really do love her, then hit me with a very long monologue that essentially summed up to 'I'm a cat in a human body'."
"Wish I was joking."
"I thought I misunderstood and then believed that maybe it was a weird joke but she kept being serious about it, and doubling down. I left shortly after because I had a shift at work, and I still believed it was an oddly drawn out joke nothing more."
"She ended up texting me with resources to help me understand, which is when I realized that she really is serious. Apparently she believes she is an otherkin: a person who holds the belief that they are not human."
"She says she was introduced to this by one of her friends months ago and has since joined discords and communities of others like her."
"Her friend believes he is a demon trapped in a human body, and she sent me a testimonial that was supposed to be touching but its basically just about a dude thinking he is naruto."
"I'm not joking."
"She explained her otherkin type as being a cat, and now she 100% thinks she is a cat. How did she know she was a cat you ask?"
"According to her: sleeping a lot, liking the sun, hating water, feeling more comfortable crawling on all fours, and claiming to understand what cats are saying and being able to talk to them through meowing."
"She has also apparently been distant with nearly everybody we know [in real life] as I got multiple messages asking me to let her know to be in touch with them."
The girlfriend's personal awakening adversely began affecting her social life.
"My head has been spiraling this past week, I keep thinking its a joke but nope she is deathly serious about this and has handed in her two weeks resignation at her job because cats don't work."
"Again, I wish I was joking. I've been limiting my interactions with her ever since, because this is hurting my head a whole lot and I just can't cope."
"She has also surrounded herself with a large amount of yes men and women who support her 100% and are enabling this, some even encouraging her to make a patreon and make otherkin content that they would contribute to, which she brought up when I asked her about quitting her job."
"To make things worse, I can't discuss this with anyone in real life because I know how crazy it sounds and I know that leaving her is a valid option but I'm in love with this woman and now I don't recognize her and I know that there is something very very wrong and I can't reach out to her and she refuses to hear anything from me unless it is unconditional support."
"What the f'k do i do ?"
Redditors were quick to notice that—by the girlfriend claiming she "talked" to other cats through meowing—she was not a cat, since adult domesticated housecats meow exclusively with humans as a form of communication.
Adult feral housecats use a language of chirps and trills, something a cat should know.
"That's definitely the biggest hole in her story." – dagonesque
"Wait if that's how she communicates with cats.....That would mean dundundun she's a human!!! OP let her know immediately!!" – gibbardsexual
"Probably heavily researched cat otherkins, but never researched actual cats." – OpeningFox5
Many Redditors either balked at her new identity or had genuine concerns for the girlfriend's mental health.
"There it is, full confirmation that she isn't a cat."
"Cats meow for humans. Cats meow at her. She is a human."
"If this post is true, I severely overestimated human intelligence. The level of cringe is astonishing. OP, your girlfriend is a laughing stock."
"I find it impossible to believe, because I'm a rational person. I can't wrap my head around how somebody could believe that they can convince somebody they're a cat."
"She doesn't believe that she is a cat, she thinks that people will think she's cool for being different. She thinks she can convince others that she's a cat, because of her echo chamber." – poop-machines
"I don't think it's an intelligence thing, I definitely think it's a mental thing and OP is kind for wanting to stay in contact to make sure she doesn't have a mental break."
"I haven't done any research into otherkin, but in the Netflix show 'Glow' there is a character who identifies as a wolf in a very similar manner."
"The way I saw it, her wolf persona created a safe place for her and allowed her to explore the world in a way that she felt secure, like putting on a set of armor."
"I know it's just a fictional show, but it sounds similar to OP's now-ex. Maybe something happened to her? But the echo chamber definitely doesn't help." – DianeForTheNguyen
"I'm thinking from a psychological standpoint, would this be considered a sort of depersonalization? Severe anxiety and traumatic experiences are the main causes of depersonalization."
"If you decide to stick this out, which is of course up to you, somehow she'll need to deal with the source of her mental issues to reintegrate her psyche, likely with your help." – mykittyhitsme
As an ultimatum, Redditor darthvadercake suggested for the OP to see how long she can "walk the walk" to determine if the relationship is over.
"I would probably go one of two ways:"
"Treat her like a cat. A real cat. Like she claims she is. So no more dinners, she can eat catfood from a tin."
"No more sex (cats don't have sex with humans) no more sleeping in a bed, no more using the toilet or shower. She can clean herself - like cats do - and sh*t in a cat litter."
"See how long she lasts in her identity until she truly gets fed up with all of it."
"Point out to her that cats and humans can't have sexual or romantic relationships and as such you can't stay together."
Another Redditor informed darthvadercake that forcing the girlfriend to such an extreme—where she is denied sanitation and food—is abuse.
darthvadercake responded, "That is fair feedback" and clarified their earlier suggestion.
"Just to add a bit more nuance, I didn't necessarily mean you would physically stop or threaten her with those things. Just providing criticism when she does."
"So not 'you're not allowed to shower' more like 'you took a shower? That doesn't seem very catlike. Why aren't you cleaning yourself like cats do?'"
"There's probably a line between 'testing' her commitment and allowing her to see how insane 'cat life' truly would be, and letting delusions go on for an extended period of time."
"If after 3-4 days of pointing out hypocrisies and subjecting her to what cats really would do, she is actually becoming more cat like and going along with those rules, that would be 100% the time to get her help from a medical professional."
The overwhelmed OP updated his post and said he was expecting a lot of the comments to claim that he was "crazy."
After thanking people who commented, he addressed a few things.
"Her and I have been friends for 2+ years prior to dating, so that is why I am reluctant to just up and leave."
"I've read a comment asking if she has a history of mental illness, and not to my knowledge? Aside from her being diagnosed with mild social anxiety in high school."
"I am going to try and reach out to her mom to get her to check up on her, and maybe even visit. They have a good relationship, so maybe that will help."
"Yesterday was the first time I truly confronted what was going on, as I have been kind of shelving it and just praying and hoping it was some kind of drawn out joke."
"But now that I've had time to truly ponder it, I think it has been a long time coming."
"She's been buying a lot of cat memorabilia and a lot of her cosplays are cat related, and when I brought up the possibility of me getting a cat in the near future she made a joke about being too territorial for a cat, and now that I think about it...well, yeah."
"I don't know who demon man really is, all I know is that he has been part of her virtual DnD group since last year."
"Also so far no litterbox in the picture, sorry to disappoint/relieve some of you. When I asked her about her plans as a 'cat' other than quitting her job, she had sent me her to do list which I didn't bother opening or reading until yesterday because I was too busy wishing all of this was a fever dream."
"The To do list includes purchasing a scratch post for her nails, switching to a carnivore diet, and dying her hair red because she is a ginger cat. Yup."
"As much as it hurts, I have no intention to continue to be in a romantic relationship with her because she will absolutely not hear anything if it's not 100% support."
"I love her, but I love myself and I don't want to be dragged down to something like this especially when it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall."
"I will however try to remain in contact with her just to make sure she's not spiraling towards a mental break. I will visit her today to have a talk and officially break it off even though she's been refusing to see me unless I am completely on board, I will update if anything interesting happens."
"Then I will buy a couple of bottles of alcohol and down them in my flat, no judgement."
The OP returned to provide an update to which one Redditor responded:
"Sounds like you ended it in a respectable way, even going as far as to let people in her inner circle know somethings up with her so that they can follow up on how she's managing." ~ 3spoopy_5me
Other responses also mentioned OP notified her friends and family after ending the relationship.
But OP's update was deleted by the subReddit admins for:
"This meets all the criteria for a creative writing exercise." ~ QueenAnneBoleynTudor
...leaving people to ponder, was there a real situation or was the OP just doing a little pandemic storytelling?
This character seems vaguely familiar...
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.