When a significant other takes the time to make arrangements for your birthday, you should be thankful, right?
Redditor throwaway8575466 struggled to express his gratitude after his girlfriend planned his birthday festivities meant to treat him “like a king.”
When he felt like he didn’t receive the royal treatment, he spoke up.
It didn’t end well.
He visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for wanting to leave the theater after my gf insisted on watching her favorite movie on my birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“A while ago my girlfriend informed me I should take the day off on my birthday because she was planning on returning the favor by treating me like a king.”
“She started the day by making my favorite breakfast and giving a massage. Everything that we did afterwards were activites that she exclusively enjoyed doing.”
“We went to the Zoo for a few hours and afterwards went to her favorite restaurant. I tried most stuff on their menu before which I didn’t like so I just ordered a burger that tasted like it was made before COVID.”
“Then we went bowling which I absolutely do not enjoy but still I tolerated it. She ended the day by taking me to the theater, when I found out that we were going to watch her favorite movie.”
“I asked her if we could watch another one but she refused. I thanked her and told her that I appreciated all she did throughout the day and also taking the day off from her job but it just felt like she ignored the stuff that I liked or at least the ones that we both enjoyed and focused more on doing the stuff she exclusively enjoyed.”
“She told me I can leave or do whatever the hell I want since I was the birthday boy and sarcastically apologized for trying to be a good girlfriend who wanted to spoil her boyfriend. She said that she was feeling tired and was going back home.”
“When we reached our place she went directly to the bedroom and closed it. This morning I tried apologizing but she just ignored me and left for work.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA. She made your birthday all about her then got all pissy and ruined everything even more when you made one request to watch a different movie. She sounds like a sh**ty girlfriend.”
“You have nothing to apologize for! Do not apologize! Do you often find yourself apologizing for ‘making her upset’ after you’ve expressed something that is upsetting you? That’s a manipulation tactic (‘You aren’t allowed to be upset because actually I’M upset!’ Look up DARVO on google)”
“Edit – also happy birthday! I’m sorry it went kinda sh**ty and hoping you can celebrate better with some friends and family!” – MadoogsL
“‘Treat you like a king’ I guess she is one of those queens that rule the kingdom alone and the king is just a decoration for the throne. That she behaved as she was the victim abd manipulated him enough that he even apologized and feels sorry for wanting to enjoy his birthday… What an awful woman.”
“And i don’t think that this was the first time she behaved so selfish. He should think back how iften it was me, me, Me and if it is typical that she manipulate him. He needs to run. NTA”
“Happy birthday, OP!” – EvilFinch
“NTA- she has a strange idea of how people celebrate things. You should be doing things you enjoy or at least get some say in it. Makes me wonder if she actually knows what you enjoy doing.” – shadow-foxe
“NTA. She said she wanted to treat you like a king, but in truth, she wanted to treat herself under the guise of treating you. She took you to the things SHE wanted to do, instead of asking you what you wanted to do. She’s the AH in this case.” – ChapSteve711
“NTA. She absolutely did not ‘treat you like a king’ for your birthday. She wanted to do what she wanted to do, plus get credit for treating you.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. She’s trying to train you to take what ever she gives and be grateful and not make drama. Apologize only if this is how you want the rest of your life to be.” – 1962Michael
“NTA. You probably could’ve spoken up sooner, but I don’t think it would have helped: your girlfriend seems to think that ‘spoil’ means ‘show off how much time and money I’m willing to spend on someone without taking into account whether they actually want me doing that.’”
“If she’s not willing to apologize and talk to you about what you’d really like, or at least ways to avoid miscommunication in future, I’d think long and hard about whether you really want this relationship to last another birthday.” – mm172
“NTA. Is her idea of treating you like a king, that you don’t have to pay for the stuff she wants to do??”
“In what world is her forcing you (and then getting mad) to do things she likes treating you like a king?? I’d say return the favor, next time her birthday, plan a day of things YOU wanna do. Sure that’s petty but yeah.” – zZombi__
“Happy belated birthday, even though the previous events weren’t so cheery.”
“NTA. You have no need to apologize to her for that. From what you wrote, you were kind enough to see how it played out. Then you put the brakes on when it was clearly too much to take in. Her being defensive doesn’t bode well for her case.”
“For some context, does she do things like this often? It sounds very weird for her to have usurped you on your big day whether or not she likes having the attention. Even so, this was not okay.” – CoyKouchou55
“Nta. Why are you apologizing? She is manipulating you so that instead of focusing on her selfishness, you now feel as if you were being selfish by wanting your bday to be something you enjoy and not just an excuse for her to be escorted to all her favorite things.”
“Ridiculous that she first used you, and ignored your wishes but then lashed out at you when you tried to stand up for yourself and now has you feeling like you need to apologize for being ‘ungrateful’.. Makes me wonder in what other ways this behavior and belief shows up in your relationship.” – n0_us3rnam3_
“First off, Happy Belated Birthday! And sorry that it wasn’t what you wanted.”
“You are NTA by any means. While it’s obvious you love your girlfriend, I’d be questioning your relationship from the way she’s acting. Assuming you two have been together for a good bit (since you live together), she should know what activities you like and dislike. I’d say the fact that she was rude and planned everything you don’t like doing and got pissed about the one thing you asked to do differently, is a sign that she doesn’t care as much about you as you do for her.”
“You have no reason to apologize to her for anything. She chose to act this way. She’s also being very manipulative by making you feel like you ruined your birthday outing. You need to thing long and hard about if you really see yourself dealing with this behavior in the future.” – QuietlyRemains
“Class act narcissist, made your birthday about her and treating herself under the guise that it was all for you, now that you’ve spoken up about it she’s going to act hurt and have you jump through several rings on fire for her being upset that you rightfully called her out. Get out now this is your wakeup call.”
“Edit *NTA*” – Medium_Sleep9524
“NTA”
“I absolutely believe that she really thought that since she likes doing those things, and you tolerate them, you like doing them too.”
“But either way she is 100% in the wrong and you shouldn’t apologize. Even if she thought you were enjoying yourself she should have realized and changed the script when you asked to see a different movie. She has no empathy and needs to seriously grow up of you’re going to have a worthwhile relationship” – milapa6
“NTA. I’d think it’s not so much that she innocently assumed they shared the interests, but a more narcissistic expectation that the thing OP would enjoy most is watching her have fun.”
“There has to be more to this to really understand, like how long have they been together and how much of the time they spend together is spent on her interests compared to his, but I think it’s safe to say that she is less upset about him being ‘ungrateful’ and more upset about him ruining ‘her fun day.'” – TogarSucks
The OP clarified in edit:
“EDIT: for the people asking, we both know and talked before about the activities and stuff that we enjoy/tolerate/dislike doing.”
If the OP didn’t feel appreciated by his girlfriend on his birthday, he certainly felt the love on here as many Redditors empathized with him in his situation and backed him up.