“Curiosity killed the cat!”
It can also kill human beings, or at least cause an ulcer or two.
Everybody has their secrets.
Because everybody has a past.
And that can be a bitter pill to swallow in a relationship.
Some parts of people’s pasts are off-limits.
That fact can drive significant others to the brink of madness.
But it may have to be something one just deals with.
Pushing and pushing and pushing for answers can lead to unpleasant responses.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for keeping asking the girl I’m seeing about her name tattoo?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I’m (27 M[ale]) dating this girl (24 F[emale]) for about a month now, and the last time we got together I noticed she had a very small tattoo on the back of her neck.”
“I had never seen it before because it’s covered by her hair.”
“Now here’s the weirdest thing: she has MY NAME tattooed.”
“So obviously the first thing I thought was that she made a tattoo after me, which would be insane given we’re only going out for a few weeks and this is still a casual relationship.”
“But she told me that is not about me, it’s about someone else that has the same name, just a coincidence.”
“I looked closer and noticed the tattoo seemed old and faded, so it definitely wasn’t done recently.”
“Either way, I was obviously intrigued so I asked: ‘Is this someone in your family?'”
“And she just said: ‘No,’ and didn’t provide any additional information.”
“So it was clear she didn’t want to tell me who this person is or was, but now there’s suddenly this missing piece of information about her, and I simply can’t let this go.”
“So I kept asking her: ‘Was it a friend? Was it an ex?’ – until she lost her patience and told me it’s none of my business.”
“Also worth saying: she has no other tattoos besides this one, so it seems even more meaningful.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for keep pushing her to tell me who it was?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Stop when someone says stop.”
“She doesn’t need to tell you anything about her past.”
“The tattoo isn’t about you.”
“End of story. Let it go.” ~ HER_XLNC
“Given they have only been dating for a month and don’t even seem to be at the girlfriend/boyfriend stage, I agree.”
“However, if they keep dating, they will reach a point where she likely needs to give him a little more of an explanation.” ~ 0biterdicta
“If he can’t respect her boundaries now, I hope to hell they don’t get that far in.” ~ angel9_writes
“No respect for boundaries, and has no common sense/critical thinking skills.”
“She is 24 with an older faded tattoo of a guy’s name… it’s pretty obvious it’s an ex, she was young and dumb when she got it (probably barely 18), and it’s not something she is proud of.”
“The only other option is a person who she dated that died and she doesn’t like to discuss it.”
“In any case, YTA OP.”
“Learn to read the room.” ~ TheDudette840
“I have a tattoo of a man’s likeness on my lower back.”
“Once we reach the swimsuit stage of seeing each other (used to suggest swimming as an activity, once I found out this was a common problem with men thinking it has to about an ex) and if he insisted on jumping to the conclusion that this man’s likeness is an ex of mine.”
“I tell them it’s not and usually there’s a fair amount of disbelief, but buddy, I’m not going to tell you after knowing you for five weeks that it’s my brother, not related by blood, who was murdered in cold blood, by the ex of the girl he had just started dating.”
“It ain’t happening and I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Not to you, and generally not to anyone who didn’t lose him too.” ~ SakiraInSky
“Could be a relative or a friend or a joke.”
“Nothing on her body is his business unless she wishes to share that information. YTA OP.” ~ curious_astronauts
“I understand being curious, but as someone who once hooked up with someone who had the same name as my dead brother… don’t needle.”
“The answer can REALLY bring the room down.”
“It’s probably more awkward for her than for OP.”
“OP himself says they’ve only been dating a month and it’s pretty casual.”
“Her not being comfortable enough to talk about it with him yet is not unnatural.”
“You really should be able to share the story behind something you have permanently affixed to your body.”
“Absolutely not. Tattoos are not advertisements or for other people.”
“Mind your business, maybe.” ~ silverandshade
“While I definitely agree that OP = YTA (because he kept inquiring after realizing the girl clearly didn’t want to open up about this).”
“There’s one thing that came into my mind that I haven’t seen addressed here: how people behave in the early stages of a relationship.”
“In the very beginning of a relationship that we see as promising, we don’t usually have a full picture of who this other person is.”
“So while it’s completely up to this girl to share her full ‘backstory,’ I can see why OP may see the need for an explanation (and lack of) as relevant.”
“For instance: if you are someone who would never get a name tattoo yourself, unless it’s maybe to honor a family member, you ‘could’ see a name tattoo as a red flag while you’re trying to fill up the gaps on who this person is.”
“If it’s an ex: does this person have a tendency to overly commit to their relationships?”
“Does this person make impulsive decisions?”
“Is this a personality trait that I haven’t been exposed to?”
“If she was once THAT serious about this person, does it mean there are residual feelings?”
“And the same works the other way around: if you tattooed your ex’s name for whatever reason, and if you deeply regret it when the relationship was over, you can feel you’ll be judged for this decision.”
“In my opinion, they don’t know a lot about each other yet, they’re still tiptoeing around some things, and it can lead them to hang onto things that they feel are important to better understand each other.”
“OP, assuming the tattoo could refer to him because he has the same name shows how little he still knows about her ‘Is she the kind of person that throws herself into a relationship that quick?’
“So everything in those early stages can lead someone to reach certain conclusions, especially because they don’t really know each other.” ~ thenileindenial
“I once mentioned to a man I was seeing very casually that I switched careers for a while because I had some medical issues that are fine now.”
“He asked me what the issues were.”
“I said nothing contagious, and he still pressed what it was.”
“I was ruling out thyroid cancer and adjusting to meds for a thyroid disease.”
“Nothing crazy, but definitely not what I wanted to get into in that moment.”
“It was probably the biggest turn-off I’ve ever experienced, and she probably feels the same.”
“It’s just so rude.” ~ peacefulca
“He says he thought it was ‘insane’ that she got a tattoo about him (when he initially assumed that it was) because it’s a casual relationship and then proceeds to insist on getting an answer about her past despite it being a casual relationship.”
“YTA. People don’t have to explain their lives to you.”
“You aren’t even married or serious to owe each other such a thing.”
“When you’re given an evasive answer or a ‘no,’ accept the no and let it go.” ~ RinoTheBouncer
“OP is not entitled to knowing every bit of information about their significant other.”
“The entitlement they feel is crazy to me.” ~ WomanNotAGirl
“YTA. You are not entitled to any information about her past that she is not ready to provide.”
“This is true after years, never mind a relationship that can be counted in WEEKS.” ~ AdInteresting8032
“YTA. Not your business.”
“If she wants to tell you she will when she’s ready but stop pushing when she has clearly been closed off about it.”
“A name tattoo is so personal as well, it’s no wonder she doesn’t want to speak about it.” ~ tayIorswiftsbestie
“YTA… it isn’t any of your business and maybe it is a very painful memory and she doesn’t want to rehash it at this time.”
“Maybe it’s a story that would be told to someone whom she has dated for more than a month and has built up trust in.” ~ No-Abies-1232
“Exactly, no one’s mentioned it could be a painful memory like an ex or best friend who died young.”
“Why would you share something that’s painful to you with someone you’re barely seeing a month?”
“You don’t know a person in a month to be sharing any vulnerabilities with.”
“If it was a year or more in then I’d kinda get it.”
“YTA ’cause you kept pushing it when you knew she was uncomfortable and didn’t want to share.”
“If you end up really serious then you could ask again but until then mind your business.” ~ Historical-Ad-2182
Well, OP, Reddit is not with you.
Sometimes people will come around and open up sooner if they are given space.
You must have some secrets of your own you’re not ready to share yet.
It’s her body and her story.
Maybe let it go for now until she’s ready to discuss it with you.
If you keep pressing, you may never have a chance to find out.