Though we probably haven’t all dated one, we’ve likely all known someone who was a little too comfortable deciding how to spend someone else’s money.
Often, that’s because they couldn’t manage their own money, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor wirhm was proud of herself for paying off her student loans.
But when her boyfriend realized she had more spending money than him, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when he wanted to reevaluate their shared expenses.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not paying more rent so my boyfriend can have more spending money?”
The OP recently finished paying off her student loans.
“I’ve spent the last 3 years out of college paying off my student loans. Last month was my last payment, and in 3 years I’ve paid off 67k of student loans.”
“I’m super happy and finally able to buy what I want now.”
“I bought AirPods and makeup since everything I own is expired.”
“Most of my clothes are from high school, so I’m buying a professional wardrobe, too, and I’m buying a new mountain bike soon, too.”
Her boyfriend had an idea for her newfound financial freedom.
“My boyfriend and I make similar incomes (57k and 54k annually), so we split rent and utilities equally.”
“But now he wants me to pay more since I don’t have debt and he still does.”
“He has ~70k in student loans he hasn’t made a dent in, and he also has a 15k car loan, whereas I bought mine in cash.”
“So he is upset because most of his money is going into paying his car and student loans, but I can buy stuff now. But before I lived like a monk, and he was the one buying stuff.”
The OP didn’t feel it was her responsibility, though.
“He has a PS5 and a much nicer car than me, so I feel like he chose to pay for those things rather than pay off his loans… and now that I’m debt-free, he wants me to pay for him, so he can continue to have disposable income.”
“I told him it’s up to him to pay for the loans since I’m not benefiting from them, he is.”
“I also pointed out that we are making similar amounts of income, so there isn’t any reason to change how we split rent.”
“But he wants me to pay $300 more a month since that’s how much he pays towards his student loans, and he thinks it’s not fair that I no longer have to pay it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was not responsible for her boyfriend’s spending habits.
“You spent the last 3 years effectively managing your money, and you were quite successful. You were paying your loans (likely much higher than the required monthly payment) and still managing your equal share of rent and utilities.”
“Your boyfriend spent the last 3 years paying his loans, but spending unnecessarily and wracking up more debt for himself while paying his equal share. It is solely his responsibility to take care of his debt and learn how to be more responsible with his money. Don’t let him be irresponsible with your money too.”
“CONGRATULATIONS ON PAYING OFF YOUR LOANS!! That’s a HUGE feat!!” – Difficult-Bell-6924
“Boyfriend is like, ‘Oh, you paid your loans? Pay mine now.’ F**k off.”
“It would be one thing if he was really out here trying and OP wanted to help. But they make the same money. Have the same college debt.”
“OP wasn’t even buying makeup or clothes so she could get rid of her debt. Boyfriend is spending it like he’s actually got it. That in no way obligates OP to cover for him. Him being dumb with money is his problem.” – basilobs
“NTA. Same income = same bills, 50/50. Personal debt is that person’s responsibility.”
“If you pay 300 more, you are essentially paying his loans for him.” – Feeling-Brilliant-30
“Kudos to you, OP, for paying off your student loans. If he wants more spending money, he can get a part-time job to make up the difference. NTA.” – shopgirl2
“Why should you subsidize his friggin lifestyle!? You worked hard to pay off your own loans and made tough CHOICES, which didn’t include buying fancier things.”
“And now he feels entitled to YOUR money, and paying off HIS debt!? PFFT. NTA (but he sure is)!” – tangerinedreamery
“This is so important. OP needs to realize that the two of them are financially incompatible. This will put a strain on their relationship for as long as they are together.”
“I’d consider this to be at the same level as having kids/living kid-free.”
“Seriously, you need to reconsider the relationship. Anyone who says it’s ‘not fair’ that you have more money after seeing you sacrifice has significant maturity issues.” – LadyLightTravel
“WOW, this is as entitled as it gets. You did your time and devoted yourself to paying your loans while denying yourself the wants and needs to get there. He opted for wants and needs over paying his debt down faster. It’s his fault his money is spoken for.”
“Enjoy your financial freedom and tell him to pound sand.” – RoxasofsorrowXIII
“NTA. You made a financially strategic decision to pay off those loans. He made the opposite choice. He is jealous of your results and wants you to subsidize his life.”
“If you do, you’ll always regret it, because he will learn nothing! When the shoe was on the other foot and you were paying off your loans, he didn’t offer any help. You should offer him the same financial support he offered you.” – Snoo-74562
Others urged the OP to be really careful with her money or to leave the relationship.
“Stand firm in your boundaries. It is absolutely ‘fair’ that you don’t have to pay additional money because you’ve spent years paying off your debts.”
“He didn’t pay additional rent when you were paying off your loans. He spent his money on toys. You have absolutely no obligation to bankroll his spending habits.”
“NTA, but are you sure you want to be in this relationship?” – BananicattheDisco
“You know that saying: If you give someone a fish, they’ll eat for a day. But if you teach them how to fish, they’ll eat for a lifetime?”
“Well, your boyfriend watched you struggle for years through ‘learning how to fish,’ and once you finally achieved it, what was his reaction?”
“Was it ‘I’m so proud of you?’ or ‘Could you teach me how to fish, too?’ Nope. It was, ‘I’m forbidding you to stop fishing, and now you have to give all your fish to ME.'”
“Yeah, no. HE is not entitled to claim the rewards of YOUR sacrifice. And it’s pretty insulting and hypocritical that he’s over there demanding you sacrifice for him when he won’t even do the same for himself.”
“If your boyfriend doesn’t get an attitude adjustment, and pronto, you might want to ‘throw him back.'” – PARA9535307
“Besides the big NO to paying $300 more a month, be on the lookout for the mooching. ‘I forgot my wallet,’ ”I’ll pay the next one,’ ‘You never pay for anything, etc.”
“He feels insanely entitled to your money and he’s going to try for it any way he can.” – Apprehensive-Title-38
“NTA. DO NOT BUDGE. You agreed to split the rent, and he doesn’t get to change the terms because you were more responsible. He wants more money, he can get a better job.”
“Die on this hill. Like he agrees or he can pay 100% of his rent because you’re not living there anymore.” – TaliesinWI
“I feel like she needs to move out. They can then run their households according to their own financial priorities. And if he can’t afford his lifestyle, that’s his problem to fix.”
“She’s not a breadwinner or his debt-repayment scheme. NTA.” – lschmeiser
“In case you need to hear it again, NTA and be very careful of this guy. It makes absolutely no sense that you’d be paying more and that he is miffed you get to spend your own money now.” – worldwearypumpkin
“Be very wary. It’s not just that you have different financial attitudes towards debt, it’s that his reaction to you being financially forward-thinking is only about his benefit and not perhaps changing his behavior to be in a similar situation.”
“I wouldn’t ever combine finances with this guy unless his spending habits change dramatically. NTA.” – haleorshine
The subReddit was as surprised by the boyfriend’s reaction to the OP’s success and commitment to paying off her debt as she was.
But they urged her to reconsider any thought she’d had about possibly helping her boyfriend pay off his student loans, especially given his spending history.
If he really wanted to pay off his debt, he could always turn to her for advice on how to get started and stick with it. Being able to pay off a massive student loan in three years suggests that she might know what she’s doing.