They say opposites attract.
But for some couples, there are some things on which they disagree to such an extent it simply makes their relationship untenable.
This can be on fairly serious things such as religious beliefs to relatively minor things, such as taste in food or style.
Redditor Dingoatemycat69420 found himself surprised when his girlfriend threatened to break up with him due to a choice he made regarding his outward appearance.
His girlfriend's threat having given him second thoughts about his decision, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for getting a tattoo without my girlfriends permission?"
The OP first filled readers in about where he and his girlfriend both are in their young lives, and how he wanted to celebrate his recent accomplishments.
"For context I am 19 in college and she is 18 in high school going to college an hour away from me next year."
"My first semester I went through a lot of crap to get where I am and I am incredibly proud of my work."
"So with parental permission, I got a peacock on my ankle."
"No big deal, I was assuming."
As it turned out, it wasn't his parents whom the OP should have asked for permission.
"Turns out it's a big deal, and now my girlfriend is threatening to break up with me."
"She is mad saying how my style was already garbage and how she has waited for me to fix it and I never did and I told her I was willing to work with her to help that."
"Then she finds out about this tattoo and now says she's threatening to break up with me."
"She sent the tattoo to her whole family and they have all sent the pic to me saying how gross and bad it is."
"Even though my family loves it."
"She's mad how I did not ask for permission and says it doesn't fit her values of how we should be together."
"Currently in crisis mode trying to work this out."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP, and unanimously agreed he was not the a**hole for getting his tattoo without his girlfriend's permission.
Everyone agreed that the OP was the only person who had a say as to what he did to his own body, with many hinting that it was in his best interest to seriously reevaluate his relationship.
"Your body, your choice."
"Also, she sounds kind of crazy."
"Almost seems like she's treating you as an accessory instead of a bf."
"NTA."-mdthomas.
"NTA."
"Your body, your choice."
"And you really need to rethink your choice of girlfriend."
"It is one thing for her express that she doesn't care for the tattoo."
"It is another for her to publicly shame you."- del901.
"Dude run."
"The tattoo is for you."
"I hate tattoos but would never even comment on someone getting one, it's their business, their body."
"If she doesn't like you as you are she is not worth the effort."
"Asking permission is for parents and bosses."
'NTA."-Responsible_Candle86.
"NTA it's your body FAM."
"My opinion here: Red Flag. Run."- Orio_Cookies.
"Kid, high school romances rarely last outside of high school."
"So don't worry about breaking up with her, you'll find more open-minded women who'll love your tattoo."
"Also bringing her mommy and daddy into your arguments just shows how immature she still is."
"NTA."- your-yogurt.
"NTA and this is not the girl for you."
"Thank her very much for showing you who she is and bid her farewell."
"Anyone who truly loves you would never ever treat you this way."
"You will be so much happier!"
"Congratulations on the hard work too!"- Krishnacat2663.
"NTA."
"You don't need her permission when it comes to choices about your body."
"What she's doing is the a pit of me of manipulation."
"Knock her off her petal stool and say, 'You're right, we should break up'."-iMESSupCOMMONphrases.
"NTA."
"Babe, you're working so hard and you should be proud and able to celebrate that however you like."
"You have so much to look forward to, and so many experiences in the present that deserve your energy far more than a negative relationship at this point in your life."
"It sounds like you may be outgrowing her, and maybe she knows that, hence her making this weird power play."
"Go ahead and grow."
"This isn't a crisis, it's a threat."
"And she got her family to gang up on a 19 year old."
"That's not love, honey."
"Now get out there and show off that tat."- Brilliant_Rock_5230.
"NTA She's mad controlling."
"It's your body, you get to decide what to do with it."
"Use that newly peacocked ankle to walk away from her."- cantankerouswhale.
"NTA."
"Your girlfriend is totally an a**shole covered in a**hole with a**hole sauce on the side."
"How is she an a**hole?"
"Let us count the ways."
"One, she didn't like your 'style' and was waiting for you to fix it??"
"What the actual f*ck?'
"Two, She doesn't like a tattoo that has a deep significant meaning to you because because she didn't like how it looked."
"And she didn't care how meaningful it is to you?"
"Three."
"She threatened to break up with you."
"Because of something as superficial as a meaningful tattoo."
"She is using your relationship to make you act the way she wants you to."
"Four, but wait, there's f*cking more."
"She passes around the picture of your tattoo so her family can shame you."
"Five, seriously, there is more."
"She is mad that you didn't ask her permission?"
"You are f*cking 19."
"You don't need her permission."
"The only good thing that came out of this is that she revealed who she truly is."-NextTimeOnJudgeDredd.
"NTA."
"It's a huge red flag that she is so harshly judging your style and expecting you to change."
"You don't need her permission or approval."-the_glass_gecko.
"NTA a partner who loves you wouldn't do any of that."
"Time to break up and move on."- tratcove.
"RUN!!! "
"You're too young for this crazy chick, move on."
"No one should tell you what you can or can't do at this point in life, especially not your 18 year old girlfriend who already treats you like sh*t."
"Run, run fast."
"Enjoy life, focus on school and have some fun."
"NTA."- JanellaDubois.
"NTA."
"And do yourself a favor and dump her."
"She's toxic!"-Pagesofdreams112.
"NTA."
"You don't need her permission."
"It's your body."
"Big red flag there."- kylecs7637.
"NTA."
"You didn't need her permission, or anyone's."
"She sounds awful, just dump her, and find someone who doesn't belittle you and manipulate you."-PhotonBath.
"Let her break up with you."
"Or you break up with her."
"When I was 18, I wanted a tattoo and my tongue pierced."
"My then boyfriend told me he'd leave me."
"Guess what?"
"We broke up anyways."
"The first thing I did was get a tattoo."
"My only one too."
"Do what makes you happy."
"You're both young and you shouldn't put up with that."
"NTA."-kochenta2020.
"Your body, your choice."
"Also if 'your style was already garbage' then she doesn't want you."
"She wants to change you."
"You need somebody who loves you for yourself."
"I've been there too."
"Never again."- AtmosFear_666.
"NTA."
"Break up with her."
"That's super immature and I assume that will continue."-Spoopyowo.
"NTA."
"I've been married for over 10 years."
"Recently I decided I wanted a tattoo."
"I contacted a tattooist and had him help me design it."
"Then I asked my spouse when we could afford it."
"I never asked for permission."
"My SO told me we had the funds available now, so I scheduled an appointment and got the tattoo."
"I did show the design to my SO beforehand because I wanted their opinion."
"I did make a minor change to the design based on that opinion."
"My SO only made the suggestion because they know I wasn't a big fan of the color being used, not because they didn't like it."
"It's your body dude."
"Do what makes you happy."
"Let her breakup with you."
"Be with someone who is happy that you're you."- Ninja_Dolphin.
"NTA, but your relationship is - or should be - over."
"Find a better girlfriend."-s1m0n_s3z.
"Hey, kiddo, you sound like a good person and good for you for finding your way through your struggles."
"Kick her to the curb."
"You went through something and chose to remind yourself that you're able to overcome some weighty obstacles, if that's how you want to memorialize that & keep yourself going, then why does it matter to anyone else?"
"Her lack of maturity and understanding is coming through HARD."
"If she can't support & love you over a tattoo she'll rarely see, where is she going to fall on something that actually matters?"
"I hope you find happiness with someone who accepts and sees you, my dear."-KikiG-.
The controlling nature of the OP's girlfriend does seem worrisome, to say the least.
Particularly in that she chose to ignore the significance of the tattoo for the OP.
Maybe after a few conversations she might come to realize that.
Otherwise, it sounds like it might not be the worst thing for the OP if this relationship comes to an end.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.