People in the first world adhere to a variety of fad diets. Most are incredibly unbalanced.
No carbs, lots of carbs, no meat, lots of meat, no fats, no sugar, only raw foods, only foods prehistoric hominids would eat, etc... But unless you have food allergies, sensitivities, or specific health conditions like Celiac, all things in moderation is the best advice.
But that advice doesn't stop people from following the latest fad.
A grandparent turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after clashing over cookies.
Repulsive_Purple7304 asked:
"AITA for losing my sh*t over cookies when my daughter-in-law tossed them out?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I am a good baker, I enjoy making sweet treats for everyone to enjoy. My daughter-in-law (DIL) Emily is very heath conscious and even more so now that they have two kids."
"She is the type of person who avoids sugars, mostly eats organic, and avoids processed foods. When the grandkids visit I usally make cookies or something sweet for them to enjoy."
"Every single times she sees them, she usually goes on about how they are unhealthy. We got into an argument about this a few months ago about not giving the kids junk."
"She acts like I am poisoning them. It's a cookie. Also I think her relationship with food is unheathy."
"My son has never had issues with me feeding them treats… not once."
"It has always been Emily, not to mention food has been an argument between them for a while."
"I pointed out everything is homemade and I am not only serving them cookies. My son stepped in on this and we compromised that the kids can have one cookie when they are here."
"This was good for a while until yesterday. The kids came over last night and I made a batch of cookies."
"They were cooling on the rack."
"Emily and my son decided to chat a bit before heading out. During that time Emily went into the kitchen and threw away the cookies."
"When I asked her why she did it, she claimed she was doing me a favor since they are unhealthy. I yelled at her saying that she had no right to throw away food in my home that I had worked hard to make."
"She got defensive and said she was just trying to help. My son stepped in and told me to calm down, but I was furious."
"Emily left the room in tears, and now my son is saying I overreacted and should apologize."
"I told my son that I will not be babysitting until he handles this situation and I will not apologize."
"I am also pissed since those were my cookies for the week. Chocolate chip with stuffed peanut butter inside."
The OP summed up their situation.
"Lost my sh*t over cookies when my DIL tossed them out."
"I may be a jerk since I did lose my cool and may have overreacted."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was definitely not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Yes, parents get to decide how their children eat, and I think other people should respect that, unless it creates an unreasonable burden—like if they want kids to eat vegan but want you to cook a completely separate meal or they want specific expensive foods but are unwilling to pay for those foods."
"In this case, you could not serve the kids cookies at all, even if you are doing them a favor by babysitting. But you all COMPROMISED and agreed the kids could each have a cookie."
"And your DIL didn't just decide her kids couldn't have the cookies she agreed to. She threw away cookies you had for YOU, that you made, with your own ingredients, in your own home."
"You need to be clear with your son, you all agreed to this compromise, and it was incredibly rude for your DIL to throw away your own food in your own home, and there is NO excuse for that."
"Would he be okay with you going in to their home and opening up the cupboards and throwing away anything you wanted? No, of course not."
"If DIL had decided she didn't want her kids to have cookies, she could have said that, instead she destroyed YOUR property."
"You have nothing to apologize for, you didn't even call her names, you just yelled at her about the exact thing she did wrong."
"SHE needs to apologize to you and fully recognize that she drastically overstepped in what is appropriate in someone else's home."
"She wasn't trying to 'help' and they both know that, and I wouldn't let them back in my home at all until they could fully appreciate that and apologize." ~ mfruitfly
"NTA. What in the world gave Emily the idea she could throw away cookies in someone else's home‽‽ She doesn't even have the excuse that she thought they were old or stale or somehow not good to eat, because you said they were on a cooling rack!"
"Emily owes you an apology, because she clearly overstepped in your home. She has a right to say what she wants her kids to eat or not eat, but does not have that right over what you eat and what you have in your kitchen." ~ anothertypicalcmmnt
"Exactly! I would be furious. Groceries are expensive! And OP spent her time trying to do something nice for her grandkids."
"OP is NTA, and should not allow Emily in her house until she apologized and agreed to not throw out things that don't belong to her." ~ Tinkertailorartist
"It might be a good idea for OP to tally up the amount she paid for the ingredients, and send the bill to her son and DIL with the note, 'This is what you cost me by "helping" me, and I need reimbursement for the loss'." ~ CrazyCookie8507
"NTA—how is throwing out food at someone else's home not an overreaction by Emily? DIL has a ferociously unhealthy relationship with food if she can't even control her actions around food that doesn't belong to her."
"Food isn't healthy or unhealthy, it's just food. If she cared so much, she could teach her child about moderation and making choices that are good for their body, rather than micromanaging what the people around her consume."
"You've already come to a reasonable compromise regarding what the children eat while in your home."
"If the DIL apologizes for throwing out your food, it is only fair to apologize for raising your voice and/or using unkind words—but she disrespected you in your own home, it's absurd that she thinks you would thank her for it." ~ quietgrrrlriot
"NTA. Emily is rude as hell. The occasional cookie or two won't kill the kids." ~ AgnarCrackenhammer
"Not only that, but throwing out someone's baked goods in their own home is hella rude. If she doesn't want the kids to eat a damn cookie, wwhatever, that's on her."
"But don't walk into someone else's house and bin their food." ~ dsly4425
"I had an aunt that used to believe in no sweets of any kind. When her son, my cousin, was in high school and there were snack machines he went crazy."
"All he ever wanted was junk. When he went to friend's houses all he ever wanted was junk."
"It's better to learn to have good things in moderation at an early age." ~ Spiritual-Print-4879
While this mother can raise her children however she wants, she can't control her mother-in-law's diet or her mother-in-law's home.
Going back on their agreement about cookies and her kids was disingenuous and showed a lack of integrity. But throwing away food she doesn't like in someone else's home was just rude and disrespectful.
An apology is definitely required, but not from the OP.
The OP also shared the cookie recipe they use from Jessica at Big Delicious Life.
Ingredients
2 ¼ cups bread flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cornstarch
2 sticks butter I always use salted
1 cup brown sugar
½ cup granulated sugar
2 eggs 1 whole egg + 1 yolk room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups chocolate chips
Peanut butter filling
½ cup creamy peanut butter
¼ cup powdered sugar
Instructions
-
- In a small bowl, mix peanut butter and powdered sugar. Drop heaping teaspoons onto a parchment lined plate or baking sheet and freeze for an hour until hard.
- In a heavy bottom sauce pan, melt butter and let cool slightly.
- Whisk together flour, salt, baking soda and cornstarch.
- In a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream melted butter, brown sugar and granulated sugar until well combined. About 2 minutes.
- Add in whole egg and egg yolk and vanilla extract and mix until thoroughly combined.
- Gradually stir in dry ingredients.
- Stir in almost all of the chocolate chips. I like to save about ¼ cup to press into the tops of the cookies before baking.
- Chill dough for at least one hour before baking.
- Scoop out a heaping tablespoon of cookie dough onto a parchment lined baking sheet and make a depression in the center. Place on of the peanut butter fillings in the depression and cover with another heaping tablespoon of dough. Form into a mound, keeping it tall so the cookies will be thick and chewy. Bake six at a time on each sheet as these cookies are large.
- When you're ready to bake, preheat oven to 375 degrees.
- Bake for 12-15 minutes until cookies are light golden brown. Start checking them at around 9 minutes and rotate the pan if necessary.
They sound delicious! We'll certainly be making a batch. Let us know in the comments if you try them, too.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp