The truth always finds you.
Always.
So what happens when the lies that have been told to you start unraveling?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) AgentRamandu when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my fiancé her sister isn’t invited to our wedding?”
The setting.
“So, myself (27M) and my fiancé (28F) have been together close to a year, engaged for half of that.”
“We are planning a wedding in the fall of ‘24 and have started a guest list.”
“She comes from a big family and I am an only child.”
“We are close with one of her sisters in particular, and often went to visit her and play board games and such.”
“This sister has a fiancé and is pregnant.”
“Recently, my fiancé told me that her sister was having a shotgun wedding before the baby arrived in order to keep with their traditional values and appease familial religious desires.”
A little bit of history.
“Back up a bit.”
“I’ve done a lot for her sister and soon-to-be husband.”
“I planned a birthday party for his son-from-another-marriage, I’ve given her rides, always brought small gifts when I would visit.”
“I’ve gone as far as to stop everything I was doing to help her during a health scare while she was pregnant. I really felt like a part of the family.”
“Fast forward.”
“In a text to my fiancé upon announcing her wedding, her sister made it a point to say, ‘It’s a small wedding, no plus ones. OP can come to the dinner afterwards.'”
“All fine by me.”
“I honestly don’t really mind, as ceremonies can be dull and I understood why she would only want to have immediate family at her small wedding.”
“I woke up on the day of the wedding to help my fiancé get ready and drive her over to her sisters house.”
“I planned on driving my fiancé, her sister, and her sisters soon-to-be husband to the venue and bringing them to the dinner afterwards.”
“My fiancé told me, ‘It’s okay, just drop me off at my sisters and we will get a ride over.'”
“A little odd, but I was fine with that too. I arrived over there and as my fiancé got out of the car I asked if I could come in and congratulate them.”
“She seemed hesitant and said, ‘Uhh, ok. Let me just text my sister to make sure.”’
“I was dressed in plain clothes, and was hesitantly invited to come inside.”
The reveal.
“We walked up to the house.”
“Inside was a party of her siblings, and their friends and significant others all dressed up.”
“They all looked at me and didn’t say much.”
“I saw another one of her sisters, and her new boyfriend was in a suit. Everyone was invited.”
“The ‘no plus 1’s’ only applied to me.”
“I immediately left, and in a text told my fiancé they were off the guest list for our wedding.”
“My fiancé is upset at that, because her sister is her close friend.”
“She said maybe I did something to upset them which is why I wasn’t invited, but I’ve been nothing but kind and caring to her entire family.”
“I’ve spent hundreds of dollars and gone above and beyond for everyone. Now we are fighting over this.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some thought OP was focusing on the wrong issue.
“NTA”
“Your fiance went along with excluding and manipulating you into believing the ‘no +1’ rule…”
“No matter how much she may try to pin it on the sister, family, whoever.. she was an active participant.”
“A true partner wouldn’t have allowed that or at the absolute bare minimum would have been honest with you about why you weren’t wanted at the event.”
“This behaviour is not even a red flag, it’s a biohazard sign.”
“You’ve been together for less than a year so you still have ample room to make a clean break and find someone appreciates and includes you.” ~ KestraStar
“NTA, rethink the relationship.” ~ Maleficent_Ant2594
“I know.”
“I think OP isn’t as mad about this as he should be.” ~ greenhouse5
“I would NEVER.”
“NEVERRR in a million years allow this to happen to my fiancé.”
“This is a complete betrayal and it sounds to me like multiple lies were told or upheld by OP’s fiancée.”
“I’d demand couples counseling after this if not completely rethink the relationship. Absolutely no support.” ~ dessert-er
“The guest list for a 2024 wedding is not this issue here.”
“Do not allow this to become a discussion focused on her attending that one day.”
“That is a discussion for months from now and is irrelevant at the moment.”
“Your problem is with your fiancé.”
“She knew you were being excluded and not only kept it from you but doubled down by not coming clean when you asked to go in to congratulate the couple.”
“Something is very wrong here and you need to have a lot of honest discussions before you decide if there should even be a wedding.”
“Again DO NOT allow this communication to be sidetracked by a guest list for an event that is over a year away.”
“Your fiancés behavior is extremely concerning if you want a successful relationship with her.” ~ ZestycloseOption1533
Communication is a responsibility.
“Absolutely, and at the very least, OP’s gotta get some kind of explanation for what the hell is going on here!”
‘“Maybe you did something’ is obviously not satisfactory. Straight answer or end the relationship.” ~ e_hatt_swank
“Even if OP truly did something wrong to the sister or her fiancee, it was their responsibility to say something and address whatever that issue could possibly be like adults.”
“Instead they chose to avoid the issue and just hope it would work out, and I guess OP’s fiancee was okay with that too because clearly she didn’t say anything!”
“OP is just surrounded by inconsiderate people.” ~ DVKuno
“Exactly.”
“I also think that ‘maybe you did something’ actually means he definitely did something and the fiancé knows what it is and quietly agrees with her family about it for now or isn’t willing to fight them on behalf of her fiancé for now.”
“Which is a very, very bad sign.”
“Something is way off here, and I’m not sure it’s even worth getting to the bottom of it.”
“Just break it off.” ~ lionne6
Why the rush?
“NTA, but why are you guys rushing to get married so quickly?”
“You haven’t even been together for a year. How well can you really know each other?”
“You are still in the ‘best behavior’ stage of your relationship.”
“You have just had a peek at what is lurking behind the honeymoon stage of your relationship.”
“Will she always go along with and side with members of her family over you?”
“Will she go out of her way to avoid standing up for you?”
“She didn’t even make up an excuse to spare you by not allowing you to come into the venue.”
“Instead, she let you be humiliated by finding out that you and only you were not invited in FRONT of the rest of the guests.”
“Also, did she even push back at her sister when her sister told her you weren’t invited?”
“Your fiance had to have know in advance that you were the only one not invited.”
“And from your post, it sounds like she didn’t even bother to ask why.”
“You may want to slow down on the wedding planning and take some time to really get to know each other before rushing into a marriage.”
“Because, seriously dude, the marinara is bubbling over and spilling on those crimson flags your fiancé dropped” ~ PaganCHICK720
“I can’t upvote this enough.”
“Engaged at six months?”
“You barely know each other!”
“Have you lived together? Been through serious illness together?”
“Struggled financially together? Unpacked trauma together?”
“Pump the brakes OP, or you are in for a lifetime of angst and disappointment. Breaking an engagement is light years less damaging than going thru a divorce.” ~ cypresscoydog
Others pointed out how insidious this really was.
“sorry to break it to you buddy but this was planned in advance, they did this to you on purpose and your fiancé was in on it.”
“Your first sign was when she told you they would find their own ride, the second is when you asked to come in and your fiancé got skittish and hesitant.”
“And the third is everyone who looked at you funny or was shocked to see you knew exactly what was going on and knew you weren’t supposed to be there.”
“Personal I wouldn’t let that slide especially after everything you’ve done for them, it’s clear you’re nothing but a bank/ helper to them.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you and you have every right to feel the way you do but I hope you dig deeper before you marry into that family cause this whole situation screams ‘your not one of us yet but you have to do everything for us’ and in families like that it never changes.” ~ Global_Twist_313
We all want to feel like we’re part of the group.
When that group is cruel or dishonest with you, maybe re-think if that’s the right group for you.