Family can become especially dramatic when it comes to large events, such as weddings.
Everyone seems to have an opinion on everything.
So much of what the lovebirds envision can get distorted by other people’s demands and requests.
This makes the planning so much more stressful.
Redditor Optimal-Carpet784 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for uninviting my parents from my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (45 M[ale]) am getting married to my fiancé (49 M) next week and my family has done nothing but make my life harder.”
“I want a G[luten]-F[ree] cake for my husband-to-be?”
“Them… ‘No. Those don’t taste as good. Only make it 1 tier of the cake.’”
“I want my family to wear blue for pictures.”
“Them… ‘No. They don’t look good in blue. They prefer warm colors.’”
“I don’t want my nephew to bring the rings down?”
“Them… ‘But he’ll miss out on such a big moment for his uncle!’”
“Every time I try and make a decision somebody has to come along and say something about how my decision is wrong.”
“But I was willing to put up with all that.”
“The last straw was earlier tonight when my parents insisted we have an open bar instead of a dry wedding.”
“A dry wedding was our decision.”
“There’s no alcoholics on either side of our family.”
“But we don’t like drinking.”
“We don’t like how loud and obnoxious people become when they drink.”
“We just wanted a simple, beautiful wedding.”
“But my parents just could not turn down another opportunity to complain about something.”
“Telling us about how ‘Oh it’s too hard to meet people without a drink or two’ or ‘It’s a time to celebrate and party! At least have something for us to have!’”
“But I wasn’t budging.”
“I told them that the dry wedding was already decided, and if they don’t want to stay for the reception, they can leave after the ceremony.”
“My Dad chimed in with ‘I guess I’ll just have to drink beforehand then.'”
“And I lost it.”
“I told him ‘Actually, You won’t even have to do that. I’m done. You’re not coming. You’ve walked all over me this whole time. But this isn’t about you. This day is about me and my fiancé. And if you can’t stay sober to meet his family, then you don’t need to meet them at all.’”
“My fiancé grabbed the keys, and he walked out with me.”
“He supports my decision on this, luckily.”
“But I can’t help but feel bad.”
“I’m their oldest kid finally getting married and I just told them they can’t be there to see it.”
“I’m wondering if I should allow a bottle of champagne at dinner just to appease them or if I should stick to the invite being taken away.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Well done for sticking up for yourself.”
“Your parents/family should be making your life as easy as possible, not adding to the stress.”
“I can only imagine that this is the type of behavior you’ve dealt with your whole life, but that doesn’t make it okay.”
“I don’t know what ‘the rings’ are, but expecting your nephew to be able to put on a show against your wishes is crazy.”
“I hope you have a fantastic wedding.” ~ BoomBoomBoom123456
“NTA. It’s your wedding, and you’re entitled to have it how you want.” ~ MerlinBiggs
“My son had a dry wedding, ‘our’ side was horrified.”
“My response was that if you cannot enjoy yourself for a few hours at a gathering without alcohol then you have a serious problem and should seek help.”
“If it helps, her parents also disrespected every decision the bride and groom made.”
“I only told her that I would not wear dusty blue because it is a horrible color on me.”
“She said it is a beautiful color.”
“I put a dusty blue dress on and showed them.”
“Son looked like he had a slug in his mouth and said yeah no, she can’t wear that.”
“But he also knew that I had my foot down and wouldn’t do it. Rude?”
“Maybe, but I paid for 90% of the wedding and had no input unless I was specifically asked.”
“My other son is getting married this year, the bride’s family is now having a meltdown because he refuses to pay for alcohol since they don’t drink.” ~ Tinkerpro
“This is your wedding.”
“The decisions are yours.”
“Everyone knows there is a risk of cross-contamination with G[luten] F[ree] next to gluten.”
“I like a drink but really?”
“They cannot go alcohol-free for one event?”
“NTA if they have nothing nice to say they shouldn’t bother attending.” ~ Individual_Metal_983
“I’m in two minds.”
“I absolutely had a lot of this same nonsense and at the end of the day, it’s your wedding.”
“It is about your marriage.”
“What you want should be accepted by those around you.”
“It sounds like you’ve had no choice to set boundaries because of how critical and rude they’ve been.”
“That said, weddings aren’t JUST about you, full stop.”
“I do believe you still owe guests a good time if you expect them to turn up and celebrate with you.”
“Now I’ve been to many dry and non-dry weddings – and it does change the vibe.”
“But it also depends on the context too – neither type, in my opinion, has been bad.”
“I know when I turn up to a dry wedding, I’m not gonna be dancing on tables with those friends or family members.”
“I’m cool with that.”
“I think if your parents hadn’t been so difficult earlier, you could have compromised with, say, one drink for a toast, but it sounds like you’ve been pushed so far you’re now saying no on principle.”
“I think if you need a drink so bad that you’ll be willing to forego your own child’s wedding, then that makes you an a**hole.”
“But I also feel like, unless it’s for a financial or religious reason, banning all alcohol consumption because you personally don’t like it – especially when you yourself still don’t have to drink – maybe feels a little shortsighted.”
“But as you say, as a guest, you either suck it up or don’t go!”
“I think some of the comments here implying that any and all forms of drinking are for losers are a bit unfair.”
“So definitely NTA but maybe with a teeny tiny bit of YTA for your consideration.” ~ FayeHasCatHands
“NTA. Not sure why any parent of a 45-year-old would think they get a final say in the wedding, they can offer an opinion, but should accept the final choices of the betrothed.”
“Only if you want, I would text them the itinerary of the wedding (include all details…”1 pm to 5 pm, dry reception, buffet dinner, etc).”
“And specify they can come but only if they can be totally supportive of you and your partner’s choices.”
“This would include them not even expressing a negative viewpoint to any other guest.” ~ AssociateMany102
“If you are paying for the wedding, then it is YOU and Your partner’s decision.”
“No one else’s.”
“Have what you want. Gluten-free cake, go for it.”
“A Dry Wedding, it is your choice. It is better than having a drunken brawl at the wedding. “
“Child-free, or no nephew in the service, it is your choice.”
“I would consider not inviting those who can not respect your choices. NTA.” ~ Aggravating-Pain9249
“NTA. BUT WHY ARE YOU SHARING SO MUCH INFORMATION WITH YOUR FAMILY????”
“Stop this right now.”
“You sound waaay too enmeshed with your parents.”
“It’s your wedding, your rules.” ~ Ok_Excitement_3810
“NTA – however, weddings are normally very full for guests, and getting a bit drunk makes things more fun for others.”
“Perhaps just elope and have a lunch/picnic to announce it.” ~ TickityTickityBoom
“NTA. My granddaughter had a dry wedding.”
“Her husband said that if the only reason someone was going to their wedding was for free drinks, they didn’t need to be there.” ~ Agreeable-Region-310
“NTA, it’s your wedding so you get to plan your party.”
“Your parents aren’t wrong in the comments they made, but the day isn’t about your guests.”
“It’s about you and your fiance.” ~ SpinIggy
“NTA. Hold on to your beliefs!”
“This is your wedding and you and your fiancé should love it.”
“If you compromise now on something you feel strongly about, where will it end?”
“They’ll have demands about things in the future and will you continue to allow them to make you unhappy?” ~continually_trying
“NTA, but I had to check your ages; as middle-aged men, stop letting your family walk all over you.”
“Have the wedding the way you and your fiancé want it, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.” ~ schec1
“NTA. I uninvited my mom from my wedding; honestly, it was the best decision.”
“I wanted a drama-free day and knew she’d bring drama.”
“Her behavior leading up to the wedding gave me all the proof I needed.”
“Don’t feel guilty for putting you and your fiancé’s well-being first.” ~ BustAMove_13
“No, you are NTA.”
“Honestly, if they want alcohol for only the wedding, I get it.”
“I only drink on special occasions.”
“But, if they drink all the time, I understand the want to not have whiskey or wine or anything there.”
“It’s true, people get crazy when they have alcohol, and it’s your wedding, so they can’t make demands.”
“I understand your decision.”
“Are they the only ones demanding things?”
“Like, have your fiance’s family made demands too?”
“Just a question.” ~ Delicious-Monk9015
“NTA, stick to not having them there, have a dry wedding and a gluten-free cake and meal, why should your fiancé’s needs not be taken into account because of your parents?”
“They sound awful, controlling and overbearing.”
“Have the beautiful and chilled wedding day the way you want it.” ~ waspgirl72
“NTA. It’s your wedding, but you don’t have to go to the extreme of uninviting them.”
“Set a boundary.”
“No booze at our wedding.”
“If that’s a deal breaker, then we’re sorry you’re not coming.” ~ Sadpepper2015
“NTA. Weddings always seem to bring out family drama.”
“It’s a shame because your day should be about you and your fiancé.”
“I would suggest being sure about your feelings on everything before making your final decision.”
“YOUR feelings.”
“Will you look back on your wedding and wish they had been there?”
“If so, I would firmly tell them, ‘We want you to be part of our special day, but we have carefully planned everything and are not taking suggestions on food and drink, wedding colors, or anything else.'”
“If you truly prefer they don’t attend, that’s fine, too.”
“You’re still NTA.”
“Ultimately, this is your day, and you should go forward in whatever way makes it the most special and enjoyable.”
“Congratulations, and I wish you a day filled with happiness and love.” ~ Solinah
“It’s your wedding so it’s your rules, if anyone doesn’t want to go by those rules, uninvite them and have someone at the door to stop them from crashing the event. NTA.” ~ GirlDad2023_
“NTA. It’s your wedding. “
“The guests and family should respect your plans for your special day.”
“I’m sure we’ve all bent to weddings that we might have done a bit differently, but we keep our mouths shut.”
“There’s nothing objectionable about your plans — especially no alcohol.”
“I’ve been to several dry weddings.”
“Different reasons, history of alcoholism in the family, religion, not the guests’ business.”
“Immature of your dad to bait you; you shouldn’t have let yourself be baited (hopefully, he really wouldn’t have shown up plastered).”
“But it sounds like this was more the straw that broke the camel’s back.” ~ Suspicious_Habit_447
“NTA. If you two don’t want alcohol, don’t serve alcohol, and don’t put out a bottle just for your parents, you’ve made a decision and it’s a fine decision, don’t be pressured into changing something important to you and your husband.”
“What you could do is give them a chance to have a conversation with you about it.”
“Explain to them how much their behavior bothers you and see what they say.”
“From your point of view, they are making serious criticisms whereas from their point of vie,w they might think they’re making helpful suggestions.”
“We all have communication problems sometimes.”
“Decide what you want to do from there.”
“If it is just a communication issue and you want them there then re-invite them, but if they double down and try to control things or if they try to blame you for their actions then leave them out if that’s what you feel is best.”
“Just do your best, trust your heart, and have a really great day.” ~ BoysenberryJellyfish
“NTA – they all sound exhausting and you need to stop engaging, they are trifling AHs.”
“And the people saying ‘what’s wrong with just 1 layer of GF?'”
“Y’all read enough of this sub to know that’s NOT HOW GF STUFF WORKS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE SERIOUS REACTIONS!! 🙄😂”
“I’m a drinker and a dry wedding is fine by me but include that in your invites or email updates etc, so guests are aware.”
“Stop allowing them to bully you – you are a grown adult getting married, so act like it and have a lovely wedding!” ~ solarama
“NTA they pushed and pushed and pushed… for what?”
“Just to be in control of… something that was not theirs to control?”
“No, go away people.”
“Have a beautiful peaceful wedding without the anchors there dragging it all down and complaining about everything they didn’t get to choose… incessantly.”
“I wish you nothing but peace love and light.”
“Be well.” ~ Technical-Habit-5114
“You’re definitely NTA… But be prepared for a more subdued, shorter reception if it’s dry.”
“Sounds like this is what you want!”
“People don’t dance and cut up with strangers when they’re sober, but there’s still going to be really great conversations and good memories.” ~ No_Scabs_InUnion
“NTA – you and your fiancè are free to have the wedding you want.”
“And it doesn’t seem like your parents/family have shown they truly want to attend your wedding anyway, since all they’ve done is complain about everything.” ~ Money-Examination884
Reddit understands your decisions, OP.
It’s your wedding, your day… your rules!
It is very possible to have a wedding sans alcohol.
A bottle of champagne would be nice, but not necessary.
You do you.
Congratulations!