There's nothing more distressing than returning home from work to find a person who doesn't live there, making themselves feel at home.
This happened to a Redditor, except that the individual they found in their home was a person they recognized but were not welcome.
When steps were taken to avoid a repeat encounter, the ensuing drama caused them to reconsider their actions.
So they visited the "Am I the A** Hole?" (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Ethereal_Wife asked:
"AITAH for taking away the keys of our house from my husband's ex-wife?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"A couple of days ago, I came home from a work meeting and was unpleasantly surprised to find my husband's ex-wife wandering around the house, fresh out of the shower, with only a towel wrapped around her body."
"I felt absolutely hysterical, though I didn't show it. She had the keys because her daughter (who is also my husband's daughter) spends more time at our house than at hers, so she occasionally comes to 'visit' her."
"This time, I didn't hold back. I demanded that she give me the keys and told her she wasn't allowed to come over while I was not home. My husband was asleep in the bedroom and had no idea that his ex-wife was even in the house."
The OP continued:
"When I asked my stepdaughter why her mother had stayed, she simply said that she wasn't planning to leave until her dad woke up. My mind immediately interpreted that as an attempt at seduction."
"In short, I took away the house keys and told her that it wasn't necessary for her to come see her daughter on weekdays when my stepdaughter went to her house already on weekends. If she needed to come over for something important, she had to ask for permission. She called me crazy, but my husband backed me up, which was the only reason she eventually left without making a scene."
When guilt crept in, she divulged:
"Today, I started wondering if maybe I overreacted and handled things immaturely, but at the same time, I don't want her around my 4-month-old baby when I'm not home."
"EDIT: to avoid more accusations, I checked the entire chronology of the cameras at home and my husband was sleeping with our baby all morning, he didn't even know she was home but he was angrier than me when he saw her and even insisted that we report her."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a** hole (NTA) here.
"You're definitely NTA and she was trying to seduce your husband imo. She should've never been given a key and her reaction of getting mad says everything about her intentions." – SnooTomatoes9819
"How often does she swing by for a shower when you are not around and why was the daughter so chilled about her being there.. Sounds like something she does often? Sounds like a massive clash in values and or for lack of better words, she put your husband to sleep. "
"Either way NTA but bounderies need to be set." – chrisP__bacon
"What the actual hell? The woman took a shower in your home while her ex-husband - who is now YOUR husband - was asleep and you're asking if you're an AH or overreacting? Let's be clear, it's a big no to both. She has no business having keys to your home and proved she cannot be trusted not to act inappropriately."
"Unless she'd just been doused with radioactive material, she didn't need a shower at that moment , again - in your home. There's no excuse for her behavior and it's disgusting. She's acting like a fool and needs to be put in her place immediately and permanently. I give you credit for not throwing her out into the snow wearing the towel she bothered to wrap herself in."
"you and your husband need to have a long discussion about boundaries, change the locks (I don't trust her to have given back the only set she had), and explain to stepdaughter that her mother is not allowed in your home under any circumstances. This woman has no shame and is trying to break up your marriage. Don't let it happen. What is wrong with some people? NTA." – forgetregret1day
"Wow, OP. I just dumped my partner at the end of January when he decided to leave his ex-wife alone in the house we live in. Thank you for validating that I made the right choice... I wrote myself a note on my bathroom mirror that says, 'I'm not spending my life coming home to his ex-wife in the living room.' "
"You are NTA. This is crazy behavior." – SloppyKissSurvivor
"NTA. There is no logical or reasonable reason that an ex-wife should have keys to the home. Their mutual daughter is almost an adult and certainly you can find a neighbor to give keys to in case of an emergency." – Fatkitty22
After an overwhelming majority responded to the post, citing the OP was not wrong for taking the keys from the ex-wife, they wrote in a part 2 post:
"Hi, it's me! The woman who found her husband's ex-wife in her house wearing a towel. I've seen that things have gotten pretty out of control (to the point where it's spread all over the internet), so I'm here to clear some things up and give some updates."
"First of all, we've changed all the locks, and although my stepdaughter has her own key, she's not going to risk losing her father's trust after the serious talk they had."
"After my husband started the process for a restraining order, his ex-wife's sister reached out to us. She told us that the ex-wife was feeling empty and threatened because of me. I've been living with my husband in this house for three years, and she had never done anything like this before, so it seemed extremely strange to me that she would pull this kind of stunt right after I gave birth to my son."
The OP continued:
"Anyway, my husband's ex-sister-in-law assured us that she was going to receive psychological treatment and that we could move forward with the restraining order. She just asked us to understand that the ex-wife seemed to be falling into some kind of depression that was preventing her from thinking clearly."
"As for why I feel so bad and why I haven't reacted more aggressively, I have an explanation: Since giving birth a few months ago, I've felt slow, dumb, and a bit confused about everything. I never had serious trouble defending myself in English before, but now I do, and my emotions are all over the place, leaving me feeling distressed in any dramatic situation."
To wrap things up, I'd like to clarify a few points:
"No, my husband has not cheated on me with the woman he's been having issues with for 11 years. I checked the security cameras, and he was asleep next to our child during the hour his ex-wife was showering downstairs. That bathroom is pretty far from the bedroom."
"My stepdaughter was barely involved in her mother's plan. In fact, she was the one who alerted me that her mom was in the house and that she had no idea why. Normally, her mom would let her know before visiting, and only if my husband wasn't home."
"Yes, that woman only did it to get under my skin and make herself feel better. Spoiler: she won't be coming near my family again."
"In any case, thank you for the support and all the advice. I'm glad to know that there are still understanding people who have stood by me in a moment when my emotions faltered and made me doubt myself."
Redditors responded with their thoughts.
"My guess is the birth of your son pushed her over. Until that point. She thought she had the upper hand because she and your husband had the bond of a shared child. In her mind, she was still the primary relationship and you were temporary. Now, you have the ring AND a child and that blew up her fantasy."
"Go forward with the restraining order. Her mental health is on her to manage and she has her own relatives to support her through that." – TarzanKitty
"NTA. That is absolutely a violation of privacy and scary! She is being a complete creep and needs to be put in her place aka out of the picture." – silentlove_316
"NTA. You handled this well. Proceed with the restraining order."
"Imagine if the fenders were reversed. If it was a man who went into his ex's house while she was sleeping, took a shower, and then came out wearing nothing but a towel."
"Your husband's ex probably planned to go into his room naked. If she has psychiatric issues, she may try to harm him, you, or your baby." – Shdfx1
Redditors continued supporting the OP's decision to obtain a restraining order against the ex-wife, whom they believe was attempting a "power move" at an unlikely chance of getting her ex-husband back.
Redditors continued affirming the OP's decision and hoped they were getting some well-deserved peace after the unsettling ordeal.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.