There’s nothing more distressing than returning home from work to find a person who doesn’t live there, making themselves feel at home.
This happened to a Redditor, except that the individual they found in their home was a person they recognized but were not welcome.
When steps were taken to avoid a repeat encounter, the ensuing drama caused them to reconsider their actions.
So they visited the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Ethereal_Wife asked:
“AITAH for taking away the keys of our house from my husband’s ex-wife?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“A couple of days ago, I came home from a work meeting and was unpleasantly surprised to find my husband’s ex-wife wandering around the house, fresh out of the shower, with only a towel wrapped around her body.”
“I felt absolutely hysterical, though I didn’t show it. She had the keys because her daughter (who is also my husband’s daughter) spends more time at our house than at hers, so she occasionally comes to ‘visit’ her.”
“This time, I didn’t hold back. I demanded that she give me the keys and told her she wasn’t allowed to come over while I was not home. My husband was asleep in the bedroom and had no idea that his ex-wife was even in the house.”
The OP continued:
“When I asked my stepdaughter why her mother had stayed, she simply said that she wasn’t planning to leave until her dad woke up. My mind immediately interpreted that as an attempt at seduction.”
“In short, I took away the house keys and told her that it wasn’t necessary for her to come see her daughter on weekdays when my stepdaughter went to her house already on weekends. If she needed to come over for something important, she had to ask for permission. She called me crazy, but my husband backed me up, which was the only reason she eventually left without making a scene.”
When guilt crept in, she divulged:
“Today, I started wondering if maybe I overreacted and handled things immaturely, but at the same time, I don’t want her around my 4-month-old baby when I’m not home.”
“EDIT: to avoid more accusations, I checked the entire chronology of the cameras at home and my husband was sleeping with our baby all morning, he didn’t even know she was home but he was angrier than me when he saw her and even insisted that we report her.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a** hole (NTA) here.
“You’re definitely NTA and she was trying to seduce your husband imo. She should’ve never been given a key and her reaction of getting mad says everything about her intentions.” – SnooTomatoes9819
“How often does she swing by for a shower when you are not around and why was the daughter so chilled about her being there.. Sounds like something she does often? Sounds like a massive clash in values and or for lack of better words, she put your husband to sleep. “
“Either way NTA but bounderies need to be set.” – chrisP__bacon
“What the actual hell? The woman took a shower in your home while her ex-husband – who is now YOUR husband – was asleep and you’re asking if you’re an AH or overreacting? Let’s be clear, it’s a big no to both. She has no business having keys to your home and proved she cannot be trusted not to act inappropriately.”
“Unless she’d just been doused with radioactive material, she didn’t need a shower at that moment , again – in your home. There’s no excuse for her behavior and it’s disgusting. She’s acting like a fool and needs to be put in her place immediately and permanently. I give you credit for not throwing her out into the snow wearing the towel she bothered to wrap herself in.”
“you and your husband need to have a long discussion about boundaries, change the locks (I don’t trust her to have given back the only set she had), and explain to stepdaughter that her mother is not allowed in your home under any circumstances. This woman has no shame and is trying to break up your marriage. Don’t let it happen. What is wrong with some people? NTA.” – forgetregret1day
“Wow, OP. I just dumped my partner at the end of January when he decided to leave his ex-wife alone in the house we live in. Thank you for validating that I made the right choice… I wrote myself a note on my bathroom mirror that says, ‘I’m not spending my life coming home to his ex-wife in the living room.’ “
“You are NTA. This is crazy behavior.” – SloppyKissSurvivor
“NTA. There is no logical or reasonable reason that an ex-wife should have keys to the home. Their mutual daughter is almost an adult and certainly you can find a neighbor to give keys to in case of an emergency.” – Fatkitty22
After an overwhelming majority responded to the post, citing the OP was not wrong for taking the keys from the ex-wife, they wrote in a part 2 post:
“Hi, it’s me! The woman who found her husband’s ex-wife in her house wearing a towel. I’ve seen that things have gotten pretty out of control (to the point where it’s spread all over the internet), so I’m here to clear some things up and give some updates.”
“First of all, we’ve changed all the locks, and although my stepdaughter has her own key, she’s not going to risk losing her father’s trust after the serious talk they had.”
“After my husband started the process for a restraining order, his ex-wife’s sister reached out to us. She told us that the ex-wife was feeling empty and threatened because of me. I’ve been living with my husband in this house for three years, and she had never done anything like this before, so it seemed extremely strange to me that she would pull this kind of stunt right after I gave birth to my son.”
The OP continued:
“Anyway, my husband’s ex-sister-in-law assured us that she was going to receive psychological treatment and that we could move forward with the restraining order. She just asked us to understand that the ex-wife seemed to be falling into some kind of depression that was preventing her from thinking clearly.”
“As for why I feel so bad and why I haven’t reacted more aggressively, I have an explanation: Since giving birth a few months ago, I’ve felt slow, dumb, and a bit confused about everything. I never had serious trouble defending myself in English before, but now I do, and my emotions are all over the place, leaving me feeling distressed in any dramatic situation.”
To wrap things up, I’d like to clarify a few points:
“No, my husband has not cheated on me with the woman he’s been having issues with for 11 years. I checked the security cameras, and he was asleep next to our child during the hour his ex-wife was showering downstairs. That bathroom is pretty far from the bedroom.”
“My stepdaughter was barely involved in her mother’s plan. In fact, she was the one who alerted me that her mom was in the house and that she had no idea why. Normally, her mom would let her know before visiting, and only if my husband wasn’t home.”
“Yes, that woman only did it to get under my skin and make herself feel better. Spoiler: she won’t be coming near my family again.”
“In any case, thank you for the support and all the advice. I’m glad to know that there are still understanding people who have stood by me in a moment when my emotions faltered and made me doubt myself.”
Redditors responded with their thoughts.
“My guess is the birth of your son pushed her over. Until that point. She thought she had the upper hand because she and your husband had the bond of a shared child. In her mind, she was still the primary relationship and you were temporary. Now, you have the ring AND a child and that blew up her fantasy.”
“Go forward with the restraining order. Her mental health is on her to manage and she has her own relatives to support her through that.” – TarzanKitty
“NTA. That is absolutely a violation of privacy and scary! She is being a complete creep and needs to be put in her place aka out of the picture.” – silentlove_316
“NTA. You handled this well. Proceed with the restraining order.”
“Imagine if the fenders were reversed. If it was a man who went into his ex’s house while she was sleeping, took a shower, and then came out wearing nothing but a towel.”
“Your husband’s ex probably planned to go into his room naked. If she has psychiatric issues, she may try to harm him, you, or your baby.” – Shdfx1
Redditors continued supporting the OP’s decision to obtain a restraining order against the ex-wife, whom they believe was attempting a “power move” at an unlikely chance of getting her ex-husband back.
Redditors continued affirming the OP’s decision and hoped they were getting some well-deserved peace after the unsettling ordeal.