When making a guest list for a wedding, people have to first come to terms with who is being left off the invites.
And why?
There are always going to be disappointed friends and family.
It’s can be especially trying when the choice is made to go… childfree.
Some parents don’t take that one well.
Case in point…
Redditor throwaway3373123 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for using flash cards to explain to my brother and his wife why they can’t bring their rainbow baby to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancée (F) and I (M) are getting married.”
“We’ve decided wedding’s gonna be childfree.”
“No hate towards children just to keep it more organized and contained.”
“My brother ‘Chris’ (M) and his wife (F) have a 3 year old son who everyone calls a ‘miracle’ or ‘rainbow’ baby.”
“He came after several failed pregnancies that lasted for years.”
“When they found out that my nephew was included in the no children rule; they tried to convince me to make an exception for him.”
“Chris told me his son is a miracle baby and his presence at the wedding will bring ‘blessings’ for me and my fiancée.”
“I refused and said no, the wedding is childfree.”
“His wife kept sending my fiancée pics of my nephew when he was months old (what that mean??).”
“I told them no, and to stop.”
“My brother told me this might cause a rift in our relationship, I again said no and explained that the wedding is childfree.”
“He asked again and pointed out how his baby is different since he’s a rainbow, a miracle baby.”
“I again said no and explained that the wedding is childfree.”
“They brought it up when they visited at my home and I knew they weren’t going to stop so I’d made flash cards in advance with the phrase ‘the wedding is childfree, period.'”
“And pulled them out and started slowly showing them the flash cards one by one in this order…”
“The wedding (with a sticker of bride and groom).”
“Is Child (with a sticker of a baby).”
“FREEE (with a sticker of a 🚫 sign).”
“PERIOD (with a huge, black dot sticker).”
“They both were stunned.”
“I asked if they get it now and Chris had lost his s**t.”
“His wife had already grabbed her stuff and walked out.”
“Chris called me an a**hole for doing this and said that I disrespected him, his wife and their son who’s my one and only nephew.”
“He rushed out after we argued.”
“My fiancée saw the whole thing and thought that it was funny but my parents and Chris are livid beyond measure.”
“They’re telling everyone about the amount of disrespect and mockery I had displayed towards them and I’m being told to ‘fix it’ now.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Well, I suppose you could have used hand puppets instead, but flashcards seem to have gotten the message across.”
“It makes me insane how some parents think their little bundle of joy should be allowed anywhere, anyway, anytime and that no never applies to them.”
“It’s pretty clear they were going to run this horse right up to the altar. NTA.” ~ Dipping_My_Toes
“Look, OP, I’m infertile.”
“I wanted kids all my life, me and hubby tried for years, it will never happen.”
“Trying almost killed me, so I had to choose: keep trying and die, or stop.”
“I would have LOVED to help hold the flashcards for you!!!”
“Hell, I would have gone full blown interpretative dance for you, if that is what it took to get it through their thick skulls that the wedding is gonna be childfree.”
“It’s YOUR wedding, YOUR rules.”
“NTA, at all.”
“Yes, after all the pain and struggle they went through, after all the losses they suffered, your nephew is a miracle.”
“But so is every child that is born.”
“And every child can also be an annoying little s**t that gets cranky and tired and bored when adults are doing boring adult things like weddings.”
“It doesn’t make you an a**hole to not want cranky toddlers at your wedding having meltdowns.”
“And it doesn’t make you a bad uncle to save your nephew from the meltdowns.”
“Nor a bad brother to give brother and S[ister] I[n] L[aw] a f**king night off away from their 3 year old.”
“If he was only 3 months, and you were getting p**y because they wouldn’t come without him, then yeah, you would be a bit of an a**hole.”
“But he’s 3 years old.”
“He can handle a babysitter watching him.”
“Heaven help the child when he starts school.” ~ Fabulous-Ad-5284
“I am dying of laughter that after getting the no, the parents started sending baby pictures like that would turn the tide.”
“These people have genuinely LOST THE PLOT.”
“Babies are cute, we know this, but no one is that gaga over someone else’s kid.”
“My daughter was an adorable baby.”
“Keeping people from touching her chunky cheeks when we were out and about was a full time occupation.”
“She even won a full month of free diapers in a Cute Baby Contest (don’t judge, lol. Free stuff is awesome).”
“As cute as she was/is, I didn’t go out waving her around like a backstage VIP pass.”
“We’re bonkers over our OWN babies so that we keep them alive even when they drive us nuts.”
“The cuteness bubble extends no further, lol.” ~ thegreatmei
“My sister gets called a miracle baby because mom found out she was pregnant literally hours before they were about to hop in the car to go sign adoption paperwork for a child.”
“They tried I[n] V[itro] F[ertilization] for 15 years before she was born.”
“Mom went thru hell on her body to try to conceive but never once had she ever used that as a reason to bring my sister anywhere she was not allowed as a kid.”
“We actually go to plenty of adults only weddings and my parents always hired a babysitter.”
“I don’t get why this couple thinks their child is entitled to go to a wedding that is NOT their wedding.”
“It’s not about the couple, it’s about OP and his partner!”
“Why would you ever insist on bringing YOUR child to a wedding and insist an exception be made just for your kid to an event that isn’t even about you!?”
“I just don’t get it at all.” ~ fantasticgenius
“OP’s brother and sister-in-law are going to be a pain in the ass everywhere they go for the foreseeable future.”
“I can understand if people have struggled to have a child and feel like their living, healthy child is a ‘miracle.'”
“I don’t mind if they say so, even if they say it repeatedly.”
“But there’s something twisted about making ‘rainbow baby’ this kid’s whole identity.”
“‘Oh, our baby will bring you blessings, because he’s a rainbow baby!'”
“He’s just a kid.”
“He’s not a whole different kind of kid.”
“He’s not a magic kid.”
“And he’s three; he’s not a baby anymore.”
“It’s about time his parents grew up. NTA.” ~ AfterSevenYears
“Haha. I mean I don’t know about you but I have always felt interpretive dance accurately portrays my points.”
“Honestly though, the fact that both the brother/SIL and OP’s parents are angry speaks volume about how they all thought that nephew was going to be the exception to the rule.”
“I think OP needs to have a serious conversation with his parents about how his brother was crossing a line with him and also his fiancée by trying to guilt her into bending is important.”
“If they continue to be angry about it then he can give them a choice, either stop talking about it or not go.”
“Then for Brother and SIL just flat out give them the choice, if they want to attend then nephew is not invited but as such they are within their rights to stay home.”
“S**t or get off the pot, is my idea.”
“Don’t let these people drag this out and ruin the wedding planning process for OP and his fiancée.”
“NTA. And the funniest thing I have seen in a while.” ~ Choice_Werewolf1259
“I don’t understand how people feel that way about their kids.”
“Like, I love my daughter, she’s rad.”
“But you know what?”
“She’s also an annoying little s**t sometimes lol.”
“And while I love her to bits, she’s certainly not special lol.”
“She’s a kid like millions of other kids out there.”
“Being a parent is nice, but it’s weird that people make it a personality trait.” ~ Last_Fact_3044
“This happened to my wife and I.”
“We were very clear from the start there were to be no kids.”
“We checked with everyone who had kids that they understood, and they all agreed.”
“We even arranged for a sitter (a close friend of ours who’s an experienced babysitter with a degree in early childhood education) to watch the kids at my parent’s house during the wedding.”
“So they could be somewhere they were comfortable (my cousins were the only ones to bring their kids to town with them) and to come to the rehearsal so they could all meet before hand.”
“Come the day of the wedding, I get a call from the sitter on my way to the venue asking when the kids will arrive.”
“I’m confused because the kids should never have left, but they insist there are no kids to be found.”
“Sure enough, when I arrive there’s a bunch of toddlers in the front row wearing miniature dresses and suits.”
“Took most of an hour and a rift that still hasn’t been forgiven six years later for them to agree to kids only being at the reception, instead of the whole time.”
“Be sure you have a plan for when they try to ignore what you say and do their own thing anyways.” ~ KevinJohn1900
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Your wedding, your rules.
Standing your ground is important.
And it’s your and your bride’s special day.
Good luck.
And congratulations.