Weddings are meant to celebrate family, old and new.
If someone is excluded, it’s usually due to petty family drama or turmoil.
But sometimes, the issues run deeper.
Case in point…
Redditor Comfortable_Ease_536 to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not bending to my fiancé’s parents and changing my best man and groomsmen?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve known my best friends (who are married gay couple) since we were in middle school, and I pretty much raised my baby brother after my dad and stepmom died when he was 5 and I was 23.”
“So when me and my fiancé decided to get married, of course, I picked them as my groomsmen and my brother as my best man.”
“My fiancé’s family was kinda old school, which was ok because they weren’t ‘that bad.'”
“I guess her parents didn’t know until recently that my best friends are a gay couple or that my little brother is bi.”
“They started making a big stink about them being in their daughter’s wedding and letting my brother bring his boyfriend.”
“At first, my fiancé was with me in telling them no and trying to get them to drop it.”
“Recently, they started threatening her about not coming and saying it would be an embarrassment to her family.”
“She’s been extremely upset about it and she started asking me maybe I could possibly change my mind.”
“I told her no, and if her parents didn’t come, it’d still be ok.”
“Even still, she’s been getting more frantic about it.”
“We got into a big argument over the weekend about it, and she goes on about how they could still be there, just not as prominent.”
“Saying that my brother is 15, and any regular teenager wouldn’t have a plus one anyways.”
“I quickly shut that down, and I yelled at her that I wasn’t going to exclude my loved ones like that to appease her folks.”
“She yells at me for being unfair, knowing how close she is with her folks.”
“I told her if she asked again, I’d call off the wedding.”
“Since then, it’s been kinda awkward, and we haven’t spoken much.”
“My best friends think if I really want to be with her, maybe I should give a little, but her brother thinks I should get her to really stand up to their parents.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared everyone was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA. But that is one wedding that needs to be called off ASAP.”
“You guys are definitely not on the same page.”
“Why would you want to marry a homophobe?”
“Your fiancé may not have shown homophobic tendencies before, but she sure is now.” ~ FragrantEconomist386
“OP you may love her, but she is beholden to her family.”
“You will always be 2nd place, and it’s not fun.”
“It is frustrating… I know from experience.”
“Think about it, you are having the holidays at your home.”
“Can’t have your friends there with the in-laws.”
“Oh my… when the baby comes…. your brother will be an evil influence on the little one.”
“Got to keep him away. And so on.”
“Only you can decide if it is worth LOVE.”
“Good luck with the rest of your life.” ~ bishopredline
“So true! And it’s easy to wave this off when you’re young and in love, and the world is your oyster.”
“But as the years and decades start to stack, it can really wear on you and your love for your significant other, especially if they waffle or aren’t in agreement on how to handle things.”
“Even if they ARE in agreement with you, it’s still stress around every major family event, holiday, wedding, funeral, birthday etc.”
“There’s just always some s**t.” ~ mjot_007
“OP, your fiancé is a fence sitter, and that for me is as bad as being a homophobe.”
“When you pander to oppressors, you uphold the oppression and bigotry.”
“You have to now decide who you want to be. Can you really stay in love with someone who refuses to stand up for their beliefs?”
“What other situations will she fail to have your back?”
“What will it take for her to develop a backbone?”
“Can you live by compromising your beliefs?”
“Because that’s what you’ll be doing by going through this wedding.” ~ ImplementNeither7982
“Forget the drama. What happens if they have a gay kid?”
“What happens if any gay person comes into their lives at all?”
“Even now, and they have a kid, and the grandparents are over. Can OP’s brother not come over if the grandparents are visiting?”
“If the brother ends up marrying a guy, can he just never be around his wife’s family?”
“It’s not drama. It’s who they are.”
“As they are, OP can’t have them in his life simply because of three of the people closest to him in life, and expecting him to lessen their place in his life is insane.” ~ letstrythisagain30
“THIS THIS THIS!!!!”
“If you go into this marriage, every disagreement will be you vs. her AND her family.”
“There will never be a disagreement with just her ever again.”
“Anything her family doesn’t like, she won’t be okay with.”
“Do you think your wife will suddenly stand up to her parents once you’re married? Why?”
“I’ve been in this relationship before.”
“It’s exhausting, and every wrong move you make gets criticized by everyone in her family, and you’re constantly having the same battles and arguments over and over. “
“It’s awful. Don’t do this, dude. NTA!” ~ Diatain
“I have no idea of if or how many fights or disagreements my son and D[aughter] I[n] L[aw] have had.”
“My opinion does not matter when it comes to their relationship, and my son would never ask me to pick sides in their relationship, nor would I.”
“It doesn’t matter how her parents feel about OP’s family.”
“Bottom line OP’s groomsmen’s sexuality is none of their business.” ~ itisallbsbsbs
“NTA. Shut it down.”
“You don’t want to marry a homophobe.”
“I’m so sorry, it must be heartbreaking to find out the person you love is incapable of loving themselves.”
“You don’t want her hateful family around yours, it needlessly would traumatize the people you care for.”
“You deserve someone who loves you and your family for who you are.” ~ HighlyImprobable42
“I don’t know if they need to call it off, but they certainly need to have a sit-down and calmly talk about everything.”
“If I was OP, I would put the ball in her court and say ‘This is a hill I will die on. So I want you to take a little time and calmly think about whether appeasing your parents is a hill you will die on. My brother and my friends will be at my wedding. You need to decide if my wedding will include you.’ NTA.” ~ pcnauta
“Yes, this plus people tend to forget weddings are not only about the bride.”
“The groom is just as important and gets a say in the wedding. NTA.” ~ spicypersona71
“NTA. If she’s like this now, just imagine how she will be after the wedding.”
“She’ll always put her parents first in your relationship.” ~ RainbowsandCoffee966
“Seriously, I’ve got several friends on all ends of the sexuality and gender spectrums and if my husband had made a stink about any of them being at our wedding, I’d have dumped him on the spot”
“I am not willing to share my life with a homophobe or someone who enables homophobia (which is a long way of saying homophobe).” ~ bibliophile14
“This is harsh but true.”
“You are not excluding her parents.”
“They are telling her they would rather miss their daughter’s wedding than see gay people in the wedding party and SHE THINKS THATS OK.”
“Your position is ‘all of our loved ones should be there to celebrate our union.’ she is going with her parent’s stance of ‘only a certain kind of person is acceptable.'”
“I don’t generally agree with the Reddit stance of ‘red flag, break up’ but this is your brother that you raised.”
“They’re asking you to tell him he isn’t good enough to be the best man.”
“You can’t go along with that. If your fiancé can see that she was wrong, apologize, and tell her parents to drop it, then great, get married.”
“If not, please don’t exclude your brother, for whom you are the primary adult in his life.” ~ Frellie53
“I wouldn’t necessarily call her a homophobe, it doesn’t seem like she has a problem with them at all more so she has no spine and is a coward and honestly downright pathetic not to have the gall to tell her parents they’re the embarrassment.”
“It’s very easy to turn something like this back on the haters to begin with and make them out to be idiots because they will always play the part when you actually question them, and start squawking about their ‘good Christian beliefs’ my favorite is the low grin like you’re trying to hide your laugh, the crazy ones square up to you then wanting to hit you.” ~ alaynamul
“NTA, she grows a backbone and stands up to her parents, or there’s no wedding.”
“People shouldn’t go back into the closet to appease homophobes and bigots; your friends and brother have just as much of a right to be there as her parents, and as they are the ones making a fuss, they shouldn’t go.” ~ ashyjay
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. It’s your wedding, too.
You’re allowed to have your loved ones stand beside you on your day.
Other people’s prejudices are not your concern.