Throwing off the wedding guest count can cause extreme chaos.
It can be something that stirs up a lot of stress for newlyweds.
If a number increases or decreases, people need to be informed!
There is only so much food, booze, and space to go around.
Case in point…
Redditor SignificanceMany1470 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my in-laws it was on them to explain to their guests why there weren’t any places for them at my wedding reception?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I married my husband last weekend after about a year of planning.”
“The ceremony went off perfectly, even with kids in the church.”
“The formal photos weren’t delayed.”
“No one got drunk and wrecked anything.”
“No one insisted on bringing their emotional support goat.”
“The only hitch was that my in-laws invited about ten extra people without telling us.”
“Not relatives or anything.”
“Just friends of theirs we did not invite since we don’t know them.”
“I did not notice them at the ceremony and it wasn’t until the reception that there were issues.”
“There was no seating for them.”
“Our best man and groomsmen found a folding table and chairs for them to sit at.”
“There was food, we went with a buffet, but since we sent the tables to eat by number and they didn’t have a number they were sent last after everything had been picked over.”
“My in-laws were embarrassed that their friends were being treated that way.”
“I, very politely, asked them what they expected when they invited people without telling the people planning and paying for the wedding?”
“They said we needed to go apologize for their treatment.”
“I said I would but I would also explain that they had not actually been invited.”
“If they wanted their guests told anything else, then they had to go explain.”
“They are upset with me.”
“My husband has my back 100%.”
“I think I could have been more gracious, but I also think it should not have fallen on us to deal with it.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So, am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Who the f**k invites ten (!) extra people to a wedding on their own initiative????”
“NTA and WTF?!?!”
“But question your buffet sent tables by number?”
“Was that more of a crowd control thing?”
“I just ask because every wedding/bar mitzvah buffet I’ve been to was just ‘it’s open, go get on line.'” ~ FritosRule
“Also… do you really want to risk running out of food with an extra ten mouths to feed?”
“I’d have instituted a table policy number last minute if I needed to.”
“It appears they almost did because it was being ‘picked over’ by the time they got to the extra people.”
“So f**king bizarre to me to invite people to someone else’s event, but I can’t say I haven’t experienced something similar (guests inviting their friends/family to my house without asking me).” ~ b0w3n
“If the husband’s family is anything like MY family, then it’s because no one listens to him, and they’ll argue and argue and argue until someone gives in or is crying in the corner.”
“If I’m the one to tell my family ‘no’ then they’ll find ways to work around my no and still get what they want.”
“If my husband tells them ‘no’ then no one argues with him, and it’s just accepted as a no and everyone moves on.”
“Sometimes it’s just easier to let him handle it.” ~ ruffianradfoot
“I think the general rule is you handle your own family, but sometimes I step in because sibling dynamics mean my partner sometimes either needs a hand or it just costs me a lot less to step in and do it.”
“Older brother who practically raised all the siblings is much more likely to accept what I say than any of the younger ones, including my S[ignificant] O[ther].” ~ tomtomclubthumb
“OP, congrats on the nuptials!”
“The 10 extra people knew very well that they didn’t receive Save the Date cards or an invitation actually inviting them.”
“The accommodations you pulled together at the last minute pretty much said: you weren’t invited, we weren’t expecting you, please confer with Mr and Mrs Rude Inlaws. NTA.” ~ OkExternal7904
“NTA. You played this whole dumb game absolutely correctly.”
“I’d have done the same thing.”
“‘Ok In In-Laws but if I go over there I’m going to say I’m sorry we weren’t prepared for you but In-Laws invited you on their own without even mentioning it to us, so we didn’t know you were coming.'”
“‘Good thing we found a table and decided to go buffet style instead of ordering meals per person!'”
“‘Thanks for coming, enjoy!’ 😆.'” ~ thaliagorgon
“INFO: Is there any possible cultural difference that might have made this seem OK?”
“I ask because I know that some Filipinos (not all: it’s a diverse place) have an expectation that you will bring extras to make the party bigger and better as a good luck thing.”
“That said, unless you and your husband both knew this was a possibility (in which case it would have been actively planned for), there is still no excuse.”
“NTA. Husband should take over any and all communications on this issue.” ~ Prudent_Plan_6451
“NTA. I was at a family wedding once, people who knew other non-family members were not invited.”
“They looked at us siblings and first cousins of the person getting married chuffed that they could not have OUR table.”
“They tried to sit down while we were on our assigned time to get food.”
“We pointed at the assigned seating sign on the table.”
“Lol, we carried on like we didn’t see them glaring at us from a safe distance.”
“The audacity of people.” ~ terdferguson
“Your in-laws are, of course, entirely out of line and are the assholes here.”
“But the people they invited are also a**holes for even showing up!”
“They did not receive an actual invite.”
“Is this their first day on Earth?”
“Do they not know how weddings work?”
“They didn’t think it was odd that their ‘invitation’ was a verbal one from the groom’s parents, and not a physical paper one sent in the mail by the couple? NTA.” ~ Old-Smokey-42069
“NTA. Not only did we invite 10 strangers, but you needed to drop everything and during your wedding reception (it’s not like you’re stressed or doing anything else) and apologize to these freeloaders that they had to go to the buffet line last. NOPE!!!”
“You should think about inviting strangers over to their house next time they have a gathering.” ~ catskilkid
“NTA at all!”
“Wow, the entitlement of your in-laws is amazing.”
“Who invites a bunch of extras to a wedding then gets upset they had no food or place to sit?”
“You don’t owe anyone an apology.” ~ ExcitingEvidence8815
“NTA. I don’t see how you could have been more gracious.”
“Letting them know that you had no idea they were coming would have explained why they were at a hastily placed table and last to the buffet.”
“This is all on your in-laws, and now you need to be watching for future similar behavior and nip it in the bud.”
“Hoping not to see ‘AITA for disbanding in-laws’ surprise baby-welcoming party at our home that I was expected to host when we arrived with a newborn from the hospital?'” ~ T_G_A_HNTA.
“And that was an outstanding play on your part.”
“You let them know, in no uncertain terms, that they created this situation and that it’s their responsibility to smooth over.”
“They f**ked the dog.”
“The puppies are theirs.” ~ chaingun_samurai
“If anything I would apologize to the friends for their not having a table to sit at (initially) and having to go last to the buffet, but that is because neither you nor spouse were aware that they had been invited by in-laws and you hadn’t anticipated any additional guests.”
“This way, you get to control the narrative instead of In-Laws throwing you under the bus and making you look bad instead of admitting their faux pas.”
“They probably sent gifts/cards so you apologizing for inlaws bad behavior makes inlaws guilty of humiliating both their uninvited guests and the happy couple.” ~ cyn507
“NTA. Your in-laws were well out of order for doing that.”
“You were right, it was up to them to explain why there were no seats and why they ended up with the scraps at the end of the buffet.” ~ theitguy1968
“NTA, and why on Earth would people just show up at a reception without having received the formal invite?”
“Your inlaws created this so it was their problem to fix.”
“I might have said something to the effect; I hope you had a good time. Sorry about the accommodations, we had no idea you were coming.” ~ many_hobbies_gal
“NTA. Your in-laws owe you an apology.”
“The people who came without receiving an official invite from you or at least checking with you owe you an apology.” ~ yachtiewannabe
“This is the response I was looking for!”
“OP, don’t apologize to the in-laws.”
“Your ILs owe you an apology – demand it – and they also owe you a big thank you for being so gracious and not kicking the extras out of your wedding.”
“If you bow down now, it will set a precedent that will ensure they continue this pattern of insane behavior.”
“Those friends should be mortified – they didn’t receive a formal invite. They turned up and should have left when there was no space for them.”
“Were they born yesterday that they didn’t notice they were uninvited guests?!”
“I hope they got you pricy gifts.”
“Also no matter what, do not send them thank-you notes.”
“that’s also on the in-laws.”
“They are very lucky to have you as a F[ather] I[n] L[aw].”
“Any other bride may have kicked them and their guests out and gone no contact.” ~ kiwi-sparkle
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your in-laws should’ve spoken up sooner.
It’s on them to properly apologize.
Congrats on the nuptials.