Taste is such a personal decision.
Whether we’re talking about fashion or food, the things we like are as personal as our fingerprints.
So, does personal autonomy excuse us from the responsibility of caring for ourselves?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwaway3546364738 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for hiding vegetables in my boyfriend’s food?“
OP started with a quick introduction.
“This is the most ridiculous argument I’ve had with a grown man.”
“I (28f) have been with my boyfriend (36f) for a year, and we moved in together about four months ago.”
“One of the first things I noticed about my boyfriend was that he never really ate vegetables.”
“He would sometimes eat them if we were out at a restaurant, and they came as part of his meal.”
“But he never ate them when I cooked for him.”
“Originally, I thought that maybe my cooking was the problem, so I asked him if he enjoyed my food, and he told me he loves my cooking.”
“On nights I didn’t cook for him, he ate exclusively frozen foods and never ate the vegetables in those either.”
“Naturally, he has some health issues.”
“Vitamin deficiencies etc., he had phrased it to me as if he was somehow just genetically unlucky.”
“I believed it for a while bc idk how that stuff works, but eventually it became clear to me it’s because he voluntarily eats a vegetable like once a month.”
She took steps to correct his eating habits.
“6 months ago, I started hiding vegetables in my cooking.”
“If I was making pasta, I’d put the vegetables in I’d usually put in for myself, then take half out and blend it so he wouldn’t notice the vegetable chunks and then tell him I’d just scooped the veg out of his portion.”
“This happens more often now we live together because I do all of the cooking.”
“He’s been telling me a lot lately he’s been feeling a lot better the past few months and has even had his doctor reduce the dosage of some of his medications, and he hasn’t had to take his multivitamin in weeks.”
“I kept my mouth shut because I’m just glad he’s feeling better, and it really does me no harm to hide the veg in his food.”
“Yesterday, I was making one of our regular pasta meals (it’s one that’s very easy to hide at least four veggies in), and I was about to blend my boyfriend’s portion when the blender died mid-blend.” I had to serve it in all its veg chunk glory.”
“My boyfriend refused to eat the vegetables, but when he tasted the sauce, he said it’s weird how it tastes the exact same even though this one has veg in it.”
“So, I confessed.”
“He screamed at me and called me a controlling b*tch and said that it’s none of my business if he thinks vegetables don’t do anything.”
“I pointed out he said he felt better. He said his health was none of my business and that I’m a controlling, judgey AH and stormed out of our apartment to stay with his sister.”
“His sister texted me to say he’s fine, but she agrees with him. My friends agree it’s ridiculous that he didn’t eat veg but agree I’m being an AH.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Commenters came for OP’s boyfriend.
“The things women will do for men who literally just don’t care is just embarrassing at some points.”
“As a member of the species, STOP.”
“He’s not a dog that needs his tick antibiotics rolled up a dozen layers of Swiss cheese coated in peanut butter.”
“You’re literally battling a grown man and leading a whole @ss double life to get him to eat his vegetables.”
“Please, do yourself a favor and find a guy that can handle a little broccoli once a week.” ~ c-o-n-s-t-a-n-c-e
“What kind of grown man doesn’t eat vegetables? I’m sure his poop sucks.”
“Get a new bf.” ~ Talkinginmy_sleep
“He just doesn’t think they do anything, y’know?”
“I just don’t think this is something OP needs to bother dealing with.”
“He’s 36 years old and won’t eat vegetables – there’s been plenty of time in there to try and address that issue, but this guy doesn’t want to.”
“Why bother with someone who won’t look after themselves?”
“I’m presuming he lies to the doctor when asked simple questions about his diet – because nutrition would likely be the first thing they try to address here.” ~ runforitmarty85
“Sorry, but he should rightfully go on the reject pile for OP and every other woman.”
“A man who cannot be an adult for himself and eat things that do him good is a self-sabotaging and HER-SABOTAGING a**hole unfit for partnership.”
“I don’t know why some people act like self-harm is some sort of virtue. It is not. It is stupidity and stubbornness in all of its glory, and this was but one symptom of a much bigger problem.”
“He is unable to adapt and evolve as a human. He is unable to adult himself and learn new things.”
“He is unable to take responsibility for his own health or his own cooking. He ate junk and thinks that is somehow as it should be.”
“Anyone dating such a person should save themselves years of heartbreak and move on.” ~ Professional_Bus861
Some shared their own opinions on food.
“You are NTA in any way, and I don’t care what anyone says. I admittedly was the same way till my girlfriend kinda got me to start. I’ve felt much better afterward and just Yea.”
“I will straight up fight someone over having to eat that nasty hell food lol”
“If he’s gonna be a crybaby about it, he can cook his food, and you can cook yours. That way, he can ‘control what he’s putting in his body as another comment said” ~ TrashMord
“Yeah I’m currently trying to branch out more as well (except cauliflower, that vile plant can burn in hell).”
“I do quite like peppers even started eating raw slices with hummus at a party a few months ago was quite proud of myself for that lmao” ~ rstar345
“I tried spaghetti squash as a substitute for noodles, and it always disappointed me.”
“But when I treated it like a vegetable and added butter and garlic instead, it was delightful.”
“Roasted first and then sauteed with other veg; it was terrific, too.” ~ TRex65
Not everyone felt that OP was in the clear.
“ESH because as much as I agree w you, you don’t get to lie to someone’s face just because you think they should eat differently. Body autonomy doesn’t end in food.”
“I will say tho, why are you with someone who you feel like you have to use child tactics on?”
“Blending vegetables was the first step in getting my brother to eat them. My brother is 11.”
“Ladies, please. If you find yourself doing sh*t like this in a relationship, question your relationship.” ~Queen_of_skys
“You shouldn’t be treating him like a toddler who won’t eat his vegetables by hiding them in his food.”
“He has put you into a mother role, and you have accepted it and are playing along.”
“This is not a partnership. His eating habits are clearly ridiculous to the point he is making himself sick and won’t accept basic medical knowledge about nutrition.”
“You can’t help him if he won’t let you help him.”
“You need to leave him to his own devices, and I do mean leave him. He is going to make himself chronically and serious ill, and you are going to be stuck as caretaker for his self-inflicted wounds.”
“It is a financial, physical, and emotional burden he is setting you up to carry. Get out while you can.” ~ MediumAlternative372
“There are SO MANY nuances here…”
“I have IBS and have been put on a low fodmap diet.”
“Until I was diagnosed, I just felt lots of resistance to some foods (partially fueled by SPD too), which no one else understood and kept insisting on.”
“If you had done this to me, you would have made me rather unwell.”
“The fact that he feels better is good, but if you were my SO, introducing your dietary choices into my body and lying about it would be quite a deal breaker.”
“I understand that if you are in a partnership, the health of one another affects each other, but he has bodily autonomy as do you.”
“And that includes making sh*tty decisions… if he is unwilling to change, then you have to make your own decision based on that – it would be VERY fair not to want to have a liability in your hands.”
“Your bf is giving Sensory Processing Disorder vibes, by the way, and doing the straight dude vibes thing where he does minimum effort (meds in this case) for his health.”
“If you continue to be in touch after this, I would mention it to him cause SPD is typically what makes fussy eaters.”
“Your strategy of blending things in is actually a good one.”
“While he is being the typical straight dude, I do not agree with your choice of lying and making a choice for him.”
“To me, everyone sounds a bit A-holey here, to be honest.” ~ Anchovyonwheels
We talk a lot about boundaries here.
Boundaries are a vital part of every healthy relationship and should be honored, of course.
At what point does the damage done by that boundary outweigh the damage of intervention?