Let's be real: there is nothing wrong with a person having a best friend of the opposite sex, of a different sexual orientation, or anything else.
What is important is that a person practices appropriate boundaries that they, their best friend, and their romantic partner can be comfortable with, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor throw-away-2354 had never had a problem with his girlfriend's male best friend. In fact, he was deeply in love with his girlfriend and always felt like her best friend respected him.
So when the Original Poster (OP) walked in on his girlfriend in bed with her best friend, after weeks of her acting strange, he was nothing short of totally and completely shocked.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for kicking my girlfriend out of my house after I found out she cheated with her male best friend?"
The OP had an amazing relationship with his girlfriend for almost three years.
"I (25 Male) met my girlfriend (24 Female) almost three years ago at a mutual friend's game night."
"We bonded over our shared love of board games and long walks, and everything just clicked. It felt like I'd found someone who really understood me; she was kind, funny, and supportive."
"We started dating not long after that night, and things moved pretty quickly. Within six months, we were spending nearly every weekend together, and after a year, I asked her if she would move in with me, and she agreed."
"Life was good; she was everything I thought I wanted in a partner. We spent evenings cooking together, binge-watching shows, and talking about the future: getting a pet, maybe even traveling abroad for a few months once we saved up enough."
"I genuinely thought she might be the one I'd end up marrying."
But their relationship had recently begun to go downhill.
"But in the past few months, things started feeling different. She seemed distant, often distracted during our conversations, and she started spending a lot more time with her best friend, John (26 Male)."
"Now, I never had an issue with John; they'd known each other for years, and he was always respectful toward me. He was the kind of friend you wouldn't think twice about."
"But lately, she was always at his place, or he'd drop by late at night when I was working my night shifts. I started feeling like a third wheel in my own relationship."
"I tried bringing it up a couple of times, asking if everything was okay between us, and she'd reassure me that I was overthinking. She'd say that John was like a brother to her, that they'd been through a lot together before she met me, and that it was nothing more than friendship."
"I wanted to believe her, so I let it go."
But then the OP discovered what had been so off about their relationship.
"Last week, I had a long night shift at work, and I called her before I left to let her know I'd be working late and that she shouldn't wait up."
"She sounded a little off but told me she'd probably just have a quiet night in. I thought nothing of it."
"But as it turned out, I managed to finish my work earlier than expected. I figured I'd surprise her and spend some extra time together in the morning. I even picked up breakfast from her favorite bakery on the way home, hoping it'd be a nice way to start the day."
"When I got home, though, I noticed John's car parked outside. My heart sank a little. I hadn't expected anyone to be there, especially that late. But I tried to stay calm, thinking that maybe he just needed to crash for the night."
The OP was shocked by what he discovered.
"I quietly let myself in, not wanting to wake them if they were sleeping on the couch or something."
"But as I walked down the hallway towards my bedroom, I heard voices: her voice and John's, followed by muffled laughter. I pushed the door open, and there they were: together in bed, caught completely off guard by me standing there."
"The look on her face was pure shock, like she never expected me to be there."
"John scrambled to grab his clothes, mumbling something I didn't even catch, while my girlfriend started crying, pleading for me to let her explain."
"But I couldn't even process what I was seeing. I felt like my whole world had just fallen apart."
The discovery was an immediate dealbreaker for the OP.
"I told them both to get out. John rushed out, and she followed me down the hall, begging me to stay and talk."
"I drove around for hours, trying to make sense of everything. When I eventually went back to my house to grab a few things, she was still there, sobbing and trying to convince me that it was a mistake."
"But I just couldn't hear it. I told her it was over and that she needed to leave my house."
"Now, she's been calling and texting constantly, saying she's sorry and that she still loves me. But I can't shake the image of them together, and I don't know if I can ever trust her again."
"Some of our mutual friends are saying that I overreacted, that I should have stayed and let her explain before kicking her out, especially since we were together for so long. They think I might have thrown away a good relationship over one bad mistake."
"But honestly, I don't think I could have stayed calm enough to hear her out."
"So, AITAH for kicking my girlfriend out?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some sided with the OP and said that cheating was not a "mistake" or "accident."
"NTA. Cheating is not a mistake. She made a conscious choice to cheat." - Lindensorry
"She had sex with her 'best friend' countless times for months. It wasn't a mistake, it is what she wanted." - Emptylord98
"If it was a one-off mistake, then the whole situation doesn't sit well with that idea. She acted off when he said he was working late, called her affair partner over, and they were chilling and giggling in bed."
"None of that shouts one-off mistake to me!" - Square-Dimension1528
"NTA."
"By the way, your girlfriend (or soon-to-be-ex, I hope) is only sorry that she got caught cheating on you, NOT for actually doing the deed and at the same time breaking your heart and trust."
"Your friends suck, OP, so be sure to ask if they would be telling you, you're wrong had they been cheated on?" - Narrow_Guava_6234
"NTA, OP."
"I don't get John's point of view, though. You're sleeping with your friend who is in a relationship, and you both get caught. And she begs to stay in the original relationship? Doesn't that mean she didn't choose you? Instead she chose OP, and how does that work in a cheating scenario?"
"Both guys should definitely bounce. I really don't understand the 'it was a mistake; I'm sorry' bit. You didn't like your partner enough, why would you stay with them? Status quo? Security? Laziness to find a new place to live? I guess all valid reasons." - HungryPupcake
Others pointed out that it's easier to discuss forgiving cheating than to actually forgive it.
"You already know the answer. NTA. Anyone who disagrees, tell them that you look forward to them forgiving and taking back their exes when they get cheated on." - Lazy-Wind244
"For real, what are with these s**tty friends that think that a partner should forgive a cheater? Projecting bast**ds, they are hardly friends."
"I say flame the ex and John on social media, don't let them hide and get off scot-free, burn their a**es, and move on to something better. I hate people who cheat."
"Also, by 'flame them,' I mean tag the parents, the siblings, the employers, every d**ned person in their lives that are involved with them that might be interested in their character. Or lack thereof." - Forerunner93
"OP should put anyone disagreeing on the spot and ask them for detailed elaboration on what would be acceptable."
"Do they believe it was just one mistake?"
"What do they personally think is the line between a mistake and unforgivable betrayal is? Just the tip? One round? A four-hour f**kfest?"
"Is it okay because she felt bad while giving you over-enthusiastic sloppy seconds at some point in the week his little swimmers were still wandering around inside her after any given time they f**ked in your house?"
"Can they provide evidence it wasn't the whole relationship in defense of her?"
"Maybe they're so sure this was a single mistake that you interrupted the very start of and they will personally put $1000 on the line for her to take and pass a polygraph test?" - Prudii-Skirata
"The people who suggested that the OP forgive his ex-girlfriend's behavior aren't friends, and I bet they all knew, so that's why they have this reaction. OP was the poor sucker who knew last." - hin_inc
"How the f**k is ending a relationship after catching your girlfriend/boyfriend in YOUR house having sex with someone else in YOUR BED an overreaction?"
"How is that considered thrown a good relationship? A mistake? I'm pretty sure she made that mistake a couple of times for months!"
"OP, get rid of her and those s**tty friends too. Find friends with decency and morals. Don't forget, you heard her laughing when you entered the house. She wasn't crying that she loved you or that she was sorry, only when she realized she had been caught."
"NTA." - Cautious-Flow5918
The subReddit deeply empathized with the OP's situation and could not believe that he had any friends encouraging him to reconsider his reaction to finding his girlfriend in bed with anyone, let alone the person she claimed was "like a brother" and who he had come to trust.
Whether this affair was a long-term thing or not, it was clearly time for the OP's ex to explore her feelings with John and for the OP to find someone who respected him enough to date him and him alone.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.