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Guy Feels Guilty After Being Called ‘Disloyal’ For Buying House Without Telling His Realtor Mom First

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Buying a home should be one of life’s best experiences.

A new home.

A new life.

A new beginning.

So it’s unfortunate when someone comes along to stir the pot when house hunting.

Case in point…

Redditor Tx_lawstudent2021 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not telling realtor MIL that I bought a house?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Husband 34 (M[ale) and I (28 F[emale]) decided we were ready to buy a house last summer.”

“M[other] I[n] L[aw] is a big-time realtor in our area, so we asked her to help us find our first home.”

“The money for the down payment came from our savings and from our F[ather] I[n] L[aw]. He divorced MIL and is now remarried)”

“From the beginning, we made it clear we wanted a move-in-ready house and told her we only had the summer to look for the house before classes started (I am a law school student).”

“MIL was adamant we should buy an old house to renovate and refused to show us any houses she didn’t approve of.”

“After three frustrating months, we signed an apartment lease and called the house search off.”

“Her response was, ‘Oh, I didn’t think you were serious about the deadline.'”

“This past summer, we decided to give the house search another go.”

“Even though our interest rate was higher and there weren’t nearly as many houses available, a friend who is a realtor worked diligently to help us find a house.”

“And after a month, 15 showings, and three offers, we had our house.”

“A week before our closing day, we went to dinner with MIL to tell her about the house.”

“She went off on us about how we made a bad purchase and tried to talk us out of buying the house.”

“We refused, and she sent my husband a long text telling him he was a disloyal son and said she never wants to talk to us again.”

“We are very happy in our new home, but this is putting a black cloud over what is supposed to be a happy occasion.”

“So, AITA for not telling her because we worried she would talk us out of it?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. This is exactly why family and business don’t mix.”

“When you hired MIL.”

“She wasn’t acting like a professional.”

“She was acting like an overbearing mother.”

“Her inability to do her job is the only reason you needed to hire someone else.”

“Now she is expecting you to chase her and grovel.”

“Don’t do it.”

“Just drop the rope and let her have her tantrum alone.”

“This situation is a family issue.”

“MIL decided what type of house her son should buy.”

“She refused to listen to what her son and DIL wanted for their own home.”

“She wasted their entire buying window trying to force them into something they repeatedly told her they didn’t want because she thought mommy knows best.”  ~ Bitter-Conflict-4089

“Real estate agents have a high percentage of greedy, weird, opinionated, steal from all their relatives type people.


“Glad that you have a friend doing it that’s sane (for now-‘getting the sale’ gets to be worse than a gambler’s high).”

“But in my experience, most real estate agents (especially notable rake in the cash ones) are to be trusted less than insurance agents who work solely on commission and car salesmen.” ~ Throwawayhater3343

“My mom is a realtor and I refuse to use her as an agent to buy our first house.”

“First of all, the amount of commission she takes is ridiculous.”

“My brother worked for her and she took a percentage of HIS commission that was downright greedy AF.”

On top of that, I don’t want my own mother dictating to me what type of home I want.”

“Thank God my brother left her team.”

“OP here is def NTA.”  ~ _the_hopeless_writer

“NTA. Your MIL, the realtor, didn’t treat you like clients.”

“She treated you like her son and daughter-in-law.”

“Thus, she lost you as clients.”

“You told her what you wanted.”

“A move-in ready home.”

“I don’t think her intentions were malicious, showing you what she did.”

“She thought that they would be better investments because of location, and other factors, when it came time to resell.”

“But that’s not what you wanted.”

“First rule of real estate.”

“Please the client.”

“First rule of parents of adults.”

“Help them prepare for the future.”

“I could definitely be wrong.”

“It doesn’t make sense why she wouldn’t show you homes that you didn’t want without explaining her reasons.”  ~ mrslII

“NTA – She failed at her job… so you fired her.”

“The family connection would have been a nice bonus, but she forced her views and expectations on you.”

“Now, if she said she would pay for the home renovations… in writing, that would be a different conversation.”

“But needless to say, you are the client, and she did not meet the client’s expectations.”

“As a person who recently bought a house, timing is everything as listing, viewing, and offering could mean the house is gone in less than a day.”

“To waste time on seeing houses you don’t want or outside of your criteria would be very upsetting in time wasted.” ~ longsdivision

“NTA. She sucks as a realtor.”

“A realtor’s job is to get her client what they want.”

“Not what she thinks they need.”

“She’s clearly not able to separate her feelings from her job.”

“It’s not a good idea anyway to work with family members like that.”

“And she obviously wasn’t even trying to work with you, she was just trying to force something on you guys.”

“It’s not clear what benefit you were getting out of her ‘help’ at all, if any.”~ r2bl3nd

“OP, you are NTA.”

“Your MIL wasn’t ‘your realtor’ she crossed the boundary when she wouldn’t show you want you wanted.”

“She was actually an ‘anti-realtor.'”

“You literally had no choice but to find a new realtor to find your house.”

“If she doesn’t want to talk to you, that seems better all around.”

“It wasn’t like you didn’t try to work with her, but she actively worked against you.”

“I think you have to just say no to MIL!” ~ coloradogrown85

“NTA. She didn’t listen to what you wanted.”

“She was not on board with your vision and tried to bully you into her plan for your future.”

“Any good realtor will try to get you to consider a range of properties because, especially as first-time buyers, many house hunters don’t really know what they want or need until they have explored a bit but a realtor should never try to substitute their own perspectives for yours.”

“Her pushing you towards a purchase you didn’t want was borderline unethical.”

“This is one of the many reasons I don’t think it’s wise to do serious business with family.”

“I hope she gets over it but you did nothing wrong.”  ~ rapt2right

“NTA – buying a do-er upper is a huge commitment, and potentially an incredibly stressful money pit.”

“Where on earth would you find the time to take that on when you’re a law student?”

“She wasted your time, and cost you money due to the higher interest and rent – If she can’t treat you with the respect and professionalism she would show her regular clients why would you want to work with her?”

“And it sounds as if she would have tried to sabotage your search this year if you’d told her, so good job on keeping quiet.” ~ MoogOfTheWisp

“NTA – your MIL had her chance to exercise her realtor skills for you and her son and she decided to squander it by imposing her opinions instead of listening to her clients.”

“If you were anyone else, she wouldn’t have done that without risk to her reputation.”

“Why did she think she could get away with it just because you’re family?”

“If anything, because you’re family she should have acted more professionally as she’ll never be rid of you like her other clients.”

“And you could’ve recommended her services to friends.”

“But she messed that all up by acting like a fool when she should have been acting as a professional.”  ~ cursedroses

“NTA. The first realtor I had for my latest house search was unmotivated.”

“He didn’t ask for a contract.”

“I don’t think he was interested.”

“After three months, I asked the agent who was selling my other properties to see if she could find a house that met my conditions.”

“The next day, she showed me my dream home.”

“Because I was already mortgaged to the hilt and the banks wouldn’t lend me any more money until I sold one of the properties.”

“She found me a mortgage broker who was able to arrange a mortgage with a P[rivate] M[ortgage] I[nsurance].”

“So, the moral of story is a good real estate agent is worth gold.” ~ feminist1946

Well OP, Reddit is on your side.

Sounds like mom needs to do some soul-searching.

Hopefully this will soon pass and you all can enjoy making memories in your new home.

Congrats and good luck.