We're all human and of course are imperfect, but there are some people who do things that are shameful to other people, like being regularly unfaithful to their partners.
Sometimes this is a quality that the person doesn't even want to recognize in themselves, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, or they at least don't want to take accountability for it.
Redditor Specific_Volume_1824 was well aware of his younger brother's dating history and his habit of cheating on his partners.
So when his brother decided to get the word "loyalty" tattooed on his arm, the Original Poster (OP) couldn't help but appreciate the irony.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for laughing at my brother's tattoo?"
The OP was aware of his younger brother's dating history.
"This is a pretty cut-and-dry scenario. My (32 Male) little brother (25 Male) has been in a string of relationships since he was young enough to know what dating was."
"On several occasions, the relationships ended because he was caught cheating with another girl (these are just the ones that I know about, there could be more)."
"In fact, his current girlfriend (19 Female) was the 'other woman' from his previous relationship."
The OP noted at a family BBQ an interesting choice his brother made.
"He (I'll call him Danny) still lives with my parents, and I headed over there on the Fourth of July for a family barbecue."
"When he reached out for a hug, I noticed his arm was super red."
"He showed me his brand-new tattoo that he had literally just gotten. In huge letters, it said, 'LOYALTY,' in cursive."
The OP appreciated the irony.
"Where I might be the AH is that I kinda laughed as soon as I saw it and didn't try to hide it at all (it wasn't a dramatic laugh)."
"He said, 'What's so funny?'"
"I just said his tattoo was really ironic."
"He got p**sed and stormed off to his room and didn't join our parents, our sister, and me for dinner."
The family was divided over the brief incident.
"I told them what happened, and they said I was being an AH."
"My sister said people are allowed to change."
"I personally think he's acting like a child by locking himself in his room and that I shouldn't be blamed for a 25-year-old storming off."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn't believe the OP was even asking this question and rated it NTA.
"NTA. Your brother is a cheater and is dating a 19-year-old girl. There is no way YTA for this!" - luvfolklore
"NTA. He's 25, with a teenage girlfriend he got together with while cheating on his ex-girlfriend, with a history of cheating. The irony and humor are screaming."
"Furthermore, it rather sounds as though he is surrounded by enablers in his stunted maturity, for them to call YTA when he storms off like a petulant child..." - gal_tiki
"NTA, or maybe I'm an AH too, lmao (laughing my a** off), but I'd have laughed in his face, too. And I wouldn't apologize; cheating is childish as f**k; just leave if you're gonna sleep with someone else, or don't get into relationships to begin with if you'd rather juggle partners... that kind of thing really does a number on people."
"If he'd learned his lesson as a teenager, that would be one thing, but he's a full-grown adult, even though his frontal lobe isn't fully developed yet. He's responsible for his actions and should understand the irony of his choice of tattoo based on his history."
"As for your parents and sister, it's not up to them to police your interactions or your relationship with your brother. You're both adults, even if your brother seems to be acting like his shoe size, not his age." - quantumkitty128
"He's got money for a tattoo that was likely 300 to 500 dollars depending on the size, but he's still living at home? And the dude is dating a girl who's still a teenager and is acting like one himself?"
"Why is anyone surprised you had that specific kneejerk reaction to his hilariously ironic tattoo? NTA." - katerinara
"NTA. Lol (laughing out loud), or if you are, I am too, because I also would have laughed."
"Like, there are so many words in the English language, how does a serial cheater land on 'Loyalty,' and think, 'Yup, that sums me up right there!'"
"Hopefully, he got it because he finds it aspirational, but if that be the case, he wouldn't be so butthurt at being laughed at for it. Seems like a case of someone not knowing themselves and being offended when seeing someone else's perception of them." - SheLovesDarkStuff
"NTA. From what you posted, your brother is an immensely immature poser. He gets a word tattooed on his arm which he has demonstrated, with his actions, is not descriptive of his character."
"You did him a favor. As long as you are not some jerk who has spent a lifetime ragging on him, you may be the right person to get him to snap out of this bulls**t he pulls in life."
"I can get a tattoo of the word BADA** on my shoulder, but it will not make me one."
"My favorite part is, your 25-year-old brother, who lives with his mamma, ran off to his room and wouldn't come out for dinner. I hope he let mamma give him his bath before his bedtime." - JfPickups
Others admitted the OP was a little YTA but that it was totally worth it.
"For what my opinion's worth, I think you were just innocently and honestly reacting, but as YTA."
"And I'm that person, too, I know I'm right, and the irony of this situation, but I found it funny, too."
"And the fact he's acting so childishly, well, that makes it even funnier. We're all allowed to be innocent a**holes sometimes, we're only human, so you can have this one, OP." - rizeofthevalkyries
"If it had been me, I would have laughed as well. I would have joined you in the ranks of AH. And I would have worn it with pride. So yeah, YTA! But good for you! Lol (laughing out loud)!" - LongjumpingFly1848
"YTA, but you're also the tattoo critic we all secretly need. Maybe offer to pay for a cover-up?" - Straight_Smoke7967
"NTA. Yes, people can change, but it doesn't sound like he's made major changes yet. If and when he does change, getting a tattoo wouldn't be ironic."
"Until then, it's hilarious. He's acting like a teenager locking himself in his room. He's not going to grow up if everyone fights his battles for him." - Commercial-Push-9066
"I'm mean, sure, YTA because that was rude, but it was ironic and well-deserved. Your brother is dating and cheating on teenagers repeatedly. He should be laughed at." - gcof802
"Yeah, a little bit of YTA… however, not greatly. I can understand the humor. But he did seem proud of it in your post, and that's why I say YTA. Very very mildly, though." - SorinNoroku
A few challenged the OP to talk to his brother about dating a 19-year-old by rating him YTA.
"YTA for not talking to him about the 19-year-old." - mrscarter0904
"NTA. His 'other woman' is still a teenager, and I'm willing to bet she was barely 18 when they got together. I'm 24, and it's time we admit adults my age shouldn't be with people under 21, and are CREEPS if they're with barely legal teens." - pinkaccountant
"NTA. If I was the brother, I'd be more worried about why my new tattoo made my arm super red than someone laughing at me. Fresh ink (unless of course, it's in red ink) shouldn't do that after the fact."
"Oh my gawwwd, maybe his body is rejecting the word!" - uotterknowbetter
"NTA. No offense but your brother is giving major ick vibes. He's 25 and dating a 19-year-old? That's already ick territory, but then this 19-year-old was also his mistress... after a string of other mistresses."
"Let's not forget he ran off to sulk when he got called out for a very ironic tattoo that I honestly can't believe he was delusional enough to get and think no one would think it strange."
"The fact your family is also sticking up for the guy says a lot. He's acting like a teenage boy that's just hit puberty and doesn't want to be called out for his s**tty behavior because then he'll have to admit to the fact he's been doing something wrong when everyone else has been enabling him. Gross." - Skiddows
"I don't believe a 19-year-old is incapable of making their own decisions. Even young children have enough awareness and autonomy to make decisions. But, it is factual to state that mental and emotional maturity comes with age and experience."
"And yes, there are 25-year-olds who don't possess much in the way of maturity. H**l, even some 50-year-olds are immature idi*ts, but the point is that at the age of 25, you can easily look at a 19-year-old and think they're behaving in a childish manner, or reacting to something in the way a teenager typically would as opposed to the way an adult would."
"The reverse can also be true, some kids have to become adults at a much younger age than others because life can be a b***h, but we're speaking in broad generalizations here... I find it creepy for a 'typically' adult man to enter into a relationship with a 'typically' less mature teenager. And I hope the OP will say something about that rather than about the tattoo. That's all." - Filhopastry79
The subReddit could appreciate the irony right alongside the OP, as well as the potential issues with his dating history and current partner. Most gave the OP the benefit of the doubt for laughing in the moment, but they also challenged him to talk to his brother about dating a teenager, even if it might lead to another episode of storming off.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.