Being extra cautious when out alone at night is an unfortunate reality for many women in today’s society.
But to what extent should they remain vigilant?
Redditor ladyatstop is a 24-year-old male who had an awkward confrontation with a woman who was sitting on a bench by herself at a metro station.
After the encounter, he visited the “Am I the a**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for refusing to move from a bench at night cause this lady was uncomfortable?”
He explained:
“I (24M)get off late from work around 11pm almost midnight. I do packing and shipping, it was an 8 hour shift was on my feet all day so I’m exhausted af and just wanna get home.”
“At the metro station where I catch the train there is only one long bench to sit and this lady was already sitting on one side.”
“She looked maybe like 30’s not too old. So I sit on the other side of the bench not even that close to her cause I’m at the edge.”
“She keeps looking at me until she asks if I mind. I ask her what she means. The lady tells me if I mind going somewhere else and I ask why.”
“Then she tells me we’re the only people at the station and she not comfortable with me being close to her.”
“I look around again even tho I know there’s no other places to sit and I tell her sorry I won’t bother her I just really need to sit cause I’m tired from work.”
“Then she says would it really kill me if I moved somewhere else since the train gonna be there in 15 mins and I could sit then.”
“This lady not letting it go, I promise I won’t bother her. Like didn’t even tell her anything or did something the first minutes I sat down by her. This time she get really mad and asks me to move.”
“Now I’m kinda annoyed but all i tell her is no and that I’m sorry, she doesn’t have to worry about me since I just want to sit somewhere after standing all day. After saying that I put my headphones back on and looked at my phone.”
“But saw this lady after a few mins get up and walk all the way to the other side of the platform an just stands there.”
“Before she left did hear her saying “f’king jacka**.” Didn’t think she would get this mad at me not wanting to move.”
“I get why ladies would be uncomfortable that late at night at a train station with some random guy but I wasn’t even paying attention to her at all.”
“And didn’t wanna move cause again I was super tired. Still was I an a**hole?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to move.
“NTA but this seems odd. She’s uncomfortable with you on the bench, but feels perfectly comfortable having that long confrontation with you about it?” – RB1327
“Entitlement. She wasn’t afraid of physical harm, she is used to getting her way. A true bully. If you were afraid, you would not be name calling.” – PathComplex
“I’m a super paranoid lady and tbh nothing would make me feel safer in that situation than a man nearby not showing any interest in me.”
“I would be grateful not to be alone but to be left alone. Shes crazy.” – StevenAssantisFoot
“Plus he sat as far away from her as it was possible for him to sit, then ignored her.”
“Nothing about that says, ‘he’s going to attack me.’ I admit it does make me nervous to be alone somewhere with a strange man, especially at night, but that’s my fear to deal with.”
“It’s not his job to inconvenience himself for my comfort.” – Kylynara
“Absolutely NTA. If she didn’t feel safe, she shouldn’t have even spoken to you.”
“She should simply have walked away without a backward glance and that would have been it.” – integranda
“Exactly. I have had lots of days like OP where I’m so exhausted from work that I feel like I’m going to pass out but even when I was very visibly pregnant during my first pregnancy I’ve never made anyone move.”
“And that was pre [the virus] when people were even more obnoxious and sat way too close. I’d get up and walk away even if it meant standing for 30-40 min waiting for a bus or train.”
“More recently I had a day where a guy who looked really drugged up and honestly freaked me out sat the way OP was sitting and it was late at night. It was one of the really tiring days of work.”
“My feet and ankles were super swollen and my back hurt because of work and my current pregnancy but the moment I felt unsafe I decided to walk to the next bus stop. I walked a 30 minute walk while extremely exhausted because I felt unsafe.”
“I called my mom and stayed on the phone with her until I felt safe at a bus stop with other people. I did not once interact with the man who scared me. I got myself to a safer place that had more people.” – spazzy_jazzy_
“This right here is it. If you feel unsafe, you beat feet. You don’t ask the person for favors.”
“She didn’t feel unsafe she felt entitled.” – PrimishDirective
“She felt safe enough to be an AH. This was just being rude to be rude.”
“OP was ignoring her and gave her plenty of room. She wanted to power play her stupid games.”
“NTA.” – HealthyBox5
In an update, he clarified:
“Yes we were both wearing masks.”
“Also about the bench it’s long enough so there was good social distance between us. It’s even marked on the bench how far apart u are.”
A woman’s safety is something that should be taken seriously.
However, many Redditors felt that, in this particular scenario, she was acting more out of entitlement rather than fear.