Redditor Imaginary-Hall-2577 is a 24-year-old guy who was often mocked by his brothers for taking an interest in a hobby popular among women.
But when his services were suddenly required to accommodate a brother who was expecting, he refused to oblige.
After causing family drama, the Original Poster (OP) went to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA For Refusing To Crochet Something For My Brother’s Future Baby After Years Of Teasing?”
The OP began the post with a description of his personality.
“I have never been like the other men in my family. I’m introverted, artistic, and would rather cosplay than play sports.”
“At age 14 my great-grandmother moved in with us and she taught me how to crochet. I loved it but my brothers, Jim (27 m[ale]) and Tim (27 m[ale]), used to tease me constantly for it when she wasn’t around and whenever I would complain my dad told me that life’s full of people that are going to call me names and that I need to ‘toughen’ up.”
“I honestly think he was just disappointed that I wasn’t an extroverted jock like him and his other sons, felt like he could just pressure me into becoming more like him.”
“When my great-grandmother died she didn’t have much but she specifically left me her crochet ‘hooks’ and I was very touched. She also left my cousin an unfinished baby socks that she was crocheting for my cousin’s baby, and I could tell my cousin was disappointed.”
“We kind of had this tradition of our great-grandmother making things for the coming babies. I offered to finish what our great-grandmother started, using her needles, and my cousin was thrilled at the gesture.”
“After that I kinda inherited the position of crocheting things for any new babies in the family and I rather enjoyed it because I felt as if I was carrying on a legacy.”
“Although, it did nothing to stop my mediate family from making jokes and calling me names. Despite the constant attacks against my sexuality Jim, ironically, came out as gay and has since apologized for his past treatment of me so we’re on good terms but Tim is still a jerk to me.”
“When I went to college I went low-contact with Tim and my father and would just tolerate them at family events. Last week Tim announced that he and his girlfriend, Tina (24 f[emale]) were engaged and expecting their first child over social media and everyone was thrilled.”
“During a zoom meeting with the family Tina said she would love a matching blanket, little hat and shoes for the baby from me, and I asked her to send me a copy of her registry for baby clothes.”
“Tim laughed and said everyone knows that it’s tradition that I make the items. I told him flat out that he doesn’t get to make fun of my skills as a crocheter and then expect free labor from me.”
“My dad said that I was being rude and needed to apologize. I countered that if Tim was hurt by my refusal to crochet for him then he should just ‘toughen’ up and get over it and then left the call.”
“Since then I’ve been getting text messages from my parents and Tim saying that I’m being petty and a jerk to Tina and the baby, but I haven’t responded. AITA for refusing to crochet something for my brother’s baby after years of teasing?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors thought the OP was the only person in the scenario who was not being rude.
“NTA he’s mocked you for years and now wants a gift of the very thing he’s mocked. Seriously that’s just rude.” – srslyeffedmind
“NTA your dad sucks for not teaching his other kids to be kind, well done for saying that to your dad, the other two are obvious a**holes but at least Jim has changed and apologized.” – Rogues_Gambit
“NTA. I crochet. It takes time, effort, skill, and money to crochet something that you feel is good enough to give to somebody else. So many people think that it’s so easy and so fast you and they don’t value the labor it takes to make it. That alone is bad enough.”
“You have members of your family that made fun of your skill and they do not get to benefit from it now unless they are sincere in their apology. They’re not going to be because they want stuff.” – starienite
“NTA. Note that your brother, Jim, and other relatives are not sending you messages. The ones who are the same people guilty of the behavior that brought about this conflict.”
‘I’ve been getting text messages from my parents and Tim saying that I’m being petty and a jerk to Tina and the baby, but I haven’t responded.’
“This isn’t about Tina or the baby, it’s about Tim being horrible to you about a skill of yours he now wants to reap the benefits of. It’s not as if you said you wouldn’t buy a baby gift either. Now, THAT would be petty.”
‘Tina said she would love a matching blanket, little hat and shoes for the baby from me.’
“You went LC with Tim, so I’m assuming you don’t have a very close relationship with Tina. So why is she ordering all of these items from you? Is it because Tim promised things he couldn’t deliver? Has Tim missrepresented the relationship between the two of you? Sounds like it and Tim doesn’t like that.”
‘My dad said that I was being rude and needed to apologize. I countered that if Tim was hurt by my refusal to crochet for him then he should just “toughen” up and get over it.’
“I KNOW your father hated having his words thrown back at him. applause.” – mochaluvr1
“I hate the fact that Tim just assumed OP would do the same things for him (even though he’s been horrible to you) as you do to other family members (who have been kind to you).”
“Clearly he felt entitled and confident enough, that he had already promised those things to her girlfriend, and is now angry and embarrassed that you denied him. I think his entitled attitude clearly shows that he doesn’t understand, or care, about the harm he has caused you through years of teasing.”
“This situation shows who the toxic people are, and how right you have been to go low contact with them. None of the other family members (including Jim, who has become a better person) are texting you saying you are wrong.”
“The only ones trying to quilt you are the ones who have been mean all along.”
“NTA.” – emotional-hedgehog
“I’d bet good money that not one of those texts includes an apology for the years of bullying and hurtful behaviour. Your dad and Tim need to love you for who you are 24/7, not just when they want something. NTA.” – mercurial_planner
The OP updated his post to clarify a terminology.
“Okay since I keep seeing this I’m just going to give some info. Yes I am aware that you crochet with HOOKS and not ‘needles.’ When my great-grandmother was teaching me she referred to them as a ‘needle.'”
“Granted she obviously made a mistake but when I was first learning it just stuck so that what I always refer to them personally and I will correct it.”
Overall, Redditors declared NTA and thought Tim was rude for expecting to get free labor from the OP.