in ,

Guy Refuses To Move In With Girlfriend Because She Bought Her Apartment With ‘Stripper Money’

torstenvelden/Getty Images

Redditor TraditionImpressive2 is a female flat-owner with a boyfriend with whom she dated for 18 months.

Their relationship just entered what should’ve been an exciting chapter for both of them, but their future plans recently hit a snag.

The issue stemmed from her work history, which initially didn’t bother him–although he did ask her to tell his family a little “white lie” about it.

When things went south in their relationship, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with ‘stripper money?'”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer.”

“In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (sh**ty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy.”

“Before I ‘retired’, I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent.”

“I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we’ve been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf).”

“A month ago we found out that I’m 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he’d be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby’s room while he doesn’t.”

“Also, I really don’t want to leave my flat. It’s my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month.”

“However, he then said that he didn’t want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving.”

“He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn’t want to live in my flat.”

“I asked him why not – it’s a great flat, it’s central to everything, it’s spacious, it’s got room for all his stuff, there’s a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5-minute walk away, the list goes on – and he said that he didn’t want to live in a flat that was bought with ‘stripper money.'”

“That really pissed me off, and I told him no f’king way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my ‘stripper money’ paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn’t giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don’t feel ashamed of.”

“He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said ‘wouldn’t that still be stripper money?’ and he said ‘that’s different’, and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re in this state.'”

“He’s gone back to his flat now and he’s texted me saying I’m overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn’t feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn’t on the deed because it’s my place and it ‘would never feel like our place’ because of this.”

“I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it’s just my place and I feel I’m being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I’m in the wrong here.”


Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.

“Honestly I just love the thought of a bunch of strippers sitting around backstage discussing proper investing and homeownership.”

“NTA, you’re a smart driven woman who’s made some brilliant choices (boyfriend notwithstanding, but we’ve all been there) I also think your sister is unreasonable and possibly jealous to side with him.” – textilefaery

“NTA. He’s being irrational. Evidently he’s way less okay with the stripper thing than he’s been letting on.” – AlectoGaia

“NTA and big red flag that when he doesn’t have a valid argument he calls YOU emotional and unreasonable. I can understand not feeling it’s ‘his’ place.”

“But does he intend to put up half of whatever you move to or he just wants a place he got to pick out together? If he wants to put in half and buy part of your place it makes it both of yours. Or sell and both put equal amounts into a new place then worth discussing.”

“The stripper money argument it’s ugly and also illogical. Very concerning he went there.” – progressivelens

“Huge NTA. Um, any money you make from selling that apartment will be ‘stripper money’ too. Does he want to pay for the new apartment himself? Have you go into debt when you don’t need to?”

“Also good job on saving that well to buy an apartment out right!” – chocolatemugcake

“Omg please tell me you’re not going to do it.”

“Not to mention that you are not going to get a good price for your flat during a pandemic.”

“He is calling YOU emotional and irrational when he’s asking you to go into debt, fully financially commit to him, and give up an apartment you love because he has the heebee jeebies? F**k that. He is a self-employed ‘entrepeneur’ and is taking you for a ride if he gets half your assets.”

“Don’t do it just because of the baby, or because your sister is relating to him being judgemental. Raise that kid to be a bada** who doesn’t let people shame them into selling their home.” – molly_menace

“Former stripper here, I was in a similar situation at one point (minus the pregnancy) and for a fact, he is doing this to gaslight you, keep you connected and tied to him, and have a comfortable lifestyle without the sacrifices.”

“DO NOT let all your hustling go to waste by letting this man come near your bag. Let’s be honest, strippers are the best judges of men’s character. We can read them, and we know them. What do your stripper instincts tell you about this man?” – TheGreekB*tch

“NTA NTA NTA. You’re being very reasonable and he’s the one who’s being irrational about what place to live in! Sounds a little gaslighting to me…especially that “this state” sentence. You can’t rewind time and buy your wonderful apartment with different money…why is he pretending you can?” – mckinnos

‘and he said that he didn’t want to live in a flat that was bought with “stripper money.'”

“Nta and he sucks for sure. Are you sure you want to live with, have a baby with, or pursue a relationship with someone who is already slut-shaming you? I have bad news I think he’s going to be that way for a long while yet.”

“He literally wants to upend your life and destabilize you in a pandemic for his pride and jealousy over your past? Is he dumb? Selfish? He seems like the kind of person who would use your past against you in custody or throw it back in your face in anger if he’s irrational enough to do what he’s doing.”

“He might also just be asking for something unreasonable simply because it’s been 18 months and he doesn’t want to move in and take on responsibility so he can blame it on you when it doesn’t happen.” – NothappyJane

Overall, Redditors thought the boyfriend was being irrational, and they also insisted the OP not sell her home under these circumstances.

The OP had an unfortunate update.

“I dumped him. There was a whole conversation and during the conversation, he said he didn’t want to be a parent if I wasn’t willing to do everything he wanted, including sharing a house/deed (plus staying together).”

“Also, at the start of the conversation, I said what a few people suggested, which was that I’d be willing to sell and split the house with him, provided he paid 50%, and he got very very angry, very very quickly.”

“He also said a few other things, so IDK how it’s all going to pan out just yet, but it looks like I’m going to be a single mother.”

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo