When two people decide to get married, there’s hope that the couple will last forever and experience that sought-after happily-ever-after story.
But not only do relationships not always work out, but some of them end very, very badly, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, which leads many to create prenuptial agreements.
But Redditor Cadillac-man-198212 did not believe in prenuptial agreements in healthy relationships and believed that his love for his future wife, and hers for him, were enough to carry them through.
So when his mother tried to meddle and created a prenuptial agreement for them, the Original Poster (OP) was quick to shut that down.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for shredding the prenuptial agreement my mother had prepared for me and telling her to pound sand?”
The OP met the girl of his dreams.
“Please read through to the end before anyone says, ‘YTA for telling your mother to pound sand.'”
“So I (41 Male) am getting married to Alex (32 Female) who is what you might call a ‘dream woman.’ She is everything I want in a woman: beautiful, smart, kind, and likes many of the interests that I have. She even took an interest in the same music as me, which is amazing all in itself.”
“We both work in the tech sector and met through the dating section of a certain social media site. I hit ‘like,’ fully thinking, ‘No, that girl is too beautiful for any man.’ But she messaged me back, we exchanged info, met for the first time, and that was that.”
“Less than a year later, I proposed and she said yes!”
The OP was also very financially secure.
“One important detail is that shortly before we met, I was the lucky recipient of a rather large financial uplift (That’s all I am willing to share).”
“I decided to still work at my job as it’s a great gig and the money is good, plus I get along well with everyone. I was able to buy my own home free and clear plus get a nice new daily driver and a weekend ride.”
“Alex knows my financial situation and has never asked for a dime of my money.”
“But since she is my partner, I have helped her out, the most recently being paying off her student loans. That was a benefit to me, as well, because when we get married, her debt becomes our debt, and I didn’t want it to affect my credit.”
“Before this, we were invited to a charity gala by her uncle and she went dress shopping. She fell in love with one but nearly cried when she saw the price. I insisted on paying for the difference because she looked way too pretty in it to pass up.”
The OP was shocked when his mother tried to meddle in his future marriage.
“Fast forward to now. It’s a month before the wedding and a large envelope was delivered to me with ‘From Mom’ on it.”
“Back when I bought my house, I paid off the remainder of my parent’s mortgage, and they decided to stay where they were, which I was fine with. I opened up the envelope, saw the word ‘prenup,’ and immediately froze. I am against prenups because I think they’re for narcissistic Hollywood types who cannot handle a partnership.”
“So I called my mother and asked, ‘What the h**l is this?’ She apparently had the son of a friend who is a lawyer draw up a prenup. Well, since I don’t understand legalese, I didn’t even open it… I let a friend who is also a lawyer look at it.”
“Basically, this prenup was written with my monetary uplift taken into consideration and was meant to totally screw Alex if we were to divorce.”
“The house would belong to me, the cars would belong to me, and any wealth split would be based on the income difference when we first met, which would mean I would get 80% and she would get 20%, if that.”
“But there was also a clause in it about pregnancy and childbirth. Now Alex is what she calls ‘personally pro-life but not pro-suffering,’ meaning she would never terminate a healthy pregnancy herself, but if something happens where her health is threatened or the fetus tests positive for a disability that will affect its quality of life, she will terminate.”
“This prenup basically stated, ‘Any pregnancy that threatens the health of Alex and/or tests positive for a quality of life-altering disability must be terminated.'”
“It also had an infidelity clause that would reduce Alex’s share to zero. Yes, you read that correctly.”
The OP did not appreciate his mother’s attempted involvement.
“Needless to say, I was p**sed. I drove over to my parent’s house and I demanded an answer from my mom as to why she would have such a s**tty prenup drawn up, even if I was willing to sign it.”
“She then let loose with apparently everything she wanted to say since me and Alex first started dating: It’s all lust on my side and I am using Alex’s flat tummy, hourglass figure, pretty face, and big t*ts (her words) to prop up everything else about her.”
“She then said it’s all money on Alex’s side because apparently women that look like her don’t go out with guys that look like me unless they have a ton of money. Apparently, it’s because I am not muscular (I go to the gym but to stay healthy, finely tuned muscles are not on my priority list) and have short hair with a bald spot.”
“When I said that Alex is not a gold digger and has never once asked for a dime of my money and she makes her own, my mom said, ‘Of course she doesn’t have to ask, you bail her out of everything anyway.'”
“I asked her about the pregnancy clause, and she said, ‘Alex says that she would terminate a Down syndrome pregnancy, but I don’t believe her. A friend of mine has a mentally challenged grandson, and it’s h**l. I don’t want you to be stuck with an [r-word].'”
“Mom finished by saying that if Alex refuses to sign the prenup, she is a gold digger, and if she does, she is genuinely in love with me.”
The OP pointedly stood up for his future wife.
“I finished by saying I was not signing it and it’s going in one place: The paper shredder. I went to the paper shredder and shredded it. I told my mom we love each other and we were NOT signing a prenup, end of story.”
“My mom said, ‘Hope her letting you fondle those D cups is worth it when she leaves you for a Brad Pitt clone and takes all your money.'”
“That’s when I told her to go pound sand, and she just killed her chance of being invited to the wedding.”
“Since then, people on mom’s side of the family have called and texted me to tell me that I was way too harsh to my mother and she was only looking out for me. But I don’t think I am.”
“AITAH here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured his mother writing a prenuptial agreement unprompted was uncalled for.
“NTA. Writing a prenup without your input is over the top. A prenup is not a bad idea to protect premarital assets but this one is a f**k you to your fiancee.” – gastropodia42
“NTA. I’m pro-prenup all the way with the understanding that it is formed between the two people in question. Your mother crossed a line by getting involved in your relationship. Her involvement is unnecessary, unwanted, and unneeded.”
“If anyone gives you a hard time about uninviting her to your wedding just explain that she is clearly not supportive of your relationship, why else would she call your fiancee a gold digger? As such, why would she want to celebrate your marriage AND why would you want someone with that mentality there?” – Good_Ad6336
“A prenup that requires abortion in certain circumstances? There’s insane, and then there’s this. I’m actually kind of impressed with the audacity of OP’s mother. But not in a good way.” – big_bob_c
“NTA. Suggesting a prenup is ok. Drafting one for you, especially with the terms you listed, is intrusive, verbally abusing your girlfriend to you is toxic. I would think hard about going low or no contact with her for a while and, if you choose to have her in your life, make sure there are clear set boundaries with her that she respects, with consequences if she doesn’t.” – allycia85
Others agreed but encouraged the OP to write up his own prenuptial agreement.
“NTA, but you really should have a prenup. Your mom should have absolutely no say in it, but you’re not very smart if you don’t have some sort of protection, just in case.” – Still_Storm7432
“Your mom is bats**t, OP. But you need a prenup. It doesn’t have to be unfair, it doesn’t have to be one-sided.”
“Prenups are like wills. They cover the bases just in case. They don’t mean you aren’t in love or you don’t have faith in the relationship. They just mean you want both parties to be covered legally should the unforeseen happen.”
“Your mom though. Man. She sure got lots of benefit from your windfall. People in glass houses shouldn’t call other people gold diggers.” – Bac7
“A prenup is not necessarily unfair. And you can really make it quite harsh without being unfair; a cheating partner gets almost nothing, for instance.”
“Your mother hoped you’d present this to Alex without reading it and that when she read it she’d freak out (justifiably) and dump you.”
“Is this the first time your mother has tried anything like this? It seems like a h**l of an extreme. Does your dad know? What does he think?” – Magdovus
“NTA. Talk to your Bride-to-Be and and have a nice meal, uninterrupted, and discuss your financial future and common values. Ask her if she would like a prenup that protects her, as well as, yourself.”
“I dated, lived with, then married my love who is 10 years older than I. It took a bit for me to catch up, financially, but I would have understood if he wanted a prenup. He was more established than I and had more to lose.”
“Your Mom is a freaking hypocrite and should be grateful that you paid off their home. She needs to understand that you’re a grown man who can make your own choices. Also, she needs to hear from you that additional disrespect towards your fiance, will ensure no contact from you.”
“My dear husband and I are very compatible financially because we educated ourselves, taking financial seminars and closely doing the work on financial freedom exercises.”
“Have a discussion about all the challenging topics prior to getting married. Listen to each other. Give each other time and space to think about things, then revisit and set compatible family goals. We set aside every Monday night to have dinner out and sometimes we had preset topics to discuss, other times we touched base on careers/kids/vacations or nothing at all.”
“Good luck, OP! I hope you and your fiance go out and create a beautiful life for yourselves.” – Alert-Cranberry-5972
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in another post.
“Okay, firstly, I wasn’t expecting THAT many comments. I didn’t see them all because quite frankly, I still have a job and things I do after work. So, there are a few things I want to say.”
“For the people who say “Get a prenup it’s smart, think about it like insurance, you may never have to use it but it’s nice to know it’s there!”
“I said, ‘Prenups are for narcissistic Hollywood types who can’t handle a partnership,’ so let’s clarify that. When you are a well-known actor and part of your job may be kissing and being intimate with a fellow actor, it can be easy to catch feelings for your co-star and wind up stepping out on your actual husband/wife/whomever. Hollywood actors need a prenup because the temptation can be just too great. Now that THAT is settled…”
“After thinking about it, I am open to signing a prenup. But one that is fair, not… one that basically treats my fiancee like a gold digger. For the people saying, ‘He’s going to blow through his money,’ I only used a small fraction of the uplift I got to pay off my parent’s remaining mortgage (Their principal remaining was the equivalent of a new Camry so it wasn’t big), buy my house, a daily driver, a weekend ride, and to pay off my fiance’s college debt.”
“Plus, some stuff for the inside of the house. The rest went to the bank. While I am still working at my job, my income goes a lot farther than it did before because I have no outstanding debts. Just basic utilities. I try to be efficient.”
“I bought my house in a non-HOA community so I didn’t have to worry about a busybody telling me what type of roof I could put on, for example. I ended up installing a metal roof with solar panels. My electric bill is near zero, and I’ll die of old age before the roof needs to be replaced.”
The OP also discussed what happened with his fiancee.
“So for the people who commented, ‘Something is off, no lawyer would include an abortion clause in a prenup,’ well… My fiancee said something along those lines. Yes, I showed it to her.”
“A couple of days after I stormed out of my parent’s house, my mother called me and said, ‘Do you really think I gave you the only copy?’ So I decided to take a risk and show Alex (my fiancee) the prenup.”
“I was fully expecting her to laugh her a** off or lose her s**t, but she did neither. Her response when she read it? ‘Either the ‘lawyer’ who drafted this is bad at his job, or he is not really a lawyer, googled ‘prenup template’ and decided to make it as lopsided as possible to make me look bad.’ Yes, she is willing to sign a prenup but one that is fair.”
“So I told her, ‘You should tell my mother all of this. Maybe it would get her off your back.’ So we decided to do it. We went to my parent’s house and Alex told my mom, ‘We need to talk.’ Alex’s first words was, ‘I saw the prenup. I am willing to sign one, but not that bullsh*t you gave my fiance, your son.” She then tells her that even if the money was to disappear tomorrow, she would still be with me. She explained while fighting back tears that she has never found a more compatible person in her life than me and cannot wait to get married to me and call me her husband.'”
“I told my mother that even after the uplift, even after I had the house and my cars, something was “missing.” That missing piece turned out to be Alex, and she completed me. She is literally my best friend. They say when you find the missing puzzle piece, don’t let it go. Alex is that missing piece and I cannot wait to marry her.”
“My mother, upon hearing this took the rest of the copies of the lopsided prenup, walked over to her paper shredder, and shredded them. ‘I think you’re good without this,’ she said, ‘By the way, I found out my friend’s son got his law license suspended recently.’ That might explain things.”
The subReddit could not help but shake their heads at the OP’s mother’s attempted involvement and what she wanted to hold her future daughter-in-law accountable for.
There’s a great reminder in here somewhere that we never know how someone is thinking or feeling without living in their heads. But it sounds like this couple is perfectly happy, with or without a prenup.