A man found himself amid domestic tension while his older brother was going through a divorce.
Families typically stick together in these kinds of drama, but he decided to side with his sister-in-law, which was unsurprising given the family’s history.
When the guy’s reaction to an awkward moment angered his brother, he sought judgment on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redditor messy-BIL asked:
“AITA for not defending my brother from his ex-wife?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 M[ale]) have a brother (29 M[ale]) who is going through a rather nasty divorce from his wife (30 F[ema]) right now that is completely his own fault.”
“My SIL [sister-in-law] is apparently divorcing him because she got fed up with his lack of respect for her and his relationship with our mother. I’ve seen what she’s talking about firsthand not just with her but in all his relationships.”
“For context, My brother is the golden child ESPECIALLY to my mom. My parents have always thrown me and my sister (the oldest) to the side for him and his accomplishments and it’s turned him into a giant entitled mommas boy even as a grown man.”
The OP continued:
“I’m not gonna mince words, my brother’s relationship to our mom is unhealthy. He claims I just don’t know what a good mother-son relationship is like (which is fair as my mother doesn’t like me) but they don’t have any boundaries with each other and my mom is overbearing and one of those ‘I’m the most important woman in my sons life’ moms.”
“She gets competitive with his girlfriends and is plain nasty to all of them, SIL was no different she was just willing to put up with it more until she snapped after a recent incident.”
He went on the explain a recent incident that led him here.
“While he was at our parents house, my SIL texted him to discuss custody arrangements for their daughter, it devolved into an argument with him calling her all sorts of names and telling her to grow up with my mom egging him on.”
“The last thing she texted was ‘We’ll talk when you take your mom’s t*t out of your mouth and stop choking on her milk so you can actually act like a man.’ ” and then blocked him.”
“He was pissed and telling us about it, and I couldn’t help but laugh, and I asked what he expected; he’s literally at our mommy’s house crying to her about it.”
“This really set both him and my parents off, and they all yelled at me about not supporting my brother, and now none of them are speaking to me.”
“My sister sides with me and our SIL but says maybe laughing at him when he’s already hurting is an AH thing to do. AITA for not defending my brother?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Nope. I would have pissed myself. My SO is an only child and his mother was not at all nice to me in the beginning of our relationship, but he doesn’t play that and pretty much let her know her behavior would not be tolerated. NTA.” – 74Magick
“NTA.”
“I literally laughed out loud at what she said to him, and from the sounds of it, it was completely warranted, which is why it set them off so much.” – Zenpora
“Nope. NTA. Well done. I wonder how he is at work? Does he bring your mom too?? I married someone like that. Didnt last. Divorce is bliss.” – Ok-Listen-8519
“NTA it was pretty funny. Maybe he should climb back into mommys womb and cry.” – EnterNameOrEmail
“NTA. I would laugh too.”
“Also, the most thing he has hurt is ego. His presumed doormat wife has shining spine. If he really loved her, he wouldn’t let your mother to be nasty to her.”
“I am team SIL here.” – Danube_Kitty
“NTA. Her response was epic.”
“You can support your brother without bashing or disagreeing with your sister-in-law. You can keep him company, take him to dinner, play a game of tennis with him, help him find a new place to live, etc.”
“You do not need to agree with anything he says or tell him that she’s wrong. If your family doesn’t like that, so be it. If it’s true, it’s true.” – Special_Respond7372
“NTA. I’m sorry your parents don’t realize that all of their children are equally wonderful and should be loved the same and appreciate you and your sister more. Let their ‘little’ family rot and go to hell.”
“Live the best life you can for yourself and revenge is being happy and successful despite them and maybe later on if you want to, having a family of your own to love and appreciate like you could and should have been.” – DealVisual
“NTA.”
“But if you really wanna be helpful, use all the proof of emotional instability, manipulation, and toxicity to help your SIL gain full custody. If your brother can’t have kids if he’s still one.”
“Help your SIL in any way you can, including providing proof or witness statements for the amount of toxicity in your family home with your parents and brother.” – satanforeskin69
“NTA. Only in your brother’s delusional world, with mommy, are you the AH. He earned every bit of that, and mommy did as well. Sadly, assuming dad is still in the picture, he is defending this, so he gets lumped into AH territory/world as well.”
“Honestly, I’d laugh my arse off at this as well. – TheMerle1975
“NTA. He needed to have you laugh at him. You what weasel he is, and he deserved it. I hope you laughed long and loud.”
“The best outcome for you is if his silent treatment turns into a permanent thing. For your sake, I also hope your mom gives you the silent treatment. Life without having to deal with a-hole relatives is wonderful. I know first hand.” – More-Yogurtcloset531
“NTA. SIL called it like she saw it. I would’ve laughed my butt off after saying, ‘Ooooo, ssss burn.’ I’d be chuckling right out the door and laughing harder for them being mad about it.”
“It sounds like he practically was begging for that insult. SIL obviously got a little too close to the truth for mama and her boy.”
“Seriously, is he actually hurting? Mama was, after all, egging him on. I think you get a complimentary AH pass on this one.”
“(laughing) Damn, that was the perfect epic burn and block.” – Comicdusterian
“NTA.”
“On a separate point. Even if you had a completely friendly relationship with him & didn’t agree with the SiLs reasons for the divorce.”
“You can still support someone and call them out, in private, on points where they might be in the wrong.”
“Which you did. It’s kinda hypocritical to moan about her saying he’s attached to her teat, when he’s literally in her house being egged on by her.” – Alternative_Breath93
“NTA – I would’ve laughed my @ss off too. I also have a brother like this so I understand how you feel. And as for you not supporting him just remember that HE’S the reason for the divorce! And I honestly hope that that ex-wife finds somebody better.” – tequilafilledocean
“NTA. I might not have been quite so blunt as your SIL. I’d probably have told him to loosen the apron strings instead. But yes I’d have laughed too at her comment so I don’t blame you in the slightest.” – Wooden_Opportunity65
“NTA both your brother and mom need a kick in the @ss, followed by intense therapy and maybe dad does too for buying into this sh*t show.” – Equivalent-Talk-7095
“NTA. ‘…they all yelled at me about not supporting my brother, and now none of them are speaking to me…’ TYL (today you learned) if you want peace and quiet, laugh at your brother. That’s good information to have! Who knew it was that simple? /s” – ApprehensiveBook4214
“N.T.A. Your brother’s own marital issues resulted from his bad behavior and his toxic relationship with your mother. Even though your laughter seemed a little harsh, you were right to choose not to stand up for him.”
“The actual problems are his conduct and his inability to accept accountability. Your sister demonstrates that you are not alone in recognizing the dysfunction by endorsing your position.” – Im_justpollyyy
“NTA, your mom says you are mad because you don’t support your brother in a divorce? is she f’king mentally ok? when was she supporting you ever in your life? I would be laughing hysterically for 5 mins straight if this happened tbh.” – Dear-Strike-4679
Overall, Redditors sided with the sister-in-law and thought her text was quite humorous despite its serious context.
Hopefully, the divorce will not get entangled in further conflict, and the two can move on from this.