A healthy relationship is a balancing act.
On one hand, in a good partnership each person comes to rely on the other for joy, support, and even advice when it’s necessary.
That said, each person must be allowed to hold on to their autonomy for the match to remain sustainable.
One guy on Reddit had a heck of a time figuring out how to walk that line.
TASorrynotsorry, as the Original Poster (OP) is known on the site, posted in the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit and asked for some feedback about the whole ordeal.
OP’s title for the post clarified the specific context of the struggle.
“AITA for not liking how my girlfriend dresses for work?”
He kicked off his explanation with a preview of how things eventually shook out.
“So I [43-year-old male] don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but my mother is very angry at me…”
“…and my best friend said I was a horrible person for saying what I did and I’d be lucky if my girlfriend didn’t put me out with the garbage, since I decided I wanted to act like trash.”
Then he got down to specifics.
“My girlfriend [34-year-old female] is a preschool teacher and for some reason I can’t explain she dresses like Ms. Frizzle. Like a dress with the pattern of whatever they are studying.”
“She makes a lot of them herself, now including matching masks. The kids love it, and the parents seem to think it’s great.”
“I don’t like the amount of attention she gets honestly. I’d prefer if she came home and changed before running any errands.”
He tried to levy some influence.
“On Friday, she helped my mom with something after work and she was still in her weird dress.”
“I have told her before I don’t like when she dresses that way, but she tells me I don’t have to like it, but I have no right to tell her how to dress.”
“I was upset she went out like that with my mother, and told her that my mom said she was embarrassed and to ask that she please not dress like that again if they’re going out.”
But there was an unforeseen response.
“I was not expecting her to call my mom and apologize. When my mom asked what she meant, she told her what I said.”
“My mom was furious, explained she doesn’t have a problem with how my girlfriend dresses and thinks it’s great she spends extra time doing things to engage her students.”
“My mom then yelled at me for lying to my girlfriend and trying to throw her under the bus because I was being an insecure jerk.”
And his mom was not the only one angry.
“My girlfriend and I got into a huge fight.”
“I said she should be embarrassed to be seen in public like that. She said the only thing she was embarrassed by was me.”
“She hasn’t spoken to me or done anything for me since.”
He was left reflecting.
“My friend said I was horrible and called me trash.”
“I shouldn’t have lied, but I think my girlfriend should take what I think about her clothes into consideration and I’m not sorry for expecting her dress more appropriately in public.”
“Am I really such an a**hole here?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked for feedback by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Unfortunately for OP, most Redditors invoked the YTA acronym and totally slammed his behavior.
Some folks were simply stunned.
“Bro…. What? YTA Mrs. Frizzle is a treasure, she is not to be disrespected.” — KnightofNiApplicant
“YTA. You…don’t understand why a preschool teacher would dress in bright, fun, educational outfits? This can’t be for real, can it?” — mm172
“YTA. How are you not the a**hole? She gets to dress how she wants, whether you like it or not.”
“And that nonsense about lying that your mother was embarrassed? What the hell were you thinking? Absolutely YTA.” — beavisdog
Others cited specifics as they called him out.
“YTA. In what world is she ‘inappropriate?’ She sounds like she has confidence and a personality.” — dftaylor
“YTA Even mommy thinks you’re an a**, that should be a hint.” — mekta_satak_oz
“Look, your mom and friend are right.”
“You acted atrociously, you lied, you seem to think your opinion should hold more weight than her own, and when called out, you act like everyone else is being unreasonable.”
“Why exactly do you think she should take your opinion on how she dresses into consideration? Do you take her opinion into consideration because it certainly doesn’t sound like it.” — FesteringNoseOlives
“YTA, 1) for lying 2) for thinking she has to wear the way you like”
“Seriously, if everybody won’t give a f*** about what others wear this world would be better” — mattblack85
And when OP’s post made its way to Twitter, people were equally outraged.
ms frizzle is a style icon sir how dare you
— Adam (@adam_round_3) November 10, 2020
Oh boy…first of all: Educators, especially in the younger years, want the class to be engaged with what they are learning and if wearing that dress gets the class to put attention with excitement, why are you trying to make her stop?! SHE IS BEING A GOOD EDUCATOR! PERIOD.
— ✨A*teens 4Ever✨ (@pookie411) November 11, 2020
Under no circumstances should this man be allowed to not be hit by a city bus and dragged for like five blocks
— Surly Rae Jepsen (@MykeATL) November 10, 2020
Ms. Frizzle is a treasure and he’s an insecure baby which makes it even more confusing since he should be the target audience for her dresses.
— 𓅢 𝙹𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚊 𓅔 (@jpadamson) November 10, 2020
Me @ the girlfriend: Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽 Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽 Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽 Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽 Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽 Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽 Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽 Dump 👏🏽him 👏🏽
— hoekage (@thedarkbetween_) November 11, 2020
That last Twitter user was probably happy to see OP’s parting update that he added to the bottom of the original post:
“EDIT: I’m sure you all will be pleased to know we broke up tonight. She said I’m too controlling and narrow minded so she broke up with me.”
Between the breakup and the onslaught of internet outrage, perhaps OP will think twice before trying to control his next partner.