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Guy Throws Out Dog’s Ashes Because Girlfriend’s Daughter Doesn’t ‘Show Him Any Respect’

A man holding an urn
Godong/Getty Images

Pets are family.

And when they pass it’s heartbreaking.

Many people hold onto keepsakes and ashes from their pets to keep them close even when they’re gone.

And those tokens are meant to be respected just like any other family member’s.

Case in point…

Redditor Imaginary-Doubt-3782 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole”(AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for yelling at my mom’s bf after he threw out my dogs ashes?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (24 F[emale]) posted asking if I was the AH for wanting to get another dog since my current one (who was my retired service dog) was an old man.”

“Well it happened, I had to put him down, and I’m completely heartbroken.”

“Now onto the issue.”

“I live with my mom and her b[oy]f[riend], but I work in another city for a family friend, so during the work week I just stay at my family friend’s house.”

“Thursday I got the call that my dog’s ashes were ready to be picked up and that I had 3 days to do so, so I asked my mom if she could do that for me on her way home from work and she did.”

“Now the weekend before my mom’s bf and I got into a disagreement because I was cooking something on the stove and my mom was cooking something in the oven.”

“And she asked him to check it to see if it was done, so he told me to move, I told him I would in a minute as I was flipping the food and didn’t want it to burn.”

“He flipped and started going off about how he shouldn’t have to wait for anything as it’s his house.”

“And I should have some respect, then went to their room and slammed the door.”

“When I came home on Friday I asked mom where my dog’s ashes were, and she started crying and said ‘(bf) threw him out, he said it was an accident but I didn’t believe him so pushed for the truth, and he said it was because you don’t show him any respect.'”

“I broke down.”

“It wasn’t just his ashes in that package, it was going to be an impression of his paw, an ink print of his paw and nose, a vial of his hair, and they even took his collar to clean it and make a memorial tag.”

“When her bf got home I went crazy, I cursed him up one wall, and down the other, I questioned his manhood, called him names.”

“I was downright rude.”

“Mom thinks I went overboard but that he deserves it.”

“He hasn’t said a word to me since.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Are you even serious right now?”

“Your mom’s bf let him throw away her child’s dog’s ashes and collar, and she didn’t break up with him on the spot?”

“NTA. Sue him in civil court for the theft of property.”

“You won’t get much money, but at least it will be a moral victory.”

“And please move out and stop talking to your mother.”

“She’s enabling this guy and does not actually care about you.”

“So sorry for the loss of your pup.” ~ imothro

“More to the point, the mother didn’t wait, go to the bin, get the dog out and put it somewhere safe (or at least the other bits).”

“How scared is she of this man?”

“And if she is that scared and won’t leave, be careful and secure yourself an exit strategy.”

“Totally agree with suing.”

“Cremation is expensive, then the emotional loss is much worse.”  ~ Timely_Egg_6827

“The bf sounds very controlling and possibly abusive if he flew off the handle like that because he had to wait a few seconds.”

“I seriously think both mom and OP should rethink their current living arrangements before one, or possibly both of them, gets seriously hurt.”  ~ Remarkable_Cry_5220

“NTA- f**k him. Why would you show respect for an a**hole who threw your dog’s ashes away as a form of punishment.”  ~ Sarphadonyx

“NTA, and your mom is choosing him over you?!? Hell no!”

“Get out of there as fast as you can.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”  ~ Imaginary_Building_4

“NTA. Your mom is the a**hole for keeping you in an abusive setting.”

“He is the a**hole for being abusive.”

“Do you have anyone else you could stay with?”  ~ certain_people

“NTA. So this supposed ‘man’ handles conflict by throwing out the ashes of your service dog?”

“What an absolute AH.”

“I can’t think while your mother stays with him.”  ~ PilotEnvironmental46

“NTA. Yeah OP probably said some mean stuff, but this little boy purposely trashed a memorial OP paid for.”

“At a minimum, OP is owed an apology and compensation, but I wouldn’t hold my breath for either.”

‘This from the person that whines about respect while also being the guy to run to his room like a petulant child for having to wait a minute to cook.”

“I don’t know OP’s situation, but it’s time to get out of that house.”  ~ ABeerAndABook

“NTA. As someone who recently lost their own pup, this makes me livid.”

“Your mom’s bf sounds like a walking red flag.”

“‘I shouldn’t have to wait for anything because it’s my house?'”

“What kinda bulls**t is that?”

“Nah, he and your mom are both AHs because he acted like a petulant child and she allowed his behavior.”

“He deserves a lot more than what you gave him.” ~ Ownerofthelonelyhrts

“NTA. Your mom has made it perfectly clear who her priority is, though, and my best advice is to get out of that home.”  ~ NorthernLitUp

“Possibly because this man is so violent that he actually destroyed the container they came in, making them unretrievable.”

“Regardless, NTA.”

“I would love it if you could take him to small claims court.”

“But I don’t know that there’s such a thing as punitive damages in small claims court, but he does at the very least owe you the full cost that you paid for everything that he discarded, which is no doubt hundreds of dollars.”

“That wouldn’t compensate you fully, but he really deserves to pay, literally.”  ~ SkippySkep

“NTA 100%.”

“Holy crap, I cried reading this.”

“Your mom’s bf is a HUGE AH.”

“Tell him if that box doesn’t reappear in the next 60 seconds, he owes you the money it was to create and have those additional items of your dog, or you’re taking him to small claims court as that is damage to property.”

“To have at least a part of your dog: do you still have anything (dog brush, dog bed, etc) that has his hair on it?”

“Wouldn’t be the same but you could get the hair off it and keep it in a locket or something to still have a little part of him.”

“Also, I would move out ASAP.”

“Tell your mom that the home situation is toxic if she asks why.”  ~ Epilogical

“NTA. First off, the fact that he was mad because you told him to wait a minute, so you didn’t burn the food is ridiculous.”

“But the bigger issue is the fact that he knowingly and purposefully threw out your dog’s ashes that you paid for is unforgivable.”

“More than the money issue it’s the fact that he used what he described as disrespect to justify his actions.”

“There is NO justification for what he did.”

“I’m unsure if you have a way to get them back, but from your post, I am assuming no.”

“I am so sorry OP.”

“He threw out the only physical reminder of your beloved pet, and you are entirely justified for how you feel about it.”

“Your mom saying you went overboard is wrong in my personal opinion.”

“What he did was beyond rude. Again, I’m sorry.” ~ BriannaHeron

“Seems like if your mom cared about you she would have at least sneaked out to the trash and retrieved the package. NTA.”  ~ DoomsdaySpud

“OP=NTA. Because of proportionality.”

“This wasn’t an accident but a malicious act.”

“So in your grief and anger, you went off on him.”

“He deserved downright rudeness.”

“I am so sorry for your loss.”

“I have final hair from my cat who had to be put down recently.”

“Didn’t get ashes this time, however.”

“So those bits of hair mean everything.”

“I would consider NOT getting another dog until you have your own place.”

“Your mother’s boyfriend is a nasty piece of work and may treat your dog badly, especially as you aren’t there every night to protect the new dog.” ~ Blacksmithforge3241

“If anyone ever threw away the remains of any of my beloved pets out of petty spite, I would rain down so much hell onto them that it would make them beg to the Great Lord himself to ensure sure they’ll never be born again in another lifetime.”

“NTA at all.”

“I’m so sorry for what happened.”

“Is there any way your baby could be recovered?

“Also, why isn’t your mother kicking her disgusting excuse of a BF out for that yet?” ~ Psychotic-Orca

“NTA. WTF is wrong with your mother????”

“OP, I am so, so sorry. That’s just awful.”  ~ devlin94

“NTA. You did nothing wrong, but PLEASE get your stuff (and yourself) out of that house as soon as possible.”

“Anyone who would destroy the remains of a beloved pet is absolutely unhinged.”

“And you don’t know what he’ll do to your clothes, computer, or personal items when you’re not home.” ~ LBA2487

Well OP, Reddit is with you and concerned for you.

It may be time to make some difficult decisions.

It’s ok to put you and your safety first.