Donating, whether it’s money, blood, plasma, hair, or something else, is not as simple as giving it away. Sometimes it can be physically taxing, like if it’s a blood donation, and even if we have the funds to spare, it’s still less money in our bank account.
What people might not think about is how, if they donate hair specifically, they might not like the haircut and then have to wait for it to grow out, just to do something nice for someone else, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor mistychristie_’s girlfriend had been growing her hair out for years to donate to a cancer charity, and the OP admired her when she finally did so.
But when she hated how she looked with short hair, the Original Poster (OP) was surprised when she not only wanted to get hair extensions to look more like herself but also expected him to cover the bill for her.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to pay for my girlfriend’s haircut after she donated her hair?”
The OP’s girlfriend donated a significant amount of her hair to a cancer charity.
“My (26 Male) girlfriend (25 Female) has been growing her hair out for years.”
“She always said she wanted to donate it, and I thought that was a great idea. I even told her it was really sweet of her to do that.”
“Well, last weekend, she finally did it. She chopped off over 12 inches and donated it to a charity that makes wigs for kids with cancer. Amazing, right?”
But she wasn’t prepared for how she was going to look after the fact.
“But now she hates how short her hair is. She says she feels ugly, she misses her long hair, and she’s been super upset about it.”
“She booked an expensive hair appointment at a salon to ‘fix it’ (layers, color, extensions, I don’t even know), and then she sent me the bill of over $500, expecting me to cover it.”
“Her reasoning? She donated her hair to do something good, and I should support her because I encouraged her to do it.”
The two could not agree on what qualified as being a “supportive partner.”
“I told her that while I think what she did was amazing, I never told her to donate her hair. That was her decision, and I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to pay for her to ‘fix’ it now.”
“She got really upset and said I was being unsupportive and selfish, and now she’s barely speaking to me.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his girlfriend needed to take responsibility for her decisions.
“She’s an adult. She made a decision. She should know the consequences of her decision fall on her. Do NOT pay for these hair extensions. NTA.” – dr_lucia
“She chose to donate her hair and now wants you to fix the result. That’s not how responsibility works. Stand your ground.” – MathematicianOne244
“NTA. She wants you to be financially accountable for a decision she made? No.” – MikeReddit74
“‘Had to fix’? Um, no. She obviously had shorter hair at one point to ‘grow it out for years’ to be able to donate 12 inches.”
“So, she should have had an inkling of what she looked like with short hair. Also, most salons give you a free cut (the ones near me do) of your choice if you are donating hair for wigs for cancer patients.”
“So, this whole situation is a mess of her making.” – BonusMomSays
“She is 25 years old and can’t even take responsibility for a haircut? Good lord. H**l, no, you aren’t paying for fake hair because she has ‘haircut remorse.'”
“You didn’t tie her down and chop off her hair, why should you pay for ‘fixing’ it?” – Alarming-Paper-8357
“NTA. Seriously… she donates her hair and then wants to get hair extensions? What’s the point of that?”
“Especially if she gets extensions that are made of other people’s natural hair. The only reason she gave up her own hair was probably to pretend to be a good person and post about it on social media.”
“Out of solidarity for cancer patients, she could at least try to live with short hair for a couple of months.” – ldmlml
“No, it was her charitable donation and she can take a tax deduction for that (if she itemizes). She needs to keep that receipt of the hair fix because now she has a dollar value for the hair donation she gave the organization. She also needs to get a receipt from the charitable organization with the date on it, showing they received her donation of hair.” – foxyfree
“NTA. It’s a bummer that she doesn’t like her hair the way she thought she would, but it’s not your obligation to pay for her to get expensive stuff done to it.”
“Added: did she even ask you before she got it done or did she just surprise you with the bill?” – WomanInQuestion
“NTA. She made a decision to donate her hair. No one told her she had to donate over 12 inches. That’s a her problem, not a you problem.”
“She made two ill-advised (while one was for a worthy cause) decisions and then expects you to pay. No ma’am. She needs to grow up and take responsibility for her actions.” – New_Principle_9145
“I’ve donated my hair twice now and I knew that meant cutting off a lot of hair. I made sure that I had 12 to 14 inches past my shoulder before I made the cut so that I could live with the end result.”
“Anything else is poor planning on her part. It’ll grow. No reason for you to pay $500 for her decision.” – Scota00
“I’ve donated hair, 14 inches. The hairdresser cut before she made the cut was like, ‘Are you sure?’ I mean it made a nice change for me, my hair was down to my bum almost so it was nice to have it shorter but not too short.”
“The girlfriend should have donated less if she didn’t want it so short. As I understand, the one I donated to will accept hair that is seven inches or longer. 100% NTA.” – Capable_Cheetah_8314
“NTA. I wouldn’t have too much conversation about it, though. Short and sweet. Proud of you. I think you look beautiful with long hair and short hair. I’m not paying for your haircut.”
“I do wonder based on her giving you the bill, does she normally buy expensive things and do you normally pay for them?”
“Was she only donating her hair to make you think she’s a good person? Have there been conversations about her being selfish? Self-centered? Etc.?”
“Could it be that she just spent way more than she thought she was and was panicking?” – Intuition33
Others argued against the girlfriend volunteering the OP for things, especially financially.
“NTA… You don’t get volunteered for a gift. This is highly manipulative behavior.” – Loud_Duck6726
“This is highly manipulative. Break up with her. You do NOT want that as a long-term relationship.” – Patho675
“I feel like if he contributes even a little to this one, it’s going to be a lifetime of dealing with that bologna every time she makes a decision she regrets.” – Gomonana
“NTA, and I’m confused at how a 25-year-old just hands you the bill for something stupid she did and had to fix?”
“She went and spent $500 at a salon and just ‘sent him the bill’? No one does that unless they’re used to having their partner pay for everything.”
“She’s probably expecting him to pay and is upset he’s saying no for the first time.” – angryatworld247
“The fact that she didn’t even ask you about it beforehand tells me everything I need to know about her. NTA.” – NextAffect8373
“This does seem like a red flag, but OP, only you can know if this is a pattern of behavior or a one-off. Either way, though, don’t foot the bill, not even a small contribution.” – Zephyr-Phoenix
“This is insane and unbelievably entitled. I have no idea where she would get the notion that supporting her would mean you cover the unexpected result of it. Definitely NTA!!” – Anxious-Designer9315
“NTA. She did an amazing thing, but you didn’t sign up for a $500 invoice. If she wanted to splurge on fixing it, that’s on her, not you. Maybe offer to take her out for a nice dinner or something instead?” – JoselinLayola
“As a woman, I would’ve had to have asked before going and even making the appointment if I hadn’t planned on paying for it myself. I’ve never even had a 500 hair bill and I get my hair done in braids and everything. That’s outrageous. NTA.” – wells4597
“NTA, she has a lot of audacity. I wouldn’t pay for it, because this was her choice. They have $30 wigs at the stores, so she could’ve gotten one of those. It’s ridiculous, she donated her hair for wigs only to turn around and need one. This is on her.” – Prettyricky27_
“NTA.”
“You’re in no way responsible for her regret. If she really expected you to pay for it, she would have vocalized that prior to getting her hair did, not after the fact. She’s projecting her regret onto you.”
“At most, I’d say you’re liable for comforting her and telling her she still looks good and reassure her that she made the right decision, not pay half a grand for a haircut.” – Tyler_Broseph
“NTA. You should not be expected to cover her choices.”
“I don’t want to call them bad choices, I think it’s great she donated hair, but maybe, in the long run, it would have been better if she just spent that 500 on getting synthetic wigs to donate instead.”
“She couldn’t have known she was going to hate it, but immediately jumping into burning 500 on something super temporary seems so… I don’t know, it doesn’t sit right, I guess.”
“People can do what they want with their own money. So let her use her own money to correct her choices.” – Kellseybri
As sweet as the subReddit thought the donation was, they believed that the OP’s girlfriend probably should have put more thought and research into the act before cutting her hair and realizing she didn’t like it.
She definitely shouldn’t have expected her boyfriend to fix her hairstyle for her and then try to guilt-trip him when he didn’t want to pay so much money for something that could have been avoided.
As nice as the gesture was, the OP’s girlfriend could have made a monetary donation instead if this was going to be such an issue for her.