Redditor halfstolenlife has the somewhat unique circumstance of having an illegitimate half-sister.
The Original Poster (OP) never had much of a relationship with her half-sister, but not without effort from the half-sister.
Recently the OP’s half-sister reached out after she got engaged, wanting, again, to cultivate a relationship.
This time the fiancé got involved and the OP was floored with what he “knew” about her.
Ultimately the OP sought out subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
She asked:
“WIBTA for telling my half sister’s new family that she kind of assumed my identity?”
She went on to explain.
“I [Female age 25] have a half sister [Female age 24], called ‘Hannah’.”
“I suppose from our ages the circumstances of her birth are very obvious, and because of this and the subsequent drama, she was never in my life growing up.”
“I would say I’ve met her less than 10 times in my life.”
“When she was 16 she started consistently reaching out to me via social media but I was never interested. This stopped when we were about 20.”
“Since then, I mostly forgot about about her existence until she reached out to me again at the start of this year, saying she’d got engaged.”
“She wanted me to come to her engagement party and help her get in contact with the rest of my dad’s side of the family.”
“I told her I wasn’t interested but I did ask the rest of the family (granddad, aunts, cousins) if they wanted me to put them in touch with her and they said no, so I told her that, too.”
“About a week later I got a message on social media from her fiancé, digging me out for how I treated her.”
“He told me he understood that it was tough being the product of an affair and he gets that I would be jealous of her since I was shunned by the family…”
“…but that she felt terrible about it and had always wanted a relationship with me. I was as confused as I was angry because he had the entire story arse backwards.”
“I forwarded the messages to Hannah with a question mark and she admitted that her fiancé and his whole family don’t know that she is affair baby…”
“…that they think she stayed in contact with Dad’s family, that she went to the schools and university and basically lived the life I did.”
“I didn’t blast her for the lies, I just told her that if I ever heard from any of the people in her life again, I would tell them the truth.”
“The months went by. A few days ago, I received more messages, from the fiancé and the fiancé’s sister, calling me a heartless b*tch for refusing Hannah’s attempts at contact.”
“The sister said I needed to get over my jealousy of Hannah. The fiancé called me a spiteful witch for ‘emotionally blackmailing’ Hannah’s dad into not going to the wedding.”
“It took everything in me not to reply and read the lot of them to filth.”
“So, now I’m contemplating whether I would be the AH for messaging them back with the truth. It can’t go on like this, I told Hannah to handle her business and she didn’t.”
“Also, her lies are pretty creepy. She’s marrying a guy who has no idea who she is.”
“Then again, it’s not like she sent these people after me, so maybe I would be the AH for tearing apart her whole life over something that isn’t technically her fault.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“Tell them the truth and block them all. You’re not tearing her life apart. She is.”
“It is technically her fault that she lied to everyone. She not only lied, but she outed you, and after having some family harass you, she still didn’t tell them the truth and let more family harass you.”
“She is perpetuating the lies even knowing you know she’s lying, and she’s adding more lies – she’s now making them think things are your fault! This is 100% on her.”
“Write up a message that’s the truth, simple and honest. And then block anyone who contacts you from her side of the family.” – AdrenalineAnxiety
“At this point, I’d personally go all in and show your work. The timeline of the affair, who did what, why you don’t have a relationship. The whole thing.”
“You didn’t solicit these messages. They opened the door. Time to make good on your promise.”
“Also, Hannah is 100% aware and encouraging these messages, or they wouldn’t be happening.”
“NTA” – Encartrus
“NTA”
“I feel for Hannah. She has been mistreated by your father’s family because of his behavior. Not her own. And it’s clearly done a lot of damage to her.”
“That said, you haven’t done anything wrong. And you are being slandered. You also don’t seem to understand the greater repercussions of what she’s doing.”
“Identity theft is a serious problem. She could be messing with your future. She could interfere with your career, with your educational records.”
“These lies she’s telling will spread and influence the way people look at and treat you.”
“It could prevent you from getting jobs, ruin friendships, and even affect your physical safety if she’s getting people this fired up with rage against you. You can’t let this slide.”
“Tell her fiance the truth; that she was the affair child, that she has borrowed your educational history, and that you passed on her request for contact.”
“And have done nothing to prevent your father from attending the wedding. Send screenshots of the messages as proof.”
“Then state that if you continue to be harassed by them for Hannah’s lies, you will go to the police.”
“Tell Hannah the same; she stops telling lies about you, or you will take it further. You have to protect yourself.”
“It’s up to you how to handle your family, but they did abandon an innocent child. If the situations were reversed, they would have done it to you.”
“They should be ashamed of themselves for their behaviour.”
“It’s not up to you to reconcile them, and clearly, Hannah is not safe or stable for you to be around, but please do ensure that you are safe if they ever turn their displeasure onto you.”
“This entire mess is your father’s fault. He should be managing it, not you.” – Cursd818
“NTA”
“Tell them not to contact you again, or you will involve the police.”
“Her lies are negatively impacting your life. SHE did this to you. So you would be fine to set the story straight. Anything that gets them off your back.”
“You have the right to live your life free from their harassment.”
“Maybe send HER a message that SHE needs to control her fiance’s family, and if she fails, YOU will need to escalate and set the record straight with them.”
“This is HER responsibility, SHE is causing this. And if they don’t stop, escalate. Whatever you need to do to stop these AHs.” – Aggressive-Mind-2085
“NTA”
“You should definitely tell them the truth. And maybe see if it’s possible to get a restraining order. This girl sounds unhinged.”
“I speak from personal experience, My dad also had an affair daughter, and she caused me and my brother a lot of trouble until dad got a restraining order against her (we were underage).”
“Where is your dad in all of this? He should go and talk to those people and ask them to stop harassing you.” – Worried_Blackberry39
“Hmmm, I think I vote for something in the middle–you don’t need to lay out your whole history, but just let them know they are misinformed. Maybe something like:”
“‘I don’t know what Hannah told you about me, but from what you’ve been saying, it seems to be very far from the truth. I’m not jealous of her, I just don’t know her.’”
“‘And it seems like maybe you don’t either.’ Then block, block, block.” – EchoPhoenix24
“I’m really torn on this. I’m petty AF, so I completely understand what you want to do, and lying is never the answer.”
“So Hannah has kind of dug her own grave, and you are under no obligation to have a relationship with her. I do feel bad for her, though. She didn’t ask to be born under those circumstances.”
“That’s not her fault. I can’t imagine half of my family refusing anything to do with me just because I existed. Has your dad had anything to do with her? Are your parents still together?”
“I won’t call you an a**hole but I feel sh*tty calling her one too. The girl needs therapy to deal with everything.” – One-Confidence-6858
“NTA”
“But isn’t there something between blowing up her engagement and doing nothing?”
“Like you can write back that you have no idea what they are talking about, and you can assure them with good conscience that you never blackmailed anybody emotionally not to attend her wedding.”
“In fact, the topic of your stepsister never comes up when you speak to your dad, and you are perfectly fine with you and stepsister not being close and living different lives.”
“And nobody in your family ever shunned you for anything surrounding your stepsister.”
“And they should pls stop harassing you and contact your dad directly if they want to know why he doesn’t want to attend the wedding.”
“That’s his decision, and you can’t speak for him. You yourself are not gonna attend bc, like stated you were never close or family or something.”
“And then block them. This way, you don’t reveal her lies and still make sure they stop contacting you by blocking them.”
“If they then go out of their way to find your dad, well, your stepsister will have to answer a few questions. If it ends badly, at least she can’t blame you, and you don’t have an enemy for life.”
“They will find out her lies sooner or later anyway. No way she can hide this for long. Now inspector fiance and future sil are on it. But this way, you don’t get involved in the drama.”
“You know how they say, if you get bad news, shoot the messenger first, and then go from there. And you would be the messenger.” – Every_Caterpillar945
An unfortunate circumstance that is neither of these women’s fault.