Being a bridesmaid comes with its share of highs and lows.
Many would agree that one of the most common lows is the dress.
Seldom has a bridesmaid ever wanted to wear her bridesmaid’s dress ever again, nor would many have chosen the ones their respective brides chose for them.
Even so, few would dare tell the bride-to-be that they don’t like their dress.
Redditor Adept-Rutabaga709 was excited to be the maid of honor for one of her closest friends.
Unfortunately, none of the other bridesmaids shared the original poster (OP)’s enthusiasm.
Owing entirely to the dresses the brides selected for them.
When asked by the bridesmaids to confront the bride about the dresses, the OP flatly refused.
Worried she wasn’t being fair to her fellow bridesmaids, the OP took to the subreddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling the bridesmaids I will NOT tell the bride that the bridesmaids dresses are extremely unflattering?”
The OP explained why she didn’t feel comfortable being the spokesperson for her fellow bridesmaids:
“I’m (31 F[emale]) the maid-of-honor for my best friend, Lily (29 F[emale]).”
“Lily has the body of a model, and she is, by far, the most conventionally attractive one in our friend group.”
“The bridesmaids and I are plus-sized, and none of us has an hourglass.”
“Lily bought bridesmaids’ and MOH dresses, but we don’t like them.”
“They’re tight on the midsection.”
“They’re backless.”
“They’re very short.”
“All the bridesmaids, especially bridesmaid ‘Amy’ (32 F[emale]), are pressuring to tell Lily how we feel.”
“I told them I will NOT tell Lily that the bridesmaids’ dresses are extremely unflattering.”
“Amy said I was selfish, weak, and a pushover.”
“She said I’m doing Lily a disservice because her bridesmaids and MOH will look ‘fat and gross’.”
“I love Lily, she loves us, and I don’t want to bother a busy bride-to-be.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally had trouble sympathizing with anyone.
Many felt that the OP needed to prioritize the discomfort of her fellow bridesmaids over hurting Lily’s feelings, also feeling that Lily should have asked if her bridesmaids felt comfortable in her chosen dresses, even if some didn’t think anyone were truly a**holes:
“ESH.”
“Be adults and stop acting like you’re in high school.”
“You can ALL go and talk to the bride and let them know the situation and deal with it from there.”- Soggy-School-5883
“My then teen daughter, 5’10” with legs that went on and on, decided I needed to up my dating fashion.”
“I’m a 5’2″ Eastern Euro farm girl build.”
“Went to all her favorite stores, let her pick everything, had her critique everything I tried on.”
“I finally suggested Anne Taylor, she rolled her eyes.”
“‘Fine!'”
“Guess where I dropped cash.”
‘She then realized her fashion advice and how she pictured her clothing choices were completely disconnected from real bodies.”
“I vote for sending the bride pictures of what y’all really look like in the dresses and present as a united front.”
“ESH, but not in a malicious way, just a communication and reality check way.”
“As a plus-sized woman, ESH.”
“Lily most for not consulting her bridesmaids (who I assume she likes?) on the dress choice.”
‘That’s so insane.”
“But also, you guys are a collective group of cowards for not addressing this together.”
“Not sure what the timing is at this point, but if the wedding is still several months away you should absolutely talk to her, ideally as a united front.”- jsrsquared
“ESH.”
“You do sound sort of spineless.”
“You don’t like the dresses.”
“You know they’re not going to look good.”
“Why are you not speaking up?”
“I couldn’t not!’
“I would refuse to just wear something that looked so incredibly awful on me.”
“On the other hand, there is nothing stopping Amy from saying something to Lily either.”
“Why don’t you suggest that you all approach her together, so that there’s not one ‘bad guy’.”
“If Lily is reasonable, she should see sense.”
“If she’s not, why are you her MOH anyway?”- somuchsong
“Yup, YTA and also ESH.”
“Be a big girl and go talk to the bride.”
“Or she should.”
“Or you all should.”
“One of my bridesmaids came to me because the color looked like a flesh sack on her, but she assured me she’d still wear it if I insisted.”
“I immediately changed her color to something that fit the theme and made her look amazing.”
“I WANTED them to look and feel their best that day!”
“Give the bride a chance to reconsider the choices she made on theory alone with newly presented facts.”
“’Don’t bother a busy bride’ applies to aunties who want restaurant recommendations while they’re in town.”
“It does NOT apply to wedding party members with actual concerns.”- BagelTrollop
“ESH.”
“In my opinion, Lily is the biggest villain in this story for picking dresses that would obviously embarrass her bridesmaids and make them feel awful.”
“I’m suspecting she picked these dresses intentionally to make everyone else look bad.”
“Anyway, you and the bridesmaids as a group need to have a discussion with Lily about it.”-Consistent-Pickle-88
Others found the OP was being cowardly and unfair to her fellow bridesmaids, as well as herself:
“YTA to yourself.”
“Why wear something that makes you feel bad?”
“Ask if there’s any way of having them altered?”- Total-Change3396
“YTA.”
“If the dresses make the bridesmaids self-conscious, then you absolutely should tell Lilly.”
“Not only do they deserve to feel beautiful, but it could throw off the aesthetic of the wedding.”
“Confident women move differently than self-conscious ones.”
“It’s better for everyone if the issue is addressed rather than buried.”
“I also want to mention, the other bridesmaids are a**holes too for pinning this all on you.”
“Any of you could speak up, but it would be best if all of you did.”- imsecretlyafox
“YTA.”
“Someone needs to tell the bride that she is making her bridesmaids look and feel terrible.”- Odd_Task8211
There were a few, however, who didn’t understand why the OP had to be the sacrificial lamb, and that if the other bridesmaids were uncomfortable with the dress, they should be the ones to tell Lily:
“NTA.”
“I think somebody should tell her if everyone, including you, thinks they look bad, but I’m definitely missing why it has to be you.”
“The person who was calling you weak is out of line – surely she knows how to contact the bride herself?”
“That being said, if the bride asks for your opinion, don’t hide how you really feel.”- silvercrayons
“NTA.”
“I was in a similar situation.”
“We bridesmaids bought the dresses and all accessories.”
“The bride bought the shoes.”
“Her vision was for us to stand through a 90-minute wedding ceremony in 6-inch stilettos.”
“Five out of six bridesmaids were plus-sized.”
“The others wanted me to say something as I was the friend and the other five were cousins who didn’t want to rock the boat and cause problems in the family.”
“I made them stand with me while I did the talking.”
“She saw we all felt the same way and allowed shorter heels but heels nonetheless.”
“The dress was ugly too, but she refused to budge on that.”
“In the end, we were all glad we spoke up.”
“The wedding started late.”
“There was nowhere for us to sit, and we all ended up standing for hours between waiting for the wedding to start, the wedding, pictures, and then the grand entrance at the reception.”
“The bride’s karma, no one in the wedding party smiled in any of her pictures besides herself and her groom.”
“Five bridesmaids and six groomsmen frowned at the camera.”
“Her MOH went MIA a month before the wedding.”
“It was the first and last wedding I ever agreed to be in.”-Â ExceptionallyExotic
“NTA.”
“I would say don’t speak for anyone but yourself.”
“When I was in college, I had a group of friends I ate with often.”
“One of them would waste so much food every day.”
“It bothered all of us, but nobody wanted to say anything.”
“When I finally suggested she check out all the options available for a meal before taking something and deciding there was another choice she liked better, everyone else shut up like they had no opinion on the subject so I was the bad guy.”- kl987654321
“NTA.”
“It doesn’t have to be you, but someone should tell her.”
“If she’s never been fat, she probably doesn’t understand how it would feel to wear something like that.”
Let ‘Amy’ tell her.”
“Hopefully she’ll be understanding and want you all to look and feel confident and comfortable while you celebrate together.”- Otherwise_Unit_2602
There is little a bride likes less than hearing other people’s opinions on what she should do at her wedding.
That being said, Lily should at least take into consideration that her bridesmaids won’t feel comfortable standing in front of her nearest and dearest.
And if she’s oblivious to that, then it might be the OP’s responsibility to tell her.