Finding suitable child daycare isn't always easy.
So when parents find a great deal with great daycare, they usually try everything to make the situation work.
However, not every parent is capable of smooth sailing.
Redditor Unlucky-Jackfruit230 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for telling my wife that she will be driving the extra distance since she is the one who got our daughter banned from daycare?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My wife and I had our first kid about 7 months ago."
"We are both back to work, and our daughter (Kelly) has been going to a daycare by our house for a few months."
"The daycare place is great, they send a lot of texts constantly."
"Things like what is happening that day, like bathroom, feeding, tummy time, and so on."
"They all come from the same app, but you can see which provider does what."
"This is where the issue started."
"I always did drop off at the beginning (just easier for our schedules)."
"One of the main workers is Sam."
"My wife loved Sam; she always said that Sam was really informative about texts and any questions."
"Sam only works the morning shift, and another employee was there when my wife picked up Kelly."
"Sam is a man."
"Always been."
"About a month ago, my wife dropped off Kelly in the morning and learned Sam was a man and not a woman."
"She was shocked, and I was confused that she didn't realize."
"After that, she became critical of everything Sam texted."
"I told her to stop, but she didn't listen and claimed she was protecting our kid. "
"Two weeks ago, she made a formal complaint against him for nothing."
"She complained about him not giving text messages."
"He did, he sent like 10 that morning."
"A week later, she sent a d*ckish text to Sam over the app. "
"We got called in, and they told us they are not having Kelly anymore."
"That their staff is important to them, and they don't tolerate this type of behavior."
"So our new daycare is on the opposite side from my work."
"It would be an extra 45 mins for me to drop off our daughter."
"My wife is only an extra 20 mins."
"I told her she needs to take our daughter to daycare, and we got into an argument."
"I told her this is her fault in the first place, and she claims I am being unfair and she doesn't wish to change her morning schedule."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that everyone involved was NOT the a**hole.
"NTA. Your wife's schedule needs to change anyway, as she has to fit in therapy as well." ~ dutchie1966
"This is the answer."
"She made this problem with her idiotic ideas, and attempted to tarnish Sam's reputation and destroy his employment."
"That's some next-level meanness there."
"My God, what bullshit patriarchal stereotypes she has let loose."
"Good on that daycare, actually."
"You are NTA."
"Your wife sure is, though." ~ TomeThugNHarmony4664
"Motivated by an outdated gender based prejudice, too."
"The day care trusts Sam, and they have the most to lose if anything goes wrong regarding any of their staff."
"It's easier to replace one client than a staff member they trust to continue working for them." ~ lemon_charlie
"Exactly. If she's so distrustful of men, why isn't she also worried about her husband, who chose to have a child with her?"
"Statistically, OP is more likely to abuse his daughter than a daycare worker." ~ f**kyourcanoes
"Your wife really does need therapy."
"Something either happened to her or someone close to her."
"This response is textbook for someone who was abused." ~ angryclam1313
"Or, you know, good old misandry."
"The fact that she's married to a man doesn't mean much."
"Plenty of misogynistic men are married to women."
"She also seems to labor under the delusion that she should not have to face any consequences or inconveniences for her shi**y behavior, that the husband should just suck it up because reasons."
"Not every a**hole has trauma behind their behavior."
"Some people are just that, misguided a**holes."
"The good thing is tho, therapy can indeed help if the person truly wants to change." ~ 3dgemaster
"NTA, thank goodness the employer protected Sam." ~ harristusc
"Kudos to the employer for sticking up for him!!!!"
"People who deal with the public and children have enough on their plates without having to deal with this a**holery." ~ fattycatty6
"I've worked in child care before, and this type of protection for the staff is rare."
"I've seen instances of parents being belligerent to staff, and the directors/higher-ups do nothing because of money."
"Wife really screwed up here because that's a unicorn daycare. NTA." ~ Fickle-Big5063
"NTA. I am guessing your wife is also still claiming she did nothing wrong regarding Sam."
"If she has a history of saying/doing whatever she feels like and not wanting to be burdened by any consequences, then you may want to pursue counseling for yourself - to figure out why you overlooked it before and where to go from here."
"If this is not at all like the woman you married, then you may encourage her to talk with her doctor."
"She may be dealing with the after-effects of the pregnancy/delivery."
"It may be a challenge to get her to seek a diagnosis and get help."
"Regardless, I think it is fine to tell her that she can prefer not to change her schedule all she wants; she HAS changed her schedule."
"You preferred not to have your daughter kicked out of a great daycare because of your wife's poor behavior."
"Wife can apply all that energy and zeal she had for attacking Sam into her new morning routine." ~ swillshop
"YES!!! Stated beautifully. NTA." ~ MmeQueen
"NTA... I guess, but there are bigger issues here that you have to address."
"If you don't, you'll be banned from every daycare in the land." ~ RoyallyOakie
"Also, depending on the community and size, you could be 86'd from most before even applying to them."
"Especially the smaller towns/cities."
"NTA OP, good luck, and her actions have consequences."
"She can drive the extra time." ~ HeavyDoughnut8789
"NTA. As a childcare provider and someone who studied men in childcare (and of course, people's opposition to it), your child wasn't at any more risk with Sam than with a female childcare provider."
"Your wife has some issues she needs to deal with."
"And yes, she should absolutely be doing the extra driving; she's the reason this all happened." ~ International-Fee255
"NTA and I would be having serious second thoughts about being with her if this is how she is going to treat people."
"She straight-up lied and could have gotten him fired."
"Men in education deal with so much shit as it is, they don't need to be stereotyped or mistreated because they're male."
"Having a baby doesn't give her the right to treat people that way." ~ Spallanzani333
"NTA. Not only because she caused this, but because you would spend more than twice as long doing this than she would."
"I would be very angry about this if I were you. starting with her harassing someone just trying to do their job (and doing it very well, sounds like), with a detour through outdated and sexist ideas about who can care for children, and stopping firmly at how incredibly selfish it is to expect you to go so far out of your way because she doesn't want to change her schedule."
"Guess what?"
"Actions have consequences."
"If she'd acted right in the first place, she wouldn't have to change a thing."
"She didn't do that."
"Now things change." ~ dryadduinath
"NTA. She had no problem with Sam when she thought he was a woman."
"She's sexist and assumes that because Sam is a man, he will do something nefarious to your child."
"If she never found out Sam was a man, she would have continued to like him most likely, which makes her an AH, and a sexist one at that." ~ Flying_Cooki
"NTA. And if you haven't yet, please send a heartfelt apology to Sam."
"I'm sure this isn't the first time he's encountered this, and it sucks."
"I think you also need to have a convo with your wife on what values you want to raise your children with."
"These kinds of behaviors and biases get passed down, and you don't want your kid to be a bully." ~ whatsweetmadness
"NTA. This is all on her."
"If she is so concerned about her child, it makes perfect sense for her to be doing the daily drop-offs, so she can check things out."
"Every day."
"Who is there?"
"Who is watching the babies?"
"She can create her rapport with the staff." ~ hurling-day
"You're forced to change your schedule because of your wife's unbelievably poor behavior, and SHE is the one who doesn't want to change her schedule?"
"Sucks to be her, I guess…"
"NTA, but you've gotta be firm and put your foot down, otherwise you'll be dealing with this for 20 years." ~ Glad_Song8981
"NTA. But you know this is likely to happen again, so I really recommend some couples therapy to dig in and get ahead of that before Kelly is kicked out of the next daycare." ~ NapalmAxolotl
"NTA, what's unfair is trying to get her former favourite employee fired just cuz she doesn't like what's between his legs."
"And now she can take responsibility and go twenty minutes out of her way to take care of her daughter, but no, it makes more sense for YOU to go TWICE AS FAR just because she doesn't wanna."
"She's a bad client, a bad person, a bad mother, and a bad wife."
"That's unfair." ~ Guessinitsme
Reddit has serious issues with your wife's behavior, OP.
She owes you, Kelly, and everybody at daycare an apology.
This type of behavior is uncalled for.
She'll have plenty to think about on those long drives to and from daycare.
