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Bride Livid After Wedding Planner MIL Decides To Have Her Own Wedding Two Months Before Hers

A mother and daughter looking at wedding dresses.
moodboard / Getty Images

Weddings are meant to be a joyous event.

Everyone is giddy with anticipation when they’re not stressed out about the details, that is.

There are so many moving pieces.

The timing of other people’s plans leading up to the main event is particularly important.

Case in point…

A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for telling my fiancée that while I love her, she can’t expect my mom to prioritize her?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My fiancée ‘Janie’ and I are in the middle of planning our August 2024 wedding.”

“We had a longish engagement of two years so that we could save.”

“My mom got engaged around Christmas time of this year and set her wedding date for May 2024.”

“Her wedding is the last week in May.”

“Ours is the first week in August, so they are just over two months apart.”

“Janie was pretty shocked to hear about my mom’s wedding.”

“She asked me if I thought it was weird, and I didn’t understand why I would.”

“She explained that she couldn’t envision a parent getting married that close to their child because she would expect the focus to be all on the child.”

“She said her parents wouldn’t even consider it.”

“I think this situation has been a bit hard on Janie as my mom is a professional wedding planner with virtually no budget, and the family seemingly only cares about her wedding.”

“Janie recently had an altercation with my mom because Janie mentioned she was going for a dress fitting, and someone asked if my mom had seen her dress.”

“My mom said no, and Janie made a joke that she wouldn’t take my mom to any of her appointments as she might start trying on dresses.”

“My mom asked Janie if Janie had a problem with her, and Janie just rolled her eyes.”

“My mom’s fiancée and I kept them apart the rest of the night, and when we got to the car I told Janie that wasn’t called for.”

“She began to get upset, so I reassured her that I understood why she felt this way.”

“Then, and I might be an a**hole for this, I said while I love her so much, she can’t expect my mom to feel as strongly about our wedding or to prioritize her.”

“Janie became very quiet and didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Now I feel I may have been insensitive.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“The last week of May to the first week of August is over two months apart, not one month, right?”

“NTA. I could understand Janie being miffed if the weddings were a week apart or even in the same month, but two months apart doesn’t seem like too much of a wedding faux pas.”

“I would think of the May one as a spring wedding and the August as summer.”

“I feel like Janie’s wedding dress comment was uncalled for, and Janie rolling her eyes instead of communicating properly was rude.”

“What is Janie and your mom’s relationship generally like, though?”

“Edit: After reading some more comments, I feel more empathy for Janie.”

“Her comment and eye roll were still, to me, disrespectful (I always support clear communication over passive aggressiveness), but I feel like there’s more going on here.” ~ CountNo3581

“They don’t have too much of a relationship. I don’t know how to put this but my mom is very distractable and hyperactive.”

“Janie is more quiet and shyer, so my mom is focused on whatever is grabbing her attention at the moment or whatever is fun, and forgets everything else.”

“Janie doesn’t like her too much and blows off some steam behind her back which I do get.” ~ REDDIT

“How was OP’s mother going to hijack Janie’s day of dress shopping when she apparently had no intention of ever being part of Janie’s dress-choosing expedition that day?”

“She’s got her own wedding planning to do rather than insert herself as mother-of-the-groom into what is traditionally mother-of-the-bride territory.”

“Janie’s remark was entirely uncalled for and unnecessarily rude.” ~ CroneDownUnder

“Let’s make sure we’re clear. Has your mom ever been RUDE or MEAN to your fiancée?”

“Or are you just more disinterested?”

“Or neutral as they just don’t have a close relationship?”

“You haven’t given a single example of anything your mom has done to your wife for your wife to even have a problem with her.”

“Is the problem that she got engaged and is having the wedding a couple of months before you?”

“It’s really weird people think they own the YEAR they get married.”

“I think you need to have an honest conversation with your girlfriend.”

“Ultimately there are a few things at play…”

“The woman’s side of the family is MUCH more excited and/or interested in the wedding.”

“Everyone knows ‘it’s the bride’s wedding and the groom is the guest of honor.'”

“I think she should mute her expectations of the groom’s family.”

“Also, your moms a wedding planner, maybe she thought she helped her plan the wedding at no cost?”

“Is your mom a popular planner in your area?”

“Your girlfriend is pretty sure that your mom’s wedding is going to outshine her own.”

“You said your mom had unlimited resources and was a wedding planner.”

“When an event planner plans, oh man, they PLAN!”

“I think you need to have an honest conversation about this too.”

“She shouldn’t make the comparison.”

“NTA on the question, because yes, your mom does not have to prioritize her AT ALL.”

“She’s not her kid and really there’s usually little involvement from the groom’s family.”

“Maybe she expected your mom to be a doting M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]?” ~ SuperWomanUSA

“Her letting other people interrupt Janie and suddenly getting distracted while having a conversation and moving on to the thing that distracted her is something you should try and address.”

“It may not seem like a big deal, but it’s so incredibly hurtful to have that happen, especially regularly, especially by someone important like a MIL.”

“I would bet that this makes Janie feel unimportant and not worthy of your mom’s time.”

“And while I understand that your mom isn’t doing it on purpose, it’s still hurtful to other people and has consequences on the relationships with those people.”

“It seems like Janie was maybe looking forward to having a bit of spotlight, if she’s usually more quiet and introverted, and your mother has a naturally extroverted big personality that easily draws people in, maybe making her feel unimportant.”

“And she doesn’t know how to communicate that or how to address it.”

“It’s not an excuse for her disrespectful behavior toward your mom, but your fiancée may be feeling left out during a time that is supposed to bring people closer together.

“She’s also likely concerned people will be comparing the weddings because your mother has the experience and resources that she doesn’t have.”

“And people can be very judgemental about weddings to the point that wedding anxiety is insane, even though it shouldn’t be because it should be a day of love and unity.”

“Maybe you could try and spend some time with her talking about your wedding things?”

“Like, get dinner together and talk about wedding plans you’re excited for.”

“Maybe see if her friends and family would want to have lunch or an evening together to plan things out and just spend time together focusing on your wedding and the things about it that they’re looking forward to.”

“She may just feel disconnected and reenforcing the connections she does have may help.” ~ Emily-Persephone

“I think this comment nails it.”

“It’s not about the dress; it’s about feeling less important.”

“Sounds like the fiancée was looking forward to that one special day when she didn’t have to ask people for attention, but now feels like she’s being forgotten.”

“I don’t know her story, but ask yourself if she’s had a history of being talked over and not feeling heard.”

“It’s not ok to be rude, but try talking to her with empathy.”

“Maybe she’ll figure out if she’s projecting her frustration on your mom. Good luck.” ~ Exotic-Marzipan-9920

“NTA. Janie needs to get over her entitled butt.”

“How some brides think they own all days on the calendar until they’re buried is beyond me.”

“The rest of the world does not go on hold until Janie ties the knot.”

“Your Mom asking if Janie had a problem after her sniping was justified.”

“Janie’s eye-roll just shouted her own immaturity.”

“You were not insensitive, but I sure would be rethinking this marriage based on Janie’s selfish behavior and pursuant snit.”

“It could be a long rest of your life.” ~ Acreage26

“She’s going to push his mother completely out of his life.”

“My schoolmate did this to her husband (his mom was a sweetheart who didn’t give her ALL the attention she felt she deserved), and it made him a miserable and different person the rest of his self-shortened life.” ~ uhustiyona

“NTA – while personally, I do find it a little weird that your mom wedged her wedding in before yours, that is probably standard behavior for your mom.”

“Janie is just finding it hard to accept, while you’ve had your whole life to deal with what is probably not the first of her self-centered acts, I’m guessing.”

“Your mom isn’t going to change – the sooner Janie realizes that, the easier the rest of your life is going to be.” ~ MrsChickenPam

Well, OP, Reddit is pretty much with you.

You’re trying to keep the peace, which is important.

However, some people do feel that your mother’s timing is off.

This can be a doable situation when clear heads prevail.

Maybe the three of you can have a calm chat and sort this out.