When we think of family, we generally think of unconditional love, fun at the holidays, and a group of people who will have our back through the good times and bad.
But sometimes family members will do something, and we’ll realize that’s not how they are at all, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
While his parents were visiting for the first time in a while, Redditor Odd-Square-4505 went out to run some errands, only for his teenage son to call him, begging him to come home as quickly as possible.
When he got home and realized his parents had been bullying his son about being gay, the Original Poster (OP) immediately knew what he had to do to protect his son.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for kicking my family out after they made my son cry for being gay?”
The OP recently received a distressing call from his teen son.
“My (37 Male) 15-year-old son is gay. My wife and I are fully supportive of him.”
“I thought my family was, too, but now I doubt that.”
“They have been staying at my house for a few days since it’s been a little while since we’ve seen each other in person.”
“Everything was going great until yesterday. I was out running errands when my son called me crying and asked me to come home.”
“I asked what was wrong and he said he would tell me when I got home.”
“I rushed home and my son was in his room crying.”
The teen revealed something terrible about the OP’s parents.
“I was worried and asked him what was wrong.”
“He told me that while I was gone, my parents kept telling him that he needed to find a girl to date and how it was wrong for him to be attracted to boys.”
“That really p**sed me off. Not only did they basically tell my son not to be gay, but they did it behind my back.”
“I confronted my family about it and they admitted it. They said they just want what’s best for my son, and how he can find someone like my wife.”
The OP knew he had to act quickly.
“I really didn’t appreciate that comment, and we argued over it, and I ended up asking them to leave.”
“They stormed out and now keep calling me and calling me a jerk.”
“I’m conflicted. I really think I was in the right defending my son, but their reactions make me worry that I overreacted.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was obviously NTA for how he reacted.
“NTA. Your parents intentionally waited until you were out of the house so they could bully your child without you knowing about it. It was a pure power play and they intentionally boundary stomped.”
“You should consider no contact. They are not safe people. They are bigots. And not only that, bigots who refuse to respect your parenting.” – imothrow
“Your parents, your son’s grandparents, went behind your and your wife’s back. They told your son basically to stop being himself, and that they could love him any other way.”
“No, of course you’re NTA. You did what you needed to do by protecting your son.”
“He’s never going to forget what your parents said to him, also he’s never going to forget that you, his dad and mom, stood up for him and protected him.”
“Personally, I’d be going no contact with them. What they did is an absolute disgrace.”
“NTA.” – CanThronestPartner
“NTA, I’d do the exact same for my son. You are a good parent and did the right thing. I understand that this will cause a lot of drama, but your family unit (you, your wife, and your son) is the most important thing, and if your relatives can’t respect that, then it’s their issue, not yours.”
“Great work caring for your family!” – Original-Ad-8098
“Don’t be conflicted. You did the right thing, on multiple fronts.”
“You protected your son, first and WAY foremost. He’s young, he’s vulnerable, and he shouldn’t be faced with bigotry from his own family any time, let alone where he is in life. Good for you, and that needed to be done!”
“Smaller, way smaller scale but still important: you protected yourself. Your decisions as parents may be right, like this one to support your son, and may sometimes be wrong other times, too.”
“But you are his parent. You make those decisions. They undermined everything you’d built and how you built it, and that isn’t acceptable. They can have a conversation with you. They do not undermine how and what you do to help them become adults directly with your children.”
“Your family was offensive in about every way they could be, in short. You were not.”
“NTA.” – Intrepid_Potential60
“NTA, sir! I’m so tired of people claiming and thinking they know what’s best for SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD! They had absolutely NO RIGHT to say that garbage to your son and you were completely in the right for taking up for your son and kicking them out!”
“If they cannot be accepting of your son and love your son for who he is, then they don’t need to be around him or your family in general. I’d tell them if they do not apologize for their a**-backwards thinking and what they said, you will go no contact with them.” – PreferenceOld6364
“NTA. You stood up for your son, you showed him how to be a good parent, and one day if he chooses to be a father, he will remember this example.” – Pandas-are-the-worst
Others praised the OP for being a good role model and ally for his teenage son.
“When one family member tells another that they’re not good enough to be loved as they are, there is no ‘difference of opinion.’ Family is supposed to be unconditional and filled with unconditional love. OP’s parents put a condition on loving their grandchild. OP did the right thing and there was no missed opportunity here in the least.” – Melne11
“NTA.”
“Let’s get some things straight here: your parents do NOT want what’s best for your son, nor do they genuinely care about his well-being. Your parents are massively in the wrong here, you need to recognize that.”
“What they did was out of line, inappropriate, ignorant, and hateful. There was no love in their behavior. Your parents are homophobic and have shown you they wish to harm your son to get what they want. The fact they did it behind your back demonstrates they knew what they were doing was not okay.”
“Now they are manipulating you into thinking that you protecting your child is wrong. You absolutely did the right thing. You are being a good father, and you need to continue protecting your son from your parents’ sick mentality. LGBTQ+ kids are at serious risk of self-harm, severe emotional trauma, and even suicide, due to behaviors like your parents’.” – SummerOracle
“Nah, my man, family is not always right. You have a child, and that means you have one job in this world, to protect him.”
“My father stood up for me (35 Male and Gay) one time, that’s all it took for me to see his strength and courage for me to grow and look past all the others’ criticism, vulgar words, and hate.”
“15 is an extremely vulnerable age for kids and what you did for your son, I would have wished for myself in that situation. As a gay dude, I thank you for standing up for him.” – KevDavRod
“NTA. I also have a gay son. Absolutely not. No f**king way would I allow anyone in my family to speak to my son like this or be homophobic towards him or anyone.”
“I’d kick them out, and I’d tell them until they educated themselves on homosexuality and the LGBTQ+ community, they are not welcome in your lives. Then I’d go no contact and block them on all places with your kids, self, and wife.”
“My son is my f**king world, and I’ll rip every bridge down with my own two hands to build my son’s bridge up. Nah. Don’t feel guilty for s**t. F**k them.” – Fickle-Raspberry7403
“NTA. You protected your son. You do not need ‘family’ that treats your child badly.”
“I’d cut them from my life so fast. Keep them away from your son. Don’t let them gaslight and play victim. They are the ones with the nasty rancid homophobia and chose to express it by targeting your son while you were away.”
“Dude. They planned to attack your son and knew you wouldn’t let them, so they waited. How ugly and predatory. Nah. They’d never see me again.” – DirtSunSeeds
“NTA, but you would be if you hadn’t told them to leave. I’m a gay man. Similar things have happened to me as well, and it would have meant the world to me if my family had stood up for me. They never did, and it left lasting scars that took years of therapy to heal.”
“You’re a great parent in my books.” – AlwaysStoked4Breakfast
The subReddit sent the OP a resounding NTA for standing up for his son.
As much as his grandparents might want to hide behind “trying to do what’s best” for their grandson, that was simply a disguise for otherwise obvious homophobia and, with that, extremely conditional love that would only look like unconditional love again if their grandson walked the line they wanted him to walk.
LGBTQ+ Youth can get help through:
- TrevorChat — 24/7/365 at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/#services
- TrevorLifeline — phone service available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386
- TrevorText — Text “START” to 678678. Available 24/7/365.
- TrevorSpace — online international peer-to-peer community for LGBTQ young people and their friends at https://www.trevorspace.org/
Trevor Support Center — LGBTQ youth & allies can find answers to FAQs and explore resources at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/trevor-support-center/#sm.0000121hx9lvicotqs52mb1saenel