Everyone has different ideas about how to care for a child.
This can even differ widely in the same household.
It doesn’t necessarily make one person more right than another.
Unless maybe one person’s idea of care is quite questionable and shocking.
Case in point…
Redditor Diligent-Article-531 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for freaking out at husband for how he bathed our toddler?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Today I (36 F[emale]) was folding some laundry to put away while my husband (44 M[ale]) decided to bathe our toddler (3 F).”
“I checked on them when I finished folding laundry and I saw him pouring water on her from a toilet brush holder.”
“I immediately freaked out because it’s absolutely disgusting.”
“He says it’s not a big deal because he cleaned it.”
“I asked what he did to clean it and he said he rinsed it out.”
“Honestly, Jesus himself could have cleaned that thing and it would have meant nothing to me.”
“You don’t bathe a child with a toilet brush holder.”
“And she has one of those Munchkin rinsing pitchers already, so there’s no reason for him to use the toilet brush holder.”
“But he says I’m overreacting.”
“It had me physically sick all day today and I told him he no longer is allowed to care for her.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole situation.
“NTA. I’m sorry he did what now? I’m gonna go vomit.” ~ Altruistic_Sun_8085
“Honestly I’m going to assume he has literally never scrubbed a toilet (or much of anything) in that house.”
“Because I can’t imagine how anyone who DOES the toilet scrubbing could even CONSIDER the toilet brush holder as an appropriate vessel for BATHING A CHILD!!”
“He’d also know that ‘cleaning’ something so as to actually eliminate germs involves a hell of a lot more than rinsing.”
“How much do you want to bet he’s also the type to just let the water run down his body in the shower and not actually scrub his own butthole?” ~ jjosjjoksjk
“I don’t buy for a SECOND that this was done out of ignorance.”
“Wife said he’s an abusive narcissist.”
“He was irritated about bath time taking so long, so he did it himself.”
“I’d bet he gave her the shi**iest (literally and metaphorically), coldest, most rushed, haphazard bombardment of dirt and water he could.
“He rubbed her with some soapy water he didn’t bother to rinse, and that was that.”
“Evidence: she had a totally appropriate and CLEAN vessel for rinsing right there, so there was no need to improvise to begin with.”
“He had to make a CHOICE that she didn’t DESERVE a nice, fun, or even clean or safe rinsing vessel.”
“Further evidence: there’s no way in hell there was no other vessel that could hold water that would have caught his eye first.”
“A cup to rinse the toothpaste out of their mouths.”
“A spare mug to keep extra toothbrushes and scissors and stuff in.”
“Going to the kitchen to grab a cup.”
“Or asked wife if she knew where to find the rinsing thing.”
“Yet more evidence: the most incompetent moron who might have tried this out of genuine incompetence and ignorance would have at bare minimum squirted a bit of hand soap in the damn thing for at least 2-5 seconds.”
“OP: THIS MAN IS ABUSING YOUR DAUGHTER!!”
“He’s knowingly, maliciously exposing her to unsafe and unsanitary conditions.”
“Something about her having a clean, safe, and enjoyable bath routine is offensive to him.”
“And he’s acting on that offense by violating her little body with this filth as a demonstration that she doesn’t deserve anything better than this treatment.”
“DOCUMENT how he degraded and devalued her with crap water.”
“Record everything you can and CALL A LAWYER.”
“Call social services if you have that where you are.”
“Get. Her. Away. From. Him.”
“Edit to add: this isn’t just about the physical dangers or damage.”
“Kids that age are excellent at picking up on the emotions and intent of their caregivers.”
“The daughter may not understand that that water had potentially harmful germs and chemicals in it.”
“But I guarantee you her nervous system will remember the terror, degradation, and helplessness she experienced having to rely on this… entity for ‘care.'” ~ joseph_wolfstar
“I would like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I don’t think that’s what’s happening at all.”
“It’s not possible to not know what he was doing.”
“This is real abuse.”
“Not close to, or kind of.”
“I don’t think your child is safe OP.”
“Please, please don’t leave her alone with him for even a moment.”
“If you’re saying this isn’t all of what he’s done to her, please, get distance.”
“Get out of this situation. Protect your child.”
“The kind of person who would bathe a baby in literal fecal water (and caustic chemicals) should NEVER be allowed near a child.”
“I sense a lot of resentment towards the baby in general.”
“This will escalate.”
“Please get safe, keep that baby safe.”
“NTA, but this is incredibly worrisome.” ~ ToadseyeGem
“Also gonna vomit. What the f**k?”
“OP, please give him his dinner in that same toilet brush holder.”
“You rinsed it out, right? It’s clean!”
“This has to be weaponized incompetence.”
“Of all the cups and mugs and bowl-shaped things in the entire house… Bruh.”
“There is no excuse. NTA.” ~plantking9001
“NTA. This is so dangerous!”
“You can catch strep, staph infection, E.coli, hepatitis, STDs and so many more illnesses.”
“Although if you are planning to continue raising your child together it is not really feasible to not allow him to care for her anymore.”
“I would suggest you make him do some research and maybe a parenting class so he can learn and prove himself as responsible enough to properly care for your child.” ~ Llink3483
“I’d honestly be concerned why he went straight to using a toilet brush holder.”
“He could’ve used Tupperware, a bowl, a cup, used a washcloth scooped water with his hands.”
“Not only are toilet brush holders incredibly dirty but they also usually have some cleaners still in/on them.”
“They most definitely have fecal stuff.”
“And why not have something else ready if he was the one choosing to bathe her?”
“I don’t mean to upset you but I’d have some questions or concerns.”
“Either way you’re most definitely NTA.” ~ GlitterBee123
“Is he on drugs or is this like a manic episode?”
“But like… not even that fully explains it in my opinion.”
“When I get manic I do things like pack our whole house in 2 days months before we’re set to move, or impulsively buy things, get super into random hobbies.”
“I don’t BATHE MY KIDS WITH A TOILET BRUSH HOLDER!” ~ Ok-Amoeba-4204
“If stuff like this is a regular occurrence I think you need to have a serious discussion about him getting help.”
“If he’s not willing to get a medical and psychiatric assessment to figure out and hopefully fix the root of his erratic behavior, I don’t think you can trust him alone with your kid, ever.”
“I’m not sure you can trust him in the house with your kid, even if you’re present.”
“I think it’s time for some serious ultimatums about him getting help or separating for the sake of the kid and potentially yourself.”
“Document everything you can about his erratic behavior and his reaction when you try to discuss it, dates, times, details, direct quotes if you can.”
“Having a log like that could be helpful in convincing him it’s a serious problem and/or making sure he doesn’t get custody if it comes down to divorce.”
“This guy is not a safe person to have around your child.” ~ inkpaperdream
OP came back to chat…
“I see a lot of comments saying ‘weaponized incompetence.'”
“I never ASKED him to bathe her.”
“I even told him that I would do it in 10 minutes because I was finishing the laundry.”
“But he wanted her to bathe quickly (I let her hang around in the tub and it bothers him that bath time is so long) so he took her and bathed her.”
“He’s erratic and very narcissistic.”
“Also to people who said that I’m being extreme about not letting him care for her anymore.”
“I do most of the parenting anyway.”
“Also this is after I confronted him later in the day, he doubled down, didn’t apologize, and said that what I saw wasn’t right.”
“We’ve had many discussions about the things he does with her that could be considered abuse.”
“Also this is the age of the internet, he can look up things, I don’t have time to hold his hand and teach him.”
“Also he’s 44, he should know better.”
“People who are asking why I married him, because he wasn’t like this when we got married.”
“He used to be fun and kind.”
“We used to travel a lot and he really was my best friend.”
“The change was within the last couple of years but I thought it was related to our infertility issues but his behavior continued even after the baby.”
“Because of covid we were separated for a couple of years and now we’ve only been together a couple of months.”
“I’ve always been my daughter’s primary caregiver and I guess it will just continue to be that way.”
Well OP, Reddit understands your fury.
It sounds like it may be time for some therapy as a family and by yourselves.
Your daughter is clearly your first priority.
Good for you.