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Mom Upset After Husband Ate His Homemade Birthday Dinner With Kids While She Was Working

Man blowing out candles
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There aren’t too many things that show you care about someone more than preparing a delicious meal crafted with fine ingredients and sprinkled with love.

Cooking for a special someone and then indulging in that creation together can be a celebration in itself.

But when the meal marks a milestone or special event and can be enjoyed by those closest to the honoree, the significance of the prepared feast is taken to an entirely different level.

That is, of course, given the cook is included in the festivities, as well.

A work-from-home mom on Reddit was upset after she prepared a birthday dinner for her husband and he – along with their children – ate the meal while she was still working, so she took to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek back feedback from fellow Redditors.

Redditor asked:

“AITA? Cooked bday dinner for husband, he ate it with kids while I was still working now he’s mad that I’m upset”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I work from home 11-7:30.”

“Today was my husband’s birthday so I cooked him dinner in between meetings and on breaks.”

“We have 4 grown children, 23-29, 2 are in school and 2 work full time.”

“When our son got home at 5:30 he asked my husband if dinner would be ready soon, otherwise he was going out to pick something up for himself.”

“My husband told him I had made dinner and they would eat at 6:30.”

“So he and all the kids ate his birthday dinner while I worked and were long finished when I was done.”

“My husband says I’m too sensitive and my feelings shouldn’t be hurt, but I’m the only reason he had a dinner or cake or anything – am I the a**hole because I feel they should have waited til I got off work to eat so I could be part of the celebration?”

“This is not the first time…”

The OP also offered the following explanation as to why they think they might be the a**hole:

“I believe I might be the a**hole because I busted my a** all day while I was working to make a nice birthday dinner for my husband and he chose to eat it with the kids an hour before I was done working?”

“My husband says I should have been clear that we would all eat together after work.”

“I feel he should have told the kids dinner was at 7:30, as I was the one who cooked and picked up the cake.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.


“It was selfish and thoughtless of your family.”

“Info: why, in a household of 6 adults, are you cooking 4-5 times a week?” – celticcurl


“You cooked dinner and none of these grown a** people thought to wait for the person that actually cooked it?”

“Selfish” – Silent_Syd241


“Stop cooking.” – Accomplished-Art8681


“Sounds like your husband and kids acted rather selfishly and ignored you.”

“Maybe next year you shouldn’t cook his dinner for his birthday.”

“Heck, maybe you should just stop for awhile and see how he handles it.” – BJGuy_Chicago


“Why on earth are you doing the majority of the cooking when there are 5 other adults in the home and you are working until 7:30 every night?” – catsandpunkrockNTA.

“You’re not too sensitive, your husband is too insensitive.” – LookAwayPlease510


“I’m sorry that no one stopped to say “‘et’s wait for mom / OP.'”

“Your son that was hungry at 5:30 could have easily had a small snack knowing that dinner together would be after you got off of work at 7:30.”

“On a small benefit of doubt stand, is it possible / likely that 7:30 or later dinner feels wayyyyyy too late to your husband / kids?”

“Only mentioned because I get off work at 7:30, but when my parents would visit be I’d try to get off earlier because I know they regularly eat dinner around 6/6:30.”

“It’s the same when I visit them.”

“Granted, if that were the case, I don’t know why they wouldn’t have stated that that’s the problem, and allowed ya’ll to come to a solution of some kind or just acceptance that someone is going to need to eat earlier.” – fallingintopolkadots

“NTA Go on strike.”

“Stop cooking, buying groceries, and feed you and only you, take care of you and only you.”

“They obviously think of you as ‘the help’, unworthy of sharing meals with them.”

“Your husband especially, massive fail on so many levels.” – hadMcDofordinner


“You work from home!”

“He could have just asked you when you’re free for dinner!” – arbitraryorange


“Your family was incredibly inconsiderate.”

“And it’s always people who refuse to accept that they were the problem who clap back with ‘you’re too sensitive’.”

“No you aren’t. You’re upset because their actions were hurtful.”

“And until you receive an apology, I see no reason why you should continue cooking for them.” – Organic_Strategy_478


“I’d be hella hurt.”

“It’d probably also be the last time I cooked for a special occasion, if they can’t wait for the person who actually did all the work.” – plutosdarling


“But you are being a AH to yourself, you have a house full of adults and you are making dinner while also in the middle of working – that is not right!!”

“You should not be the one to do all of that, I’m also gonna go out on a assumption that you do more than your fair share of general taking care of household duties too (regardless of if any type of rent is paid or not)”

“So, NTA for being upset, but you need to put yourself first a little more often.” – KoalaCapp

“23-29? Not 3-9?”

“Oh, so they can cook for themselves, so can the husband.”


“Only cook your own food from now.”

“They are all adults, they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves or watching some YouTube videos and learning some simple recipes and making YOU some food to eat after a long day of work.” – haibane


“Don’t make his birthday dinner again. Or anyone else’s for a while.”

“That’s total garbage selfish move.”

“He knows it, he be his reaction” – Notdoingitanymore

“Your son couldn’t wait 2 hours for dinner?”

“He needed to go out and get fast food?”

“He couldn’t just have a snack or something?”

“Your entire family sound selfish and thoughtless.”

“NTA” – Longjumping_Swim_114

“NTA, especially as you say this isn’t the first time.”

“ESPECIALLY if you’ve raised it before that you’d prefer they waited (you have raised it, right? Right?)” – vinnie_barbell_ino

“NTA That was very rude.”

“You cooked and essentially were to host the birthday dinner, and they couldn’t even wait an hour for you.”

“Talk about taking you for granted and not even caring you weren’t there to enjoy the food for them.”

“I could never imagine doing that to anyone ley alone my mother.”

“You have adult children, they can cook for themselves.”

“You are doing them a disservice if you are cooking most nights for them. They need to learn to cook for themselves, it’s a basic skill.”

“You should at least rotate nights of the week so everyone gets a turn cooking, including your husband.”

“Maybe then everyone would be more appreciative of the work it takes to cook a nice meal for the whole family.” – Ace_boy08


“It’s time to take a vacation from cooking.”

“Consider taking yourself out to dinner for your birthday.” – Crafty_Meeting2657

“Time to drop the rope OP.”

“The folks in the household are grown, they can handle the chores and let you take it easy.”

“NTA for feeling upset about being left out.” – DameofDames


“And the son was going to go out to get HIMSELF something if dinner wasn’t ready?”

“And the Birthday Buffoon couldn’t wait? Time for a work stoppage, OP.” – Sufficient-Dinner-27


“In our house, we do not eat until the cook sit down at the table.” – sati_lotus

“NTA stop cooking, they clearly don’t appreciate you or your efforts” – hdghg22

“Nta- I grew up eating at a friend’s house multiple times a week (not because my mom wasn’t feeding me but her grandma is a damn fine cook), you didn’t touch your plate until Grandma sat down, at the head of the table.”

“Her husband didn’t touch his food either. Prepar for death if you did.”

“Going to their 60th wedding anniversary party next week.” – dstone1985


“I’m disabled. So, my wife brings my dinner to me.”

“I don’t take a bite until she has hers and is settled.”

“First, why should I eat before she is settled and eating?”

“Second, I want to eat with her.”

“I cannot imagine doing what OPs family did. What a bunch of a**holes.”

“BTW, as one of the kids in this situation, I would have demanded that we wait.”

“Though, I have always been loud and brash.”

“So, I don’t mind rocking the boat. Hell, I’ll tip it over if need be.”

“I’m not perfect.”

“If I am really hungry, I will catch myself starting to pick at my food, but most of the time, she takes a bite before I do… and just fyi, I would do that with anybody that makes dinner.”

“It’s the principle of it, you know?” – Lou_C_Fer

While it’s unfortunate this mother and wife wasn’t able to enjoy the meal she worked so hard on in the company of her own family, her fellow Redditors have more than expressed to her that she is carrying an unfair workload in her home.
Hopefully the OP will address her position with her family and household contributions can be shared more equally in the future.

Written by AB Keith

AB Keith is an educator turned roadtripper who is currently teaching virtually while touring the USA. Her dream is to visit all the national parks and create a series of nonfiction children's books about NP adventures through the eyes of her dog, Backpack Benny.