It's second nature for most husbands to be protective of their wives.
But what if there might not be anything to protect them from?
Redditor 3Bambino3 found herself in such a predicament, when she began to feel her husband was being possessive more than he was protective.
But fearing she might not have handled the situation as well as she could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to report my coworker for sexual harassment despite my husband's insistence?"
The OP first filled fellow Redditors in on the instance which put her in this awkward situation, as well as the unexpected strain it put on her marriage.
"I work with a guy named Carlos, and he's just a bit socially awkward."
"But he's sweet all things considered."
"Last week he asked me out on a date and I declined, I told my husband about it when he asked me how my day went that evening."
"He seemed a little unsettled but didn't say anything."
"Fast forward to last Friday, and my co worker was having a birthday party for her son, and I went and brought my husband."
"Carlos came up to me and told me my dress looked nice, and I thanked him."
"Husband didn't say anything then."
"But once we got into the car he started talking about how he has, 'a lot of nerve'."
"And that his, 'inappropriate behavior is escalating'."
"I thought he was joking so even though I didn't find it funny I laughed."
"But he was serious."
"I told him it wasn't a big deal, and after a bit more back and forth we moved past it."
But the OP revealed this saga had not yet come to an end.
"Until last night when Carlos gave me a ride home after my car wouldn't start, and my husband wouldn't pick up his phone."
"Yes, Carlos offered, but only because Nick wouldn't pick up."
"I think the idea of reporting him is ridiculous."
"But my husband is now saying if I don't, 'put a stop to this, he's (he being Carlos) gonna do the same thing to other girls at work'.
"Idek (I don't even know) what that is supposed to mean tbh (to be honest)."
"But, AITA for not reporting him?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation.
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were in agreement the OP was not the a**hole by declining to report her colleague.
Many felt the OP's husband was the true a**hole in this situation and his own insecurities only made things worse.
"NTA."
"He asked you out- awkward but you said no and it seems like he's respecting that overall."
"You went to a party of his- WITH YOUR HUSBAND- and he complimented your dress."
"Thats nice, and has NO ROMANTIC CONNOTATION TO IT."
"You can compliment someone platonically even after asking them out."
"He gave you a ride home because YOUR HUSBAND WASNT ANSWERING."
"You aren't TA, but your husband is."
"Just because he's insecure doesn't mean you should punish someone else." -Ill-Task276
"You are NTA for not reporting."
"However, you will be an asshole if report him."
"From what you said to me it doesn't sound like Carlos crossed any lines and respected your choice after you said no to him first asking you on a date."
"Your husband clearly has issues and should go see a therapist to work out his insecurities."-Boredkitty420
"NTA."
"He asked you out, you said no, he didn't push (he may not have known you were married from the comment so that's really not out of line.)"
"He said you had a nice dress."
"If you reported him for offering you a ride home when you accepted the offer and he didn't do anything inappropriate, you would be an AH."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide what you consider sexual harassment (you're right this isn't worth reporting) and he sounds insecure." -Gigibean3
"Excuse me, but where is the harassment? "
"This guy made a compliment and suddenly he's the predator waiting to attack some helpless victims!"
"The OP's husband is awfully insecure and if he continues to insist that Carlos should be reported, he's definitely TA here."
"OP is NTA."- Hopeful_Extension_46
Others made it clear sexual harassment is a serious issue and the OP should be the one who decided whether she felt she was being mistreated or not.
"NTA."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide for you that you're being sexually harassed."
"Your opinion is the only one that matters in this situation."
"Period." - NUT-me-SHELL
"NTA."
"If he hadn't asked you out initially would your husband feel this way? "
"These all seem like things you do for a friend."
"Ultimately you're the only one here who can truly decide if you're being harassed, and it sounds like you don't feel that way at all (understandably)."-JBagginsKK
There was also a fairly unanimous agreement nothing the OP described even came close to sounding like sexual harassment.
"NTA."
"Husband is overreacting."
"Nothing Carlos has done could be remotely construed as sexual harassment."- Historical_Concept_7.
"NTA."
"In this situation it sounds like Carlos is just a bit of a socially awkward guy who likes you."
"If he'd kept asking you out or made overt sexual advances after you'd said no, then yeah that's an issue."
"But I don't think that asking someone out, getting told no and seemingly accepting it, then just saying you look nice and agreeing to help you get home when you have no other means is a bad thing."
"I mean if it goes any further then sure but right now I don't see any reason to think he's dangerous."-GodlikePoet
"Nta, I feel like your husband is overreacting."
"If Carlos asked you out again then that would be sexual harassment."
"But I'm only going off what I read."- NegJesus.
Thankfully, it seems the OP is strong minded enough to know when she should be concerned and will no doubt report any behavior from Carlos or anyone which makes her feel uncomfortable.
Here's hoping the OP and her husband can settle the unfortunate tension this situation has caused.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.