Redditor Throwawaybabyclothes is a stay at home dad who takes care of most the babycare duties while his wife is at work.
He said his wife recently developed a habit of shopping for “excessive clothes and toys” for their 4-month-old daughter.
Because he strongly objects to her spending habit, he did something that infuriated her.
So he solicited opinions of strangers online about his actions in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for giving away the clothes my wife bought for my infant daughter without permission?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“Would try to keep this short and concise, diving straight into the problem, ever since my daughter was born my wife developed an unhealthy habit of buying excessive clothes and toys for her. My daughter is currently 4 months old and my wife gets her clothes fit for ages all the way to 1 yr old.”
“I am a house husband so I am doing most of the baby-related work, and we don’t even change my daughter that excessively a day. My daughter does not even wear half the clothes my wife buys.”
“Hence I don’t necessarily find a need for all these clothes to be stashed away when instead she could spend money on more important things like my daughter’s future preschool fees or even current things like savings etc.”
“My wife, what she does after work and doing the house chores is that she goes straight to her phone and starts browsing amazon and bulk buying all these goddamn baby clothes she fancies without a second thought or asking me.”
“Some of these clothes are high end brands which I have not let my daughter wear once fearing that she would stain it.”
“Not only that my daughter is going to grow out of these clothes within a year so in the end all this money is being wasted on something that cannot be repurposed. So I decided to give away some of the clothes designed for ages 7months and above to my sister who also has a baby girl and some of the others to a local charity that supports single mothers.”
“It is still a while before my daughter reaches her age and she already has enough to sustain her for a whole year.”
“I was planning not to tell my wife until she ran into my sister during a recent family gathering and my niece was wearing the same clothes my wife bought. When she confronted my sister and realised the truth my wife was furious.”
“I might be the AH given that I should have taken her permission or perhaps at least resold it so that the money could be reimbursed back but I knew she wouldn’t agree hence I had to make a rather harsh decision.”
“These clothes would better off for someone who actually needs them than my daughter, wife is still pissed even though I have apologized and explained my rationale. I really wish she would stop impulse buying clothes for my daughter especially after I have communicated it multiple times.”
“P.S dont worry my wife still pays all the expenses and bills on time so no problems on that, but still feel that this impulse buying could cause a strain in her financial earnings which could have otherwise gone into our joint savings account.”
People were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was the a**hole in the situation.
“YTA. I started out thinking E S H and you got more and more wrong.”
“Your daughter is 4 months old so you gave away brand new clothes over 7months??!! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Baby sizes are inconsistent and babies go through growth spurts, and you absolutely should have the next two sizes or so available at any time.”
“It’s not like she’s buying 3T. And this just encourages your wife to have to buy new stuff in a month or two…..so, costing your family a lot more money.”
“Also, you don’t put the clothes on because you’re afraid she’ll stain them?! She’s a baby. If the money has already been spent on the clothes, let her wear them, she’ll outgrow them in 2 months anyway.”
“If you already spent the money, who cares if the stain gets on a $5 Carter’s onesie or a designer outfit. Take a few cute pictures before the inevitable poosplosion.”
“Have an actual grown up conversation with your wife. Set a budget. Talk about savings for things your daughter actually needs.”
“Talk about thinking the designer stuff isn’t worth it, and how it should be returned or limited. If she completely is unwilling to compromise, and you guys can’t save, that’s an issue.”
“But getting rid of clothes that will fit in 2-3 months without saying anything?! That’s just completely ridiculous and an AH move that doesn’t benefit anyone.” – Usrname52
“Work on your communication. If your issue is her possible overbuying then the solution isn’t ‘give sh*t away and keep it from your wife long enough for her to happen upon her own purchases in the wild.’ That’s just stupid and disrespectful. YTA” – Shitsuri
“YTA. You admit it’s not about money. So how is this really impacting you? Plenty of parents like to buy clothes in advance. You think you’re some hero giving stuff to your sister or strangers without your wife’s knowledge? You’re way out of line.”
“Give away things as your kid grows out of them.” – RB1327
“Honestly THAT. I was gritting my teeth reading it as it just dripped condescension. It got worse the more I read it.”
“Here’s a thought OP. Your wife buys them because she wants to. She’s working full tilt and spends a lot of time away from her baby.”
“A mom wanting to dress her new baby up in cute things is completely normal.”
“And my jaw dropped when I got to the part where you gave away everything you’re going to need in just a few months – conveniently to your sister.”
“YTA. To give away all those clothes and not talk to your wife beforehand? And I’m curious what was your plan when the baby hits a big growth spurt and OOOOPPPSSS no clothes?”
“YTA. For several reasons.” – Advanced-Extent-420
“YTA. Anyone with any sense knows it’s good to stockpile clothes in larger sizes for a baby. You cant always predict when they’ll grow out of something and if you see something you like or for a good price in a larger size, it makes sense to grab it as you know itll be used later.”
“Also, if you’re on househusband duty and your wife is working, consider that this might be a way she connects with your child. I love to give gifts and if I was at the shops and saw a shirt or something i thought was cute I’d grab it as a little extra thing for my children.”
“You taking that away, without discussing it with her, and essentially ensuring shes wasted her time and money is mean.” – throwRA_justjjj
‘Some of these clothes are high end brands which I have not let my daughter wear once fearing that she would stain it.’
“So, you’re part of the reason half of these clothes are going unused. Maybe you’re right, maybe your daughter doesn’t need all these clothes, but it seems pretty dumb to give away the ones she’ll eventually grow into.”
“The ones she’s too big for? Sure (and as someone with a five year old and a twelve year old, that’s a big way other moms helped me out or vice versa.) Kids grow. And they grow fast.”
“You said yourself, she’s still paying bills on time and providing, she works and does the house chores. If it’s not your money she’s spending on your daughter’s clothes, yes, you should ask her before donating or selling them.” – slimkt
“YTA. Unless she is spending more than you guys can afford, what’s the problem with her wanting to buy cute clothing for your kid?”
“Most people give away their baby clothes when the kids outgrow them, not before the baby has grown into them. You owe your wife a huge apology, and you owe her for all of the stuff she bought that you gave away (from your money, not from your joint accounts).” – elderpricetag
“YTA. If your wife’s shopping isn’t hurting your family’s finances or preventing you from providing for your daughter, then this isn’t about money. This is about control.”
“Your wife has a new baby girl that she loves and adores, and buying clothes for her daughter makes her happy. You went behind her back and gave things away she was probably excited to see her little girl wear in the next year or so.”
“Just apologize.” – elemenayo
Overall, Redditors remained critical of the OP for taking away from his wife one of the joys of motherhood–which is buying new baby clothes with the money she makes.
They also stressed that, if saving money was a concern, he shouldn’t be giving away the new clothes his wife spent money on, let alone without her permission.